The first time I missed a bus
I ran down the street
Behind the bus that was fading away
Gradually
I cried shamelessly
While still chasing the bus down

I still miss buses
I still run down the street
I don't cry anymore about it though
Guess I have grown up

I think maybe I'm too comfortable
In solitude
In fact, when others explain
The hell
Of solitary confinement
I honestly believe
It sounds like bliss


I never miss you when you're gone
I never miss you at night
I never imagine your hand in mine
I never, never yearn for you


I think it's because
Mainly
I don't know what it's like
To miss anyone
With the exception of
Myself

I want to be the girl you talk about
When logic is no longer in sight
I want my name to be the one you mumble
To strangers on the street
Crying in the arms of ex-best friends
About how perfect we could have been


I hope I'm that lump in your throat
And you remember every inch of my lips
When you finally kiss another's
Out of sheer bitterness
I hope your bones shatter
When she grabs your hand
And you feel like there's nothing left
Worth breathing for


I want you to miss me so much
That you still dream of me
Singing you to sleep

I hope that, even for just a day,
You know how it feels
To be me

The truth was
I knew everyone I ever met
Was going to leave
Or ruin me
Somehow
One way or another..

I just wanted to find
One person
That was actually
Worth it.

But sometimes
Hearts are black
And promises are empty.

I just needed someone
That would pull me away
When I tried to jump
Off the cliffs in my head.

I just needed someone
That made the bruises sting
A little less
Than before
And someone who
Wouldn't dare give up
On me so easily.

Someone who
Knew why my blood ran thick
And my tears ran cold

Someone who
Didn't cut up my lungs
When I breathed in their name.

Someone new.
Because we both know.
It was never you.

It's a lot of work
Having to drag myself up here
Before slicing you off of me,
Piece by piece,
Tossing the already-rotting morsels
To the raptors
Lurking from the crags,
Anticipating
With rapt hunger.

Those poor birds
Having to settle for gristle,
Already spoiled by rancor and impermanence,
I hope they pardon me
Like how I'm starting to forgive you --
With resignation
Accepting
That it was all you had to offer
In your desolation and brokenness.
And maybe I should have known better
That you didn't know better
Than to sear your conscience,
That betrayal was all you knew.

The trek back down
Ought to be easy.
How can it not be
When I am divested
Of these memories staining me --
Of us flashing sickly sweet grins at each other
Breathing each other in
Serenaded by the music of our souls,
Each asomatous snapshot
Titanic in weight.

I'm surprised
The winds haven't carried me off by now.

terror in portals of rapture
twin mirrors reflect possible dolor
untrusting, yet entwined
so amenable.
immediate submergence,
reverence of marred flesh
intelligible infatuation inevitable.
howbeit, efflorescence devotion
find a way through;
transude into pores
inebriated in their fumes.
reverie becomes eternal sleep.