Like my mom, her dad can’t be replaced.
And he’s still alive!
Her dad came first before mine just like my mom came first before you.
Without her dad, you wouldn’t have her.
Without my mom, my dad wouldn’t have me.
That would be okay though, right?
I don’t understand parents.
Honestly I don’t.
So many of them want their children to respect them.
I understand that, I do.
But how can you demand respect when you don’t respect them?
I may be grown but I will always be my dad’s daughter first.
I’d like to think he’d be upset if I stopped communicating with him.
But I feel like I must.
I don’t feel like I’m a part of his family anymore.
Just like the saying goes:
“Out with the old, in with the new.”
He’s got this NEW family.
I’m just old news.
And she’s torn between THREE different families now.
I honestly don’t think I have a place in the world anymore.
I don’t have a place in my birth given family and I don’t have a place in the family that I’ve created.
I just don’t belong anywhere.

"You deserved so much better  than him anyway"
I know i deserved better than being ignored,
Left on read,
And treated as i never existed.
But,
I don't want any better.
I want him.
I want his cute smile
His cheesy jokes
His gorgeous hazel eyes.
I may deserve better;
But I love him.

I tell people that if my dad could go back and take back ever having me with my mom, he would.
Because it’s true.
I was the child no one wanted to have.
I was the child no one wanted to keep.
I talked  about how when I was battling my demons, and faced suicidal thoughts—
how, instead of being there for me, my parents cast me aside like the plague.
What’s worse is when I speak about the hurt I felt back then— I still have to fight back the tears.
The pain from those days still rip through like a fresh wound.
My old demons still exist.

10:50 p.m.
Its 10:50 p.m.
And while id rather be laying down dreaming,
Im currently awake sitting in the corner of my room yet again.
With my knees tucked to my chest
and i can feel the teardrops fill my eyes and roll down my face.

10:53 p.m.
It's now 10:53 p.m. and what was just a few tears escaping my eyes is now waterfalls of tears falling down my face
as i struggle to keep in the screams of pain that  have built up over time.
I wonder if i should just leave this place.
Im sure that no one would mind.

11:11 p.m.  
It is now 11:11 p.m.
Wishing time.
While everyone is wishing for a certain someone,
I'm wishing that you never came into my life.
Im wishing that i could get you and your manipulative self out of my head because if you dont i may just wind up dead.

11:16 p.m.
Its now 11:16 p.m.
And what once was just a short time lapse has turned into a relapse.
A relapse bringing me back to my dark days.
The days where i never felt enough or accepted.
The days where i felt like everyone but me what perfected.
But with you i grew from those days.
But look what you have now caused.
And it all started at 10:50 p.m.

I thought you were my sun.
But my opinion on you changed
When i saw that the flowers still bloomed
When you left.
Morning still came
when you left.
And there was still warmth
When you left