i was on top of the world today
with the feeling of being unstoppable
mania coursing through my veins
childlike with no ounce of regret
i can face every fear i’ve ever had
until i stepped into the dark
only then i realized that happiness is temporary
i sat on the edge and watched myself plunder
remembering a blanket of gray washing over me
everything i own drained of color
lifeless
watching my younger self turn to dust
realizing it was only a dream
a dream i wish i could play in forever
my aspirations and goals gone
my sense of wonder obliterated
thrusted into deep feelings of regret and loneliness
why am i like this
why must my brain sabotage every ounce of happiness i can muster

my mind is waging wars with me
i’ve lost track of how many years
my brain attacks every little insecurity of mine
creating new ones i never knew i had
i’ve lost this battle three times now
every little fiber in me is fighting
but now my brain is getting close to my heart
it’s slowly cracking into little pieces
one by one i’m scared there will be nothing left
and all these years will have meant nothing

There's the high,
And there's the low
Oh, but the numbness in the middle,
Feels most like home to me.

He, being the sun,
He stole the blue sky.
He left me nothing but
the storm clouds

And storm clouds cry.

i feel like i’m in the middle of a tsunami
the waves of the sea keep crashing in on me
pulling me under unforgivingly
over and over again until i can no longer breathe
i wish i could contradict myself with a happy ending
but there isn’t one
i no longer want to be saved
i want Poseidon himself to drag me down
into to the depths to lie on a bed of sand
and rest there forever

becoming a writer is hard
finding the right words
hoping people support your art
trials and errors of past loves
inspiring your writing
sometimes i feel regret
i regret some of the people i dedicated my writing to
but i look back and realize
that was my journey
all of the love
all of the hurt
all of the dedication
i don’t regret it anymore
art stems from feelings
thank you for the fleeting moments
because you all have inspired me

it’s hard having a heavy heart
a heart full of love that always seems to be taken advantage of
no matter how hard you try, you feel everything
all of the good and all of the bad
weighing you down or lifting you up
mostly it’s the latter
although it is mostly pain that i feel
i would never want it to be any other way
this heavy heart found my way to you
only when i was ready to feel everything again
no more drinking the feelings away
or abusing drugs given to me
i was lost, but then i found myself
and then i was ready to find you
and this heavy heart, despite all the struggles
has the chance to feel all of your love
your pain is my pain
your happiness is also mine
and everything in between
and i have never been so grateful to carry this burden
of a heavy heart