I wish I could take away
All your pain and agony,
To make your bleeding heart
Stop drowning,
And secure your lungs
With the warmth of mine,
To undo all your suffocation
Thrusted upon you by others.

I know life is
Hard for you,
But you do not
Have to worry,
For I too am dying in this
Reality if nightmares,
And cannot stop all the horror
That I feel,
Nor can I dance in depression
That overcomes my soul, either.

Life for me
Has never been easy,
And although I have
Every reason to stop trying,
I have convinced the world
That I am capable to escape
All the prisons it has
Set for me,
And Maybe it is time
That you should too.

So my lovely,
Even though you feel
As though you will
Never be understood,
Or accepted,
Just stay calm,
And remember, I am always
Thinking about you,
And I will always be
Here for you,
No matter the conditions.

Never doubt my loving heart,
Nor my powerful empathy,
For I see the pain
In your broken soul,
And sense the throbbing pain
Others make you feel,

Just always know
That although you may
Be hurting,
I am hurting a thousand times more,
Knowing that this reality
Has stolen your beautiful
Love for life,
Just because you are
A little different.

I close my eyes
But I can't close my ears
I still hear you
I hear the silence you leave behind
When you are not around

I try to focus
Can't calm my mind down
To a reasonable speed
All I can do to stop from spinning out of control
Is to breathe in and out slowly

Not knowing how you are kills me
Not talking to you changes my day from bad to worst
In an instant we could connect
But you need to breathe too

Deep breathing
We are caught in the undertow
Heads above water
Why don't we walk on it
Sometimes I imagine that you are right here with me

So many times my mind has wandered off
Letting the shadows on the wall give me hope
I cannot easily define myself
Or my feeling
I don't want to talk about it

I want to write these words out of my system
Flush it out
Flush it all down the toilet
Burn it up
Burn it away
I have had enough of this melancholia

I just want to be needed
I am an addict
Addicted to myself
And also to you

I am shaking
Breaking apart into pieces
The edges are fraying
And I am melting down into a pool
A puddle of loneliness and misery

I should be alright
I am young, so resilient
So tough, I can adapt
Life goes on

But I need you
I write for catharsis
Let it all bleed out
You would understand that
You understand the draw of draining yourself

For a moment of feeling
For a minute of reality
Let the pain set in
Let the world fade out

I am caught up in this
I am so scared of living
Too

Don't throw me away
That is just what I expected
I wanted you to be different
Not abandoning me

I am muttering obscenities
At the top of my lungs
I sometimes wish I was never born
But all of it has been worth it
Even if we are just friends
In the past

That made it worth it
You are that important
I am not saying I won't ever move on
I am not saying you are the best thing that will ever happen to me
Just, you are the best thing yet

Using the words
I
Love
and You
I realize do not matter
Because you already know
That I care and I am there for you
In any and every way

Kissing you, although it would be great
I could not do it
I would not die without it
No matter how much I want it

I am writing this in order to let it out
I will probably make this public
Just because that is my nature
But I do not expect a response
Or even an acknowledgement

Mostly I just need to talk to you
To know you are still alive
Even though it scares you
Even though it scars you

I am so self involved
So self obsesses
But so focused on the negative aspects
I eat myself alive

I am funny
I can write
I am tall
I am a good listener

So I don't want to worry about anything
I do not need to freak out
I don't need the anxiety
But if it comes with you
I would take it
In a heartbeat

An image painted on a canvas
For the whole world to see
Is the image what they notice
Or is it what truly lies beneath
On the outside there's beauty
Radiating a hint of happiness
Filled with life and enthusiasm
Enjoyed by all who see, or notice
The hands that created this masterpiece
Must have been solid, and stern
For the wall that holds this canvas
Has a black lining the eyes can't see
Bitterness, shallow, and heartless
Covered with a coating of gold
To the human eye to seem like perfection
For there is no happiness within
An abundance of repentance
that grows under this image,
stretching high up along the walls
The image of everlasting beauty
Trees swaying in the background
Beautiful flowers blooming abundantly
The sun shining as though just ripened
Birds soaring through the air,
chirping this magical, mystical morning
Dew lying upon the image
leaving a sparkle to catch the eye
The image seen as it is wanted to be seen
Painted from the mind of someone
needing perfection taking nothing less
Knowing you can't cut a stone with scissors
Or fly like a bird without wings
You can't even create perfection
When there is no such a thing.
Minus all the beauty that this image holds
Would your attention be captured the same
If by fascination you could see with it
Without it what would you see
A canvas hanging on a wall alone
No beauty within or without
Black walls that line the canvas, no image
Empty, rebellious, alone
Fascination is taken away by reality
Once the image becomes clear it is no longer
an image, nor perfection you see
Though now noticeable the canvas
rests on the wall that is lined in black
Plain as the sky on a glorious day
The canvas holds no image of beauty
No image of any kind
It was merely what someone wanted you to see
Hoping that in reality the image
would always be there, stay the same
Beautiful, happy, loving
Speaking a thousand words just
from what your mind captured
It is now faint to the eyes, clear
That this canvas is nothing more
than a dishonest piece of work.

i wasn't the reason to make you stay
no matter how much i want to be
drag your life out one more day
i knew it was quite selfish of me.

yet i asked and i begged
promises fall deaf on your ears
with you gone i would be dead
no meaning in carrying out years.

you were afraid to meet my eyes
to give yourself away
of your plan that underlies
that stone expressioned face.

but your plan would soon unfold
soon that i found out
when almost a month ago
i found your body on the ground.

the needle in your hand
right where it belongs
your one and only friend
that stalked you all along.

this pain does not go away
and i'm afraid i'm on the verge of tears
but i've always been this way
now that you're not here.

they tell me i'll soon heal
and life will continue to go on
but this agony i have to deal
will simply never be gone.

and you did this.
you single handily murdered me.
and I can't forgive you.

You spark a fire in my heart
I swear without you
I would fall apart

You are everything
All I want and more
One hit of your love drug
And I'm hooked for life

Sweet and mysterious
Your love is my weakness
Can't live without it
If I even attempted
My heart would break

Love has gone to my head
Losing my mind over this
But I know that this is real
I can't deny what I feel