I wonder what it feels like to look at a razor blade and see it as just a razor blade.
Not an object to hurt myself with.
Not the weapon that almost ended my life.
Just a razor blade.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Pull hair back.
Put on lipstick.
Fix eyeliner.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Adjust skirt.
Cover scars.
Tie shoes.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Don't lose control.
Don't lose control.
Don't lose control.

I am a storm that destroys everything in it's path. I will love you and obsess over you and then I will push you away because I will get bored of you.

Dear Future Partner;
I am like the sea. I am calm and beautiful until something becomes difficult. I will drown you in my sorrows and force you to feel my agony.

Dear Future Partner;
I am like a flower. I will plant my roots into your heart and I will let you rip off my petals one by one until I have nothing left to grow for you.

Dear Future Partner;
I am the wind on a cold winter day. I will suffocate you. My bite will chill you to the bone; and like the winter, my grey days will make you grow tired of me.

Dear Future Partner;
I am the sun on a warm summer day. I will give you my warmth. I will wrap you in my arms and let you soak me into your skin.

Dear Future Partner;
If you want to fall in love with me... Don't.

I look at myself in the mirror and I do not recognize what I see.
Those eyes,
They are not mine.
They are empty and cold.
I am not who I once was.
Maybe I am in a dream.
This person is not who I am supposed to be.

I always wondered
What it would be like to stare at the sky
And be at peace with the demons in my head.
I always wondered
What it felt like to wake up every day
With a peace of mind.
I always wondered
How other people feel when they wake up.
Do the dread the day ahead of them?
Do they feel anxious?
Do they slap on a fake smile, too?
I always wondered
Why am I the way I am
And why haven't I gotten better.
And maybe I'm not supposed to get better.
But maybe... Just maybe, I am.