feeling melancholy
although somewhere inside me
lies the true reason for my sadness
inside me is the bitter awareness
consciousness of your depart
for a short while you are here
but i know soon you will leave
and i will remain
only with you
a memory

mimicking his sarcasm and wit all her life
but her personality wasn't the only thing she got from her father.
her curiosity of endless pills and bottles and pipes
whatever she could find
to take her someplace nicer.
thats what she inherited most.

white lines of what is like sugar to me
my little puffs of happiness and ease
i lower my head into the clouds
and inhale the magic up to my head.
that familiar burning sensation
and lightness in my brain
i finally feel at ease.
i am ok.
for now.

sadness is overwhelming
sadness is a drop of black paint
in a sea of white
one little drip and the whole thing turns grey.

I no longer feel alone
For when my feet are submerged in the ocean
I feel the pulse of millions of beings
As I expel a breath from my lungs
I know it will be inhaled by someone like me
Someone who once felt alone
And has now shared life with a stranger.

Something in me grew cold one day
Teardrop icicles hung from my cheeks
I yearned for a love to thaw out
My wintergirl heart.
I searched for love in starvation
I searched for warmth in purging
I searched for feelings in cuts
I searched for acceptance in him.
I opened my body
instead of my heart.
and nothing was changed
My heart remained cold
My body still weak
You couldn't save me
and that's okay
I'm thawing now
My suns come out
It still gets chilly
But I'm okay
(I don't know if you care)

One: I am born, brown eyed and screaming
Two: I am four years old, people compliment my sisters exotic green eyes. Are mine ugly?
Three: I am seven, and I am thinner than her. I win.
Four: I am eleven and I lie about my weight. I wish I was skinny.
Five: I am thirteen, refusing to eat
Six: I am fourteen and empty. I cut every inch of my body
Seven: I am fifteen and miserable. I contemplate suicide
Eight: I am sixteen and medicated. Meghan killed herself. I am bones. Am I alive?
Nine**: I am seventeen and I ache, but I am healing