the words in my mouth
feel like a sinking ship.

“I love you” can be found
in the wreckage
at the bottom of the ocean

I could try to swim to it.
but I am not fond of the idea
of drowning.

there was something surreal
about the way he looked in the moonlight:
he was stained with shadows
and painted with smoke clouds
and his arm around my waist felt like an anchor.
every breath that ghosted my neck
was coated in warmth
and our hands found each other in the darkness
with perfect ease.
there was something surreal
about the way he looked at me:
like I was meant to be his.

trapped in the greyscale world of the night
where there is no color and there is no light
where heavy, tired thoughts will thrive
and bittersweet memories come alive

I’ve waited all my life to find
that someone who could stand my pride
my stubbornness, my independent ways
that aren’t exactly patient

I found you

in the driver’s seat of a beat-up jeep
and down the pier with both bare feet
your smile was enough to turn
my fondness into something worse

I knew you

you could take my hand and hold me tight
and I‘d walk with you through the night
no words were needed to describe
the way I felt by your side

I loved you

I am made of untapped potential and stubborn resolve:
an inferno rages underneath my skin and the ocean courses through my veins.
I hold an unlit match in one hand
and a water hose in the other.
I could set it all on fire;
make it all come crashing down.
or, I could drown the rest of the earth.
perhaps I'm the one to start the flame,
and the one to put it out,
but the world doesn't know that yet.

I dreamt of you in technicolor
a vivid sunset of fleeting touches and flashes of smiles
I walked through hope
and didn’t stop to wonder why everything was so bright
and nothing felt real
but it didn’t take long for the color to fade

I’m fighting
and I’m losing
and I’m falling apart at the seams
of which I’ve sewn myself
and I am so tired.
I’m tired of fighting.
there is a vice closed around my chest
because I don’t have the strength to pry it apart anymore
like I used to.