liquor
be
liquid literacy
explicit irony
illicit hide and seek
subsistent courage
submissive piracy
with a great
disregard
for privacy
or it
might just
be me
with this
cold
glass of whiskey

the warm sea breeze
rustles through palm fronds
through my hair
it allows them to wave
to converse with me
such wonderful things they have to say
one large gust
and they all laugh at once
the wind stops
the sun bares down
as if the boss or god himself
entered the room
only silence
only that single golden eye glaring at me
causing a glare
burning into me to my very core
but the sea breeze
is brief to return
i can breath
i can speak easy
to the ageless souls encircling me
they wave
i wave back
we all laugh at once

Jefferson the spider
bites
to start the night off
right
lefts and rights
a venue of lights
inevitable
street fights
all while
unrolled toilet paper
spins dances
with the industrial
ceiling fan
squealing fans
and wild displays of hands
for a handful of
unheard bands
and
ive had as much
as i can stand
with difficulty
i gather those
who came with me
come with me
through this hip hooray
hipster sea
not knowing who
these hipsters be
and
all of them
not unlike me

And
i find myself sitting
drinking smoking
the saving grace
late night Kung Fu
on the television
white lotus clan style
against my swooping crane
defending honor
defining lip syncing
dignity left sinking
carefully choreographed madness
graceful
and somehow greatly unappreciated
they talk of honor and nobility
over tea
while
they talk of nonsense over spirits
fire in the holy temple
fire at the end
of my cigarette
as the fastest the eldest the master
returns to reign down vengeance
beckoning begging for a challenge
none to be found
bar none
in bar in land in tale
art in martial form
smiling like a school boy
bringing this certain soulless individual
joy

i ring the door bell twice
the door opens
there is a boy maybe 4 5
he smiles at me
rustled ***** blonde hair
blue eyes shining seeing into me
knowing me in the basest truth
as only children can know
"Hi. Welcome. Hello."
all rapidly said so politely
i step inside
the house is not too large
not small by any means
this porridge is just right
he leads me in as one who
leads a child to
the den well furnished
the father sits in his chair
watching the boy gratefully
the boy buzzing with
the energy of new company
leaps onto the couch and
announces himself
"My name is Demetri. Nice to meet you.
Welcome to my home. What is your name?"
"Sam"
"Hey, Sam, nice to meet you, Sam."
he flips off the couch grandly
grabs my hand and shakes violently
"Nice to meet you, Sam. Im Demetri.
Welcome to my home. Please, please.
Sit, sit."
He pulls me to the couch
I sit so my arm is not dislocated
he lets go wrist hurting
not the strength of a
4 5 year old boy
a well developed boy well spoken
i look to his father who
watches son lost in amazement
proud as can be as should be
the boy is again in my ear
"What brought you here, Sam? Did you
want to see my house? Did you wanna
see my legos? I got a lot of them. I like
building spaceships. I wanna build a real one.
Hey Sam, you wanna build a spaceship."
no idea how to build a spaceship
"Im here to speak with your father, little guy."
"Really? About what? Huh? About what?
Do you bring things to people? Like presents?
Do you have a present? I think I know
what about. You have a present for my dad.
Is that it, Sam, do you have a present?"
im both annoyed and fascinated
simultaneously by the boy
annoyance why father
has not said something
leash this dog muzzle
however
fascination buzzing by simple fact
i did have something for his father
a present
for the father to keep forever
for the boy to find later

say we rapacious
im down for
foot races
car chases
the lavish
and vivacious
or anything
bipartisan no cardigan
only arsenic
no old laces
just let me
say my graces
tie my shoelaces
and grab my
terracotta suitcases
these faces these places
where the make or break
takes us
it is spacious
ostentatious
spontaneous
it is more
or less
oh my gracious

I saw a chariot
with the mare in it
making a man carry it

I saw Marie Antoinette
  and Judas Iscariot
abdicate an abortion
because they weren't married yet

I saw aunt Harriet
barreled over bones in a casket
gasping
begging them not to bury it

