it’s hard having a heavy heart
a heart full of love that always seems to be taken advantage of
no matter how hard you try, you feel everything
all of the good and all of the bad
weighing you down or lifting you up
mostly it’s the latter
although it is mostly pain that i feel
i would never want it to be any other way
this heavy heart found my way to you
only when i was ready to feel everything again
no more drinking the feelings away
or abusing drugs given to me
i was lost, but then i found myself
and then i was ready to find you
and this heavy heart, despite all the struggles
has the chance to feel all of your love
your pain is my pain
your happiness is also mine
and everything in between
and i have never been so grateful to carry this burden
of a heavy heart

the silence is deafening
it’s where lies my deepest fears
the traumas of my past
i sleep with noise to help drown the silence
and then i met you
i still sleep with noise
but in the early morning when we wake
i feel at peace with our silent affection
lying there completely vulnerable
to all of my forbidden thoughts
but all i think about and hear
is your peace
it resonates inside of me
and i am so grateful for you

Why don't you
save it.
I'm so tried.
Halfway apologies
Half answered prayers.
Its always
one sided.
Bittersweet conversations
Vacant blank stares
I wish i could
save it.
Why don't you?

Oh, but being invincible comes at what cost?
Covenants at a crossroads accrue from a loss. 🖤

she had vanished in to thin air
nobody had seemed to care about her disappearance
even shortly after the attempt of her own life
she had angelic white hair
ocean blue eyes that could stop someone dead in their tracks
a devilish white grin full of temptation
until she was found
crumpled up on a mattress on the floor
half smoked cigarettes and empty bottles of *****
hiding in greasy and clumped hair
her skin sickly and wan
awoken by a figure with terror in her hollow eyes
relief washed over her when she recognized safety
still in a drug induced state, she said
"please help me, I've been *****"

today was beautiful
my therapists saw progress
i felt happy and free
but as i laid in bed to sleep
everything came crashing in
my heart and mind are in turmoil
what a fool am i
to think it could even last a day
i just wish for peace
and i envy those
who don’t have to feel my despair

it’s so hard to start over
you can be used and abused
over and over again
the thing about people like us
the ones who care
and love with everything we have
we are the ones who are most
taken for granted
yet it still feels impossible to walk away
even when you know
you are not wanted
you sit there and hope
even beg for their attention
with no response
sat on delivered
and messages read
but i promise it’ll pass
every day is a battle
but it is a battle you can win
it only takes time