I still dream about having to choose


I always run from those deviously encapturing eyes.

Passion was a friend I once knew

God, a best friend

And I miss her all the time.

I miss the breathlessness

The quivering and excitement she brought

It's all gone now.

You are the light of my life
My morning sun and my evening moon
I want to reach you and stay by your side
Too bad you’re just “not in the mood”
Too bad “you have better things to do”
Because the only thing I do
is think of you

I dream
of you thinking about me too

I should be asleep.

Instead I'm lying in my bed crying

Thinking of all things left unsaid

Of all the feelings cut short

So many mistakes made

And no way to sort out these feelings

It feels as though the last page of my story has been ripped out

I don't know how I keep going each day

It hurts to breathe

But it hurts to imagine stopping

How can I feel loved for the first time in my life

And still not feel good enough

Still feel like just a thing to be used as a convenience

I feel like there's no fixing the tattered pieces of my soul.

I've never given anything away as much as I have my body

Grin and bare it

Maybe if I make noise it'll be over faster

Maybe if I close my eyes hard enough I'll fall asleep

Maybe I can convince myself I want this.

Maybe is never enough.

I'm in a bad mood today

And sometimes I think you're the only one who knows how to fix it

But I would never reach out

Not after all the pain

And I know you

You'll probably never speak to me again.

So I'm at a standstill

Just waiting for this day to be over.

Being loved totally and completely is such a strange feeling

It's such a revelation to have someone always willing to put you first

Someone who makes you love yourself.