it’s getting closer..
i can feel the tips of my toes
wet and ice cold as they start to grab the edge
i felt okay
i felt peace
when did this feeling switch
those past feelings fleeted in an instance
my world started crashing
just like the sound of the water
directly underneath me
destructive thoughts invade my brain
i can’t do this anymore
is it even worth it

there is an empty void where my heart used to beat
or there is every emotion you could possibly imagine
sadness
anger
despair
hate
admiration
obsession
love
it’s all or nothing when it comes to how i feel
i’m sorry you have to bear the overwhelming weight
that i put on you
an unreasonable amount of responsibility
that you never asked for
and here you are
but why

my life was
one of the many
candles
in a witch's lair
you snuffed out my steady flame
I am grey and quickly fading
drifting away even in still air
only a whisper of what I used to be

you left
when the blood was flowing
out of my neck

the wound
oozing pain and anguish
festered, pus and oil

it scabbed over
but the infection still raged
war against my heart

you're the poison in my bloodstream
and one day day my heart just might
stop

i want to have a poetic death
the one where you stand on the edge
while the sun is barely peaking into the night sky
feeling the breeze kiss my skin
an unnerving calmness
falling through the sky
silently into the black river

i had just finished writing to you
words cannot explain how much i still miss you
your death hit me hard
i didn’t believe i could live without you
i don’t know if you hear me anymore
at first i could feel you
but you’ve disappeared into radio silence
i still tell you i love you every day
i put a crystal on your ashes
i touch it almost everyday
making sure to rub in the love essential oil
hoping i get to feel you or see you
just one more time
i light incense for you every now and again
to show you that i’m still here
i had almost lost hope
thinking you had finally left me
but when i ignited that fire
i swear i could see something
in the gray smoke that came about from the flame
a tiny halo appeared and slowly flew upwards
oh how i’ve missed you

i couldn’t be more grateful to you
you gave me a place to escape
fleeing from the abuse from my family
the feeling of not having a home anymore
the emptiness that has been left behind
from the death of my most beloved companion
right into the loving arms of you and your family
change feels impossible to me
i am unable to adapt to new surroundings
i can’t shake these feelings
these overwhelming feelings i don’t belong here
it’s been months and still
this loneliness and feeling unwanted won’t shake
it clouds my brain
begging to explode and always managing to
i’m sorry i erupt and it all spills onto you
please forgive the fire inside me
that comes out frigid