the thing about depending on people
for motivation to produce your art
is that they can leave
and every time you try to write or draw
memories of them come flooding back
ripping your heart into shreds all over again
so you return to the real world
bottling up the pain in the hopes
that the next one stays

the world around me is spinning
it seems like the ground is out of reach
and i start to drown in anxiety
my life has turned upside down
though i should have expected it
because nothing ever lasts
then i feel your hands softly grab mine
slowly pulling me down to reality
i see your kind blue eyes
and suddenly the flutters of hope
engulf me and i pray
that this will be my forever

So you can make plans
But just not with me
Making plans with these other girls
With your friends
But I’m left without
I thought I was your one
Because you are mine
Guess I was selfish
Asking you to stay for me
Watching you party with some girl
I realized I was not important
To you anymore

I’ll be your secret muse
But no more
Because tomorrow
You will be gone
Back in her embrace
Memories of me
Fleeting
And I’ll sit here
Waiting for that call
Your honey suckle voice
Inviting me to play
If only for today

You’re here laying next to me
But yet so far away
Your body is with me
But your mind is wandering
Are you thinking about her
Do you picture my face with hers
When you ****** in to me
Do you love her
The way in which you love me
Do you let her see your most
Vulnerable, disgusting self
Or am I the only one who sees
Because you fear she will not love
Who you truly are the way I do

My whole being is gray
My hair, my body, my eyes
Lifeless and empty
And drowning in grays
Weighing down my lifeless soul
Gray waves crash against me
Pulling me farther down
Until there is no more
I lay there feeling the comfort
Of the water holding me down
Just so gently
Caressing my cold naked skin
Inviting me to give in
And I let go

the absence of you
hits like ecstasy

in the lake of my tar-black pupils
you can see the regret

my teeth chatter loudly
but you can still hear the sound of goodbye

right before the crash