I looked at you today.
    And I "checked you out"
for a good moment or two.
And in those moments,
I didn't really think about too much.
I just thought of you.

For the first time, in a long time,
There wasn't something
   Eating away at my thoughts.
I realized how I could really
        get used to that feeling of clarity.
And it reminded me to tell you;
          That you have the most beautiful eyes.

How do you live with yourself?
When your mind has been twisted,
With so many anxieties?



You plan out every step ahead of time
Way ahead of time

You choose your actions carefully
Because one wrong move and you're dead

You don't make eye contact
People will see your pain, these eyes reveal everything

You walk faster
So no one can stare at you for very long

You don't speak up for yourself
There is nothing worth speaking for

You put a stupid smile on your face
Get through the day, you can cry your eyes out later

Every single step
Every single breath
Makes you wonder
Why you're here
And why it's happening to you

Every scar
Every tear
Reminds you that
You're broken
Useless

And unlovable

Marine Corps

Seconds become minutes,
numbers are only digits.
Minutes become hours,
our love, bloomed like flowers.
Hours become days,
the Marines made us go separate ways.
Days become weeks,
my eyes sprung many leaks.
Weeks become months,
I'm home, while you're doing stunts.
Can't wait to see you again,
each letter we send, is with the same pen.
The year is about to end,
can't wait to see my best friend.
Months turn into weeks,
there will be no kissing on cheeks.
Weeks turn into days,
finally no more **** delays.
Days turn into hours,
so excited I took two showers.
Hours turn into minutes,
our love has no limits.
Minutes turn into seconds,
time is now of the essence.
I heard a knock at the door,
it was the Sargent of the Marine Corps.
Couldn't help but shed a tear,
after all I waited a whole **** year.

If you want to destroy me then tell
Me you love me by making me fall for you at 230am. If you want to know ******* me tell me everything I want to here about how I make your life complete and how the stars are more beautiful when we look at them together. Tell me that falling in love with me was the greatest thing your heart has ever felt other then beating 30 beats per mintine. Which in fact I have counted from those sleepless nights. Tell me that you are completely lost without my touch and without me around you don't know what to do with yourself. I never felt wanted but I let anyone in that can tell me the sweetest words. Not that my heart can't be put back together no it has gone and ran away from my body and I can't seem to
Find it. It doesn't want to hurt like he made it. My heart can't handle those nights worried sick worthless moments you made it feel. I can't keep cutting away at the thought of that 4 letter word anymore. I never thought that being in love could take so much hurt from you and only use up so little of the good. Isn't that kinda pathetic letting someone destroy you from outside in and only thinking that that's what you deserve? That all I could ever have is a man treat me like **** and don't think that I deserve any better? That the thought of being happy actually sickens me? I keep saying its not my fault that I'm ******* and that I can't give a single person a straight answer but it is my fault. It's my fault for letting countess people use me and rip me piece by piece that I don't think there anymore feeling anyone can take from me. It's my fault I let some boy take a year and a half of my life and make me feel thing that I never understood and just leave me out in the cold for a cheap one night stand. Would it be stupid if I was sorry? Sorry that I'm not enough to be as strong as people think I am? That I can be alright if I'm not alone. That I can fake that I am aright? I try to be happy with the fact that I made it out okay that I'm not in that anymore and I can move on with life but it's not that simple. It's not simple to forget everything in a snap and it's not okay to be alright during the day but when night comes all you think is tearing up and not waking up. Maybe it's better that way maybe. Hiding it all. Im still here right? haven't completely broke yet.

Remember When

Remember days that were simple,
nothing to do but pop a pimple.
Graduating from high school,
everyone thinking the're so cool.
Going on a first date,
worrying about being overweight.
Having *** for the first time,
never called again, what a slime.
Driving in your first car,
partying like a rock star.
Then it's off to college,
beer and *** produces knowledge.
Some go off to the military,
having friends that are imaginary.
Then a job or even a career,
not a worry, not a fear.
Future so bright, must wear shades,
life becoming more like charades.
Get married and have a baby,
then the spouse always says maybe.
Start fooling around with a neighbor,
snorting coke on a piece of paper.
Life never becomes what's expected,
family and friends becoming neglected.
Now divorced and feeling alone,
life spiraling like a cyclone.
Drug abuse got out of control,
in jail waiting for parole.
Never again seeing that child,
when first born you cried and smiled.
Can't find work and being broke,
when did life become a joke.
Wishing life went back to simple,
when toughest choice was what color sprinkle.
If had to do all over again,
You'd believe in god and say amen.