I saw words on a page
  that made no sense
I saw leopard prints
I saw tents with tenants
  unable to pay their rents

sitting in a sea of robots
all facing the same way
vacuuming through bags and bags
of morbidly buttered popcorn
looks of scorn
as i squeeze by to my seat
all of them critics
opinionated inappropriately
entirely unnecessary
crunching and rustling until
the credits roll
paying too too much
for so so little
the smell of age and ignorance
to my left
the energy of youths inattentiveness
to my right
i find myself in the middle
curtains

sly cartoon eyes
following me leading me
that
little blond Calvin kid
*******
on ignorance
all over your alma mater
on ideas on ideologies
on apologies
on this or that rhyme
on time on topic
on bad puns bad jokes
on sheriff on congress
on the president himself
on every self statement
on honor students
and schnauzers alike
all over your baby on board
sin grinning
because he thinks
he is winning
grin away
**** away
little blond Calvin kid

fallen and forgotten
stuck on his back
desperate terrified dying
he fights and fights
spasms and shudders
only, if only to flip over
releasing his final cry to
the mother, Nature
his broken wings close
for the final time
high above him, his friends
bumbling bobbing buzzing
missing nothing
paying no respects
to this bee's fitting end
behind the recycling bin

what to do
when there is a party next to you
situation finds me
on my back porch
if that is the right word for it
loud music loud voices loud energy
flooding in from porch adjacent
how to invite myself
i could knock i could walk in
i could come baring gifts
i could open my door
doubling the statistical advantage
of a good time
i could brush my teeth
i could hide the week old laundry
i could start a game
i could make them smile
i could meet a girl i could marry her
i could find magic in
their refrigerator magnets
or
i could  write this poem
wishing only listening
glistening regret
and smoke this cigarette

a thousand crickets
are chirping
the air in these woods
warm dry perfect
the terra-cotta sun
setting behind
the path ahead
growing smaller
smaller
what little light
stolen every moment
"We must get going"
i say to myself
and the muse that followed
my fire our light
flickering sight
we cut a path
through the woods
why when where
were not questions
i cared to ask
i cared to relax
when that ******
muse that followed
has been burned
to ash
"It'll be easy"
it'll be perfect
warm dry
the air in these woods
is on fire
and a thousand crickets
stop chirping

when it comes to hearts
open closed broken in any case
an ace
when it comes to calling
a ***** a *****
i am king
when it comes to diamonds
there are plenty of queens
looking for a bigger one
when it comes to clubs
thats just the place i
do not want to be, jack
yet it always takes
a joker to fill house
and hand

caved in
while caving
a cast away
ten feet to move
any which way
no way out
with my pen
this note pad
and a corner
to pout
says my sad self
says my strong self
lets get the **** out

a soulless ******* they called me
call me
thats the echo that follows me
swallows me
hollows me
and in the end
thats the echo that modeled me
hand raised, fully blazed
for the moment mischief called on me

a soulless ******* she called me
then she never called me
words she used mauled me
in reverse
the words she used to use enthralled me
thats why i gave all of me
but its not all me
all about me
and so
simply
no

wash away these deeds with hand soap
hindsight twenty twenty
how about hindsight through a telescope
but
think hope
think in proses
think there it all goes

make my drink stronger
onward to hedonism
ethics? for the birds.

a swing and a miss
when everything is amiss
for a single kiss.

would not miss the sun
if the sun would stop rising
the muse: the bebop

here there is no line
waiting is for drunken fools
come along its free

it is through this violence
we collapse we relapse
we repair
she hates the way
i care for her
i hate that stare
nothing between us but bare hands
i grasp her she gasps
we move we dance
we struggle we crash
she is unyielding of the lead
her denials have only come
to make me bleed
from the floor to the back of the couch
she does not open her mouth
she is mine
there is a rip and a tear
to leave her bare
in her in her again
and again
then
i cant
not like this
thought never like this
i fold withdraw and fall to the floor
back against the broken backdrop
she turns slowly
salaciously savagely
she says to me
why did you stop

five cars drive along
following the first car
the first car leads
slowly
the others end to end
two three four five
inch along
the second car impatient
bumps the first car
the first car stops dead
the man driving the first car
leaps out to attack the man
in the second
in a second
the first and second
fight roadside
the third car drives by
slowly
watching in horrormazement
but fleeing for own safety
at a safe distance
the fourth car does the same
the fifth car back
seeing all unfold
approaches scene seen
on the left
the fifth car stops dead
the man driving the fifth
draws his four fifth
and murders the first and second
in a second
the fifth car drives away
quickly
one two three four five
fled the scene

lay the cards down
on the table
on the table?
empty glass
an empty glass where the was once full one
one dollar and nineteen cents
the back pack that is never
on my back
carries importance, weight
figuratively
wires like snakes
curled up neatly resting, waiting
to bring life to what owns them
a coupon for half off
half price
half the price cast off
like cast of healed, able
and unable to leave the table
glasses heavy tinted
reflecting me or what i see
if on of off
a thermos with the lid off
inside treasure rests
a coaster protector of dark rings
in vain
the tabletop is a kaleidoscope
of ignorance or neglect
therefore
my beer is no more coastered
spit shine ****
it is still ****
there is a full glass now
where the empty one was or was not
see it how you wish

sitting
watching out my passenger window
the green-gray storm cloud approaches
blanketing me from blue sky
it is hot, sweltering
sweat pours out of my pores in scores
the ragged shoes on my feet
are too tight
they bite
with holes for my toes to see daylight
or rain
a gray bird flutters by the window
to give a brief yet beautiful bellow
a fleeting hello
and as a passer by the bird passes by
to be seen for only a second
but never a second glance
that i had some place to be
as quick as that bird
yet no place is where i find myself
just sitting
watching out my passenger window
the green-gray storm cloud motions
the percussion section

