Losing you has been the most fundamental loss of my entire existence
It's like yearning to go home
But not being able to go ever go back
Or desperately trying to get a hold of
something intangible
my feet unsteady
On the muddy terrain of grief

For the both of us
I vowed to carry on
I must
Just often times
the air
gets hard to breathe
And I yearn for you
more than you'll ever know
My hands shake
The will be is
I am weighed down
with guilt, shame and fear
I would sell my soul for a room next to yours
I would have lassoed the moon to present it at very your feet
Forgive me,
I never bought you a pair of shoes
I never had the chance

The living have to live
Time keeps staggering on to nowhere.

I know you when you delicately stitch the fragments of your unbecoming
When everyone else is reaching is reaching for the sun
I know you when you ache to swallow it
When you rip through yourself
Searching for the skeleton key
That will quieten the longing
The cure
Vague, elusive
I know you when your love is sacrificial, ******, clingy but real.

I am in the city you hated
In the guts of the very land
which made you tremble
I am in the center of the bruise,
still
Embroiled
by and by
It is bursting, heavy
My eyes are falling.