cant sleep cant eat
but i can smoke and i can drink

i have no bad feelings anymore take your drugs and *** and power everything i dont need i am alive without a chance of dying and the way that u are, this is something u could never be

this is dead not physically but mentally and spiritually a corpse

dont hope just be

i ******* hate you for not caring

slave to feelings slave to life slave to hopelessness

is this a product of what i do or who i am

learning to feel
******* dumb

i deserve this u didnt deserve any of this

i spend at least 10 hours a day pretending the world doesn’t exist as hard as i can

i honestly want this **** to just be over more than anything i would give anything to not care about what happens after im so tired so stressed out so sick of people and everything

everything is becoming the same

i jus want love like it really can be like
nothing else matters to me
how it has been or how it could be

give it time I told u you are mistaken to believe anything or anyone beside myself will choose when I die

im trying to work to get these things even tho i feel like u think im wasting time
i have the time to do it
too many big things happening at once cant handle all of them
but it will happen

there is good in everything everyone sees as evil and evil in everything everyone sees as good

I don’t understand people who care more about themselves than other people

someday every1 will feel the way u and i feel

i cant be myself with anyone without ruining everything

i will take u in ur car to wherever u want to go and walk back home so u can sleep

its funny to me all theses people trying to place fake copyrights on everything did u know Shakespeare stole the plot for most of his plays from everybody but he made them better than everybody
and all these people trying to hold onto their scraps of nothing be what u were made to be

i have what i thought i needed asleep next to me breathing feeling everything

most peoples writing that i read
i never want to read again

im sorry sometimes i cant keep away anymore

i have no bad feelings for anybody

horrible night horrible night horrible nights

i have accepted death and u hold onto each piece that you believe pulls you further from it that is the only difference and its not moving at all you are just moving in the wrong direction

im so happy to see everyone continue to grow through all this horrible ****** up **** im seeing

thnkful for everyone that writes to me everyone that gives their time to me

ive been wasting my time on people who never deserved it for too long im doing this on my own

there is a type of pill to **** every type of feeling

people can be sad about whatever they want why do people think they can designate what is right to be ****** up about *******

so ******* tired have to keep going

calm, u are everything u need to be, u don’t need anything

i spent my whole life getting to be what everyone thinks u should be i had ******* everything and now i need to start over and everyone expects me to be positive and happy like it never happened

i love u i just dont know how to get past this

today i told my mom i want to work in the cemetery
she laughed like i was joking but i told her i meant everything
i wanna dig up the graves and put the flowers on the faces
i want to live next to hoarded silence that only closed coffins can save and eat with the worms when im slipping from what is real
and feel some ******* peace when war is all i feel
i want to live i want to die
i want to be alive for ten seconds without needing to take my life
i want to love like i feel love can be like
but everyone is so ******* different and no one loves like its right
i told her its like im a god like i could fly
and river like the heavens crying god from the skys
i rip out every heart that ever tried to live inside  
mastered the forgiveness of people who said they would never lie
and plastered their faces into the corners my mind
everyone is a lie every god is a lie
and my face is melting hell to hold off the parasites
they still **** me with every bite and its a lie its the lie
its what i know is hiding inside
I am what is never mentioned and what goes there to die

i dont know anything that ever made me feel better without even being close at all just by what you say i love u i love u

i have nothing to give to anyone except for what is inside of me someday i will have more but if it isnt enough now u never deserved it anyways

im going to try to be that person that she needs someday it isnt today and hasnt been that day for over a year

why cant you tell me you love me before i tell you i want to die

i said because real love isnt real and u will never know because u never read this and its something u cant truly feel