i have
taught myself
to believe
that you are worth
every ounce
of heartache
and every ounce
of pain
that you
have cast upon me
and now
i must dig
myself out
of this hole
that i have
created.

i can't
even look
towards the east
when you rise
because i know
it will hurt

and i can't
even look
towards the west
when you set
because i know
it will hurt

but
somehow
i can't manage
to live
without you.

she is the ruins
broken
and cracked
demolished
and destroyed
but
there is a reason
people stop
and stare
because through all
the damage
she is still
so
completely
breathtaking

i don't think you realize
that you hold
the thread
and needle
that keeps my heart
together.

i need to be alone, i tell you
and you say that i dont mean that
because you are scared to let me breathe
and realize that it is oxygen i need to survive
and not you, the poison filling my lungs

i know that
one day
i will be okay
and that
will be the end
of you.

do you ever think about what we could have been?

we were in love with each other,
but we were not made for each other

i crave to be able
to be vulnerable with you.
to peel my skin apart,
unravel my brain,
and allow you to see
everything inside of me
without having to worry
if you only want the best parts of me.

stop me from
d                        
r                  
o          
       w          
    n
            i
                 n
                        g

keep me from falling
                           a
                      p
               a
        r
  t

carry me
h
o
m
e.

do not let them tell you
that you are a work in progress

you are a never ending masterpiece

fingertips press
against my skin.
they are calloused
and gentle and
slow moving as if
they are trying
to engrave
the outline of me
into their mind
forever.
trails of heat
are left in their wake,
lines of fire
beginning to spark.
the dim sunlight
of morning
casts between the slots
of the broken blinds,
falling on us.
one ray of light
falls over the side
of your face,
over one eye.
the brown looks
like it is glowing,
specks of dark
surrounding your iris
to the depths
of your pupil.
your eyes —
one glowing
and one hidden
by the shadows —
are fixated on me.
my gaze feels frozen
as it settles onto you
and i don't understand
how you can have the power
to make me feel
both frozen
and inflamed
all at once.
my breath catches
in my throat
as i wonder
what i did
to become so lucky
to be in
this spot
next to you.
as we wake up
and lay here in silence,
waiting for one
to break and make
the first move
to start the day.
but i would be
perfectly okay
laying here
forever
but i know
we have to leave
and i will spend my day
thinking about
being in this exact spot
until it comes again.

i would forever hold
your broken pieces together
no matter how tired my arms got
if it meant i could see
the light shine through your eyes
and the crooked tilt of your smile
just one more time

you feel like
relief

sometimes we will drown
forgetting that our feet can touch.
remember there is always support
holding you above the water
no matter how far out into the ocean
you may feel.

i find peace
that i can share my thoughts with you.

thank you beyond words.