Yesterday
I had a birthday that was not
a birthday
went places i did not know
met people i did not know
walking walking waiting
more walking
to finally get in
to not be able to move, speak
playing tail but getting none
some fool who seems to be
having a better time then me
gets kicked out on his kicked ***
screaming obscenities from busted lips
smoked all my cigarettes
to filter to the end
to no end
but the day did not end
on the roof with roaches
then onto the street with socialites
then back on the roof
I guess i must be a lonely individual
or maybe there is something
missing
could be why no one is listening
they come stay here
but do not have the courtesy
to stay here
i do not feel im entitled to anything
i just like being informed
of when im to be ignored
or forgotten
maybe
i should have forgotten
my birthday

lets be
a convertible roof
there, in theory
never
wrapping paper
not present
always
whiskey in a bottle
gone
then turn right
then turn left
returned
do not do not be
green yellow red dots
forgot
flickering blue lights
stopped

Here I sit upon this train
As if again inside a dream.
Same people, same smell, same unknown stain.
Everything as it was or so it would seem.

Outside a shattered cityscape flickers by,
A million metal mountains that hold us all.
They reach, as we reach, toward the sky;
And we, not them are more apt to fall.

Something cold takes hold of my brow,
Returning me tersely to the present.
I fell asleep against the window somehow.
A pillow or porcupine might’ve been more pleasant.

I guess I dozed off when I got on.
And now my wallet and phone are gone.

I walk out the back door of my apartment
to have a smoke headphones on
music full volume
my back porch is the same size as my apartment:
small
there is only enough room for a small table,
holds only a drink and an ashtray,
and my favorite beach chair
I dance my way
to that familiar green yellow blue red resting place
as I sit, Beethoven's third or fourth assaulting my ears,
i turn to my left
there across the white railing
on the porch adjacent stands
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen or dreamed
she has been watching me
not smiling more a look of amusement
as one watching caged beings at the zoo
through those white bars she watched
this poor fool monkey dance his way
through habitat habits
without thinking
i fling the headphones off my ears and
meet eyes with her
I say nothing for a brief moment truly lost in the blue
hers are blue
the purest ive never seen before
my mouth decides to speak
    "Ha! Im sorry…I…uh, I thought no one lived there,
    I mean, I…I thought there was no one else out here."
I laugh.
She blinks, says, "I just moved in this morning."
    "Oh, OK. Well ****, welcome to the neighborhood."
I go to the railing and extend my hand
(animal reaching for treat)
    "Im Sam."
    "Ena"
She does the same
(presenting treat) and we share
a polite hand shake
normally, I might ask where she was from
what she likes music movies but,
I cannot seem to find the words to say
to this one
not only her beauty her energy
her way is what stays my tongue
her name. Ena. Fire. echoing in my head.
what the hell am I to say?
i want to know everything about her all at once
the curse of a facile tongue
but then she says,
    "I liked your dancing. It made me glad to know
    there are still some humans beings living here."
she smiles
this poor fool monkey's heart and soul jolt awake
a more wonderful and beautiful thing
has never been said before and
that is all it took

clink clink clink
single file one in front
one behind
bad men to my left
bad men to my right
shuffling slowly
down a long white hallway
walls of bars
foul hands poisonous pincers
****** viciously
the air beside me
clink clink clink
single file one in front
one behind
all stopped it is
my time to shine
nameless this number
will answer to no man
lightning fast
i have the nameless man ahead's
head in my grasp
a twist and a snap
then a heavy collapse
clink clink clink
single file none in front
none behind
sudden brutal binds
on my wrists
it is to silence, holding,
solitary i am whisked
whistling

it was a finer day in hell
not my fault this
is where i fell
probably the smell
they sure do gossip well
which is my cue to split
to post bail
to jump fence of this judgment jail
to set sail upon the high seas
of alcoholism
so the morning after
my head rings like a bell
with stories and stories
to tell
to swell with exaggeration
might add some lies as well
just to have the stories
and stories sell

