slit my wrists
and call me to the graveyard

nothings left
but for me to die

I can't breathe
the dirt is calling me down

my victim, myself
screams out in the night

I let it all go
the timing was just right

the water turned red
as my mind flowed away

I see nothing but darkness
all my past mistakes

not even death
can be my escape

I want to fall in love with you
But I don't know if that's a good idea

I want to wait for you to admit it first
But I fear that's what you want too

I want you to just tell me how you really truly feel
But I think that won't happen 'til I tell you

I want to tell you I'm in love with you
But I am much too nervous to do it

What if you don't love me back?
What if I tell you and you back away?
What do I do?

Should I tell you that I love you
Should I tell you that I want to love you
Should I wait for you to tell me first
Should I wait for you to love me first

I try to feel
happy
I try to feel
glad

I try so hard.

I hide
the pain
I hide
the hurt

I hide it all.

I can't do it.
It hurts.
I can't hide it.
The pain.

I know I should be
happy.
I know I should be
glad.

I know I should.

I push it away.
The pain.
I push it away.
The hurt.

What do I do?
What should I say?
What can I do?

I cannot ask for
help
I cannot ask for
aid

I just can't.

Doing this?
Writing this?
It's not a plea.
This is a form
of expression.

I can express
how I feel.
I can express
what I feel.

Out there?
In the real world?
It is not
possible.

People talk over
me.
People walk over
me.

I do not
understand.
I do not
comprehend.

Why can't I?
Why couldn't I?

I do not understand;
the pain that I feel.
I try to comprehend,
but that doesn't help.

I try to live
in blissful
ignorance.

Ignorance of
my past.
Ignorance of
my life.

If I can make myself
forget
If I can make myself
stop

Does that make it
less real?
Does that make it
fake?

No.
The pain is here.
No.
The hurt is here.

Forgetting
doesn't stop it.
Forgetting
will never stop it.

Yes.
I will fight it.
Yes.
I will try to win.

Remembering
admitting it happened.
Remembering
knowing it was real.

I can work past.
The pain.
I can work past.
The hurt.

I can.
I will.
Why not?

I have so much to say
But the words
just aren't there.

These ideas rushing through
my mind is reeling
it won't stop thinking.

There are some things that
I just want get all of it out
To yell these ideas.

But for some reason
the words just stop in place
unmoving when I need them.

Trying to discover why
these words are just stuck
back in my brain.

Someday I'll know why
understand why they hid
fleeting from my grasp.

But I know when I need them
the words will come back
flooding out the gates.

They'll come all at once
not a simple trickle
but a great river of words.

More than I can put
on this blank page
and in greater detail.

I can't use certain words
Because they offend
certain people.

Do we want to do this?
Do you want to
start this game?

If I went around telling people
they can't use certain words.
No one would talk to me.

In my short life
I've had many things
go terribly wrong.

But I don't tell people
what they can't joke about
that they can't even use the words.

So do you really want to start this?
I don't take offense at your off color jokes
The ones that actually do hurt

When you joke about "emo" kids
Because they're the ones who cut themselves
Because only stupid people cut

When you joke about shooting yourself
Because you don't want to do something
Because something is difficult

When you joke about so many sensitive topics
You risk hurting someone else
But you preach that already

I expect that if you censor me
I have the right to do the same
Isn't that how it works now?

So next time I say something
That you don't agree with
Bite your tongue or prepare yourself

You either accept what I say
Or you stop making sensitive subject jokes
Because you'll have to deal with my hurt.

I'm me.
Who might you be?
Do we know each other?
Do you know me?
Do I know you?

Who are we?
People in the sea
of doubt and hope
love and hate
Who knows!

We are we
I am me
You are you
We don't know this
though

Because we are we
not you or I
we are not separate
but together
or so I think

Maybe we aren't we
maybe we could be
me and you
with others
not us

You are other
I am me
We aren't us
Or so I think
should I though?

I come to an end
But nothing is clearer
We are we
I am me
and you are you