noelle

noelle Sep 2020

2.19.18

who ever thought you'd be the one
to put me back together;
to glue the broken pieces?
i sure didn't.

it was platonic,
it was nothing.
until one day, i noticed you.
you wanted me.
someone wanted me!
and two years later you still do.

somewhere in between i fell in love
with my best friend.

you're a girl, though.
surely i didn't think about kissing you every day.
surely i didn't look into your eyes longer than a straight girl would.
surely i'm not gay.

but isn't that what they always say?

Sep 2020

nevaeh

why

~
you did what the doctors
could never have done
you made me happy
without stealing my fun
~

i used to keep a shoe box under my bed
i called the box
"my will to live"
every day that i was happy
every day i was glad to be alive
i would write down why
and put it in the box

when i was suicidal
or just feeling like a *******
i would look in the box
and try to remember why i shouldn't
**** myself

the reason why i still care
the reason why im still trying
is just how many times
your name has ended up in that box
the reason why
is how many times you were the only reason
i didn't take my own life.

you aren't my only reason anymore
but you were for a very long time
so i literally owe you
my life

thats why

#why #suicide

noelle Sep 2020

i beg

i'm on my knees,
please don't leave.

you know every inch of me,
every thought i have.

in this moment i am vulnerable;
i will do anything.

please don't leave,
i'm on my knees.

noelle Sep 2020

1:27 a.m.

i could be sound asleep,
tucked away in my queen-sized bed.
but the thought of you consumes me.

your soft hands on my cheek,
moving lower,
making me weak.

you're miles away,
yet you seem to control my mind.
oh darling, you're one of a kind.

i miss you.

noelle Sep 2020

sunrise, sunset

every so often you are gifted
with beautiful colors up above.
like someone grabbed a brush
and painted the sky.
it’s ambiance lingers in my mind:
whether it’s in my dreams,
or keeps me in a daze.
how can this dreadful earth
produce such a delicate display?

noelle Sep 2020

music, not drugs

lean back,
listen closely to the lyrics,
feel the beat rush through your body,
let it drown out your sorrows.

it’s only momentary,
but it’ll make you feel something:
something more than agony,
something more than nothing.
any feeling is better than this.

you could say i’m addicted,
but music breathes.
music evolves.
music loves.
music dies.
and so do I.

that is my addiction:
i don’t feel so lonely all the time.

noelle Sep 2020

broken perfection

how can I ever be perfect
when i don’t even know what it means to be myself?

i’m thrown into a sea of lies:
drowning in the false idea that i’m more
than i really am.

i put a mask for your standards.
is it really becoming me,
or is my face cracking underneath?

imnotgoodenoughimnotgoodenough
i replay these words in my head
like a broken record.

they break off a piece of my true identity
until i cannot recognize myself;
until i look in the mirror and hate who I see.

but you made that happen.
i don’t know i am...
because of you.