back in an old
familiar place
familiar burn running
down the back of my throat
a cool hot breath of air
in this back alley
a different place
then before same store
drunks druggies degenerates
wasting away with thoughts
and wine in hand
dancing in delight
at sight of
this recognized respite
where they can park their bikes
i think i might
dance with them
to that familiar rhythm
in opposition of
this sad sanguine ***** den
i think i might
sing along
the same song of sin

hey
rich lady
listen to me baby
i know i drive heavy
and you drive
a Mercedes
wallet on fire
cobwebs bills
and fees
i know you
dont know how to
pay these
and
i know youre making me
crazy
i know you think im
crazy
i know
its crazy
and
i know its definitely
a maybe

there is one hell of a
sour taste in my mouth
may be the margarita mix
may be the swordfish
may be why i am not
welcome at my own house
may be the exit calling
may be not flying but falling
may be I need to
get out of the south

Let the spirits pour!
Sip and **** until you are sore
until you cant anymore
go ahead break me
make me poor
that lady liquor
that *****
In the mouths of every man that comes through that door
and the crowds roar
calling
"encore"
"give me more"
"take me to nowhere but the floor"

this heat
will beset you from behind
with a bear hug and a kiss
on the back of the neck.
the only solace: a simple osculating fan
that blows warm air
for the very blades are hot to the touch.
this heat
this shimmering sweltering ray of fire
will find you
hide inside inshade
as the endless dust of the desert
leaves no place unsettled
this heat
finds its way to you
prayers of darkness: feckless
as any terrible thing
this heat
will linger long into the night

secrets stifle silence
secrets seed selfishness
sound stops silence
selfishness sells souls
souls seeking serenity
sense and simplicity
set sail by searching
searching for songs unsung
sights unseen
sentiments unspoken
since simple souls seek simplicity
so, single souls seek solitude
seek safety seek solace

maybe thats why
this is not working
saying to you that i love you
feels like swearing
aloud in a church
saying to you that i care
feels like stepping
on a snake
saying to you that i agree
feels like admitting
****** in the first degree
its uncomfortable
our connection
like cancer this love
is infectious
grabbing hold never letting go
for better
for much worse
the curse: no coin in my purse
it puts longing and loathing
in this verse
but it could be worse
i could be driving your hearse

i have a problem
i fall for females then rob them
not of material things
but of surreal feelings
they love me
i leave it be
they cannot believe the thief in me
the griefs briefness my only weakness
the bleakness
sees me sleepless
i do not want to leave
the next tree leafless
i want to wear my heart
on my sleeve
and never go sleeveless
im asking forgiveness
for my greediness
you are free to believe
these words mean less
then meaningless
which would be
my guess

i see cars pass
each one newer and cleaner then before
i see everything in reverse
and backwards
do the crazy
rear-to-side view
mirror dance
i see a mother holding the hand of her child
the look in her eyes
hopelessness regret maybe
i see teens walking in packs
like wolves
if they only knew
how much i and you
hate them
i see a large man riding a bicycle
his weight suspended magically
soaked in sweat as
spastic as he peddles
uphill
i see a sign that tells me
slow children are playing in the street
always in the street always
chasing something
i see my home
will soon cease to be my home

a deep breath of fresh air and not a care
   knowing i will never return to that hell of a place
a place where every window is covered
   in dust and child-sized hand print smudges
a place where everyone who is anyone judges
a place where no one cares
   unless you get a couple drinks in them
a place where cockroaches and mold clash for power
   and we must not speak or think of them
a place where money flows like
   rations in war times, a trickle
a place filled to capacity with penny pinchers
   coupon abusers and the generally fickle
a place where we are paid to appear and disappear
   and politely appear to enjoy your presence
a place where no one knows your name
   because, "Its a caste system, kid, and you'll always be the peasant"
a place, a zoo, where they-that-pay come and go
   while we-that-slave stay grinning in our grease-coated cage
a place no matter where you are
   you are center stage
exit stage-left
so i left this hell of a place
  with a **** paycheck and a smile on my face
the fresh air is too good to breathe just once

uprooting
taking a booting
taken up outer
up ou'chere
going over yonder
pandering and panicking for
places to sit and ponder
to launder thoughts
to squander whats bought

im not enjoying this
im back where i started
what i WANTED was to get away from this place
what i GOT was this place
and its different
smaller
you get what you pay for

i pay for nothing because
i cannot afford anything
some might call it bitterness
it is called fact. fact
some might say it is a gesture
of love to take me
into loving arms
arms so mothering
smothering

not me
not for me
not best for me
i want out and i get
deeper in

nebulous
it is best for the beast in us
it is easier with the rest of us
it is not
anything
it is absolutely
nothing
therefore
detach
kick back relax
non-nebulousness
it is a task
it is a strain on the heart in us
it is harder for the sane in us
just
be nebulous

this mother ******* feeling
has to be called something
that feeling a sudden rapid rush of heat
surging
through your arms
your legs
the back of your head
you feel completely off balance and absolutely centered
your fingers tense up and your palms begin to sweat
but only a little
this is not fear. nor anger
this is something else
something that makes your heart beat
briskly
you can feel the rhythmic pulsing
pulsing
through your throat
your temples
its the feeling of being poisoned, or shot up
the feeling comes and goes
one as quick as the other
it is a fleeting fascinating feeling.

the reason i travel home
the same way
every day
the reason i write
without light
every night
the reason i smoke against
surgeon generals warning
every morning
the reason i go somewhere
with same face
every **** place
the reason i drop it
trip and treason
every season
the reason i agitate
age and accept
what happens here
every year
the reason i must
make a mess if i own it
every moment

this dead guy
and his dead beer
trying to figure out
what exactly happened here

this dead guy
drank his dead beer
then decided to have
another dead beer

day after day
year after year
this dead guy
drank his dead beer

until
this dead guy
drowned
in his dead beer
and we all found out
what exactly happened here

what are you
"im a ******* poet"
but poetry is dying
"no its everywhere
for free
just
hear
taste
touch
smell
see"

what i saw
kid in shades chasing family
runs into the street
what i also see
big bad black beauty
barreling towards them
the screams of come back
flailing arms and widened eyes
they see what i see
the kid does not
tires screech on pavement
the hard thud
the second softer thud
of dead weight
silence brief endless
the stopped reaper
sprayed red
now hysterical screams
all eyes on driver
i see them see him
thinking ****** for ******
i would help but
whats to be done with
damage done
let sadness settle itself
in the street
as the cracked sunglasses
settled on the sidewalk

where i one easy ****
i could get no easy ****
always hard pretty fantastic *******
it is absolutely nothing
as is authority
or a fuckload of monkeys

who wants to go someplace
someplace far far away
from where i am you are
who wishes to take up
the stakes and powder
and take up outer
we could go now
no waiting
we should leave like
yesterday evening
who wants
to leave
with me

the beautiful girl at the counter
smiles back shining
cold bold eyes of blue
as she presents cold water on rocks
no coffee in this cafe
i can not help but tip her
for
how i do love coffee shop girls
perhaps particularly this one
ironic because i do not drink
***** brown bean water
but im drawn to the maker
and the only interaction
i have with her
is momentary
making living
in the moment more important
but the line must move
if all the rest of them
enjoyed the moment with
her
as i did
she would truly be happy
would i were her
would i were able to
share that joy
for a moment
this ****** dark marble counter
proves the purpose given it
separating us
her eyes tell me
"drink fast
return for another
moment"

gasoline was at six fifty
for a car that barely drives
that rains inside
usually seats strangers
that smoke that have to smoke
as the wipers sway across the windshield
not doing what i proposed
then unremembered
my tired face buried
in the pillow case
water
there is none around me
none raining inside
none dancing down glass
i need a drink
of water

there are hundreds of people
in my house
i only know one of them
leave it to one to invite ninety nine
friends of his
now invading my space my shell
i want them out
but
i have no means to be
rid of them
drinking my beer
eating my food
taking up my space
i believe
this situation vividly defines
invasion
awkwardness
all talking squawking at once
it is the sound of burning
sporadic popping crackling
amplified until a single person
me
is unable to think function
i can only feel  
i feel helpless
i feel loathing
i feel confusion
i feel disoriented i feel lost
in my own ******* space
i feel lost
they must go all of them
they all must go
i hide outside
smoke a cigarette
yet cannot hide forever
i can only smoke
for so long
i will wait
and cough blood
through my teeth
smiling wide
red white
as they leave

broke
as a joke
no laughing matter
all the fool for wanting
to grow richer, fatter
dreams
of strolling up to the king
with his realm, robes and chatter
when his back is turned
turn his staff to an adder
regicide
the realm replied
no sooner no sadder
swiftly sentenced to swing
the second day after
so it seems wrongs
replaced rungs on this ladder
**** being made
its all mad
for this hatter

do not let fools get to you
the ones you see watching you
the ones who's hatred boils
behind the compliment they paid you
what do they know of
your thoughts your smile your true
beauty
they see you
how they want to see you
I say
be yourself
people will not like you anyway