looking up at the stars
admiring their ethereal beauty
wondering how i got here
i feel so empty
lonely
and lost
take me away
put me up in the sky
to live with the stars
admired from afar
so i don't have to feel this way anymore

i am home again
at eighteen(failure)

when i look in the mirror
i can't decide who it is
i'm looking at

and for the first time
it's okay
not to know

i am home again
at eighteen (hopeful)

when i look in the mirror
i see
whoever i want to be

a soft spoken voice always appears
when i’m at my breaking point
she whispers in my head
“take one more, it’ll be worth it”
i try to ignore her but she only gets louder
more aggressive
“you know you want this”
“you don’t want to feel”
“let me help you”
“i can take the pain away”
so i’ll take three more
in the hopes of you disappearing

soft brown hair
kind hazel eyes
warm ethereal soul

she always thought i was her angel
but maybe she is mine

conversations on the couch
have never felt the same
since you left me that day
we spent countless hours
talking
smoking
drinking
on that little beaten up couch
almost as frail and torn as our souls were
laughing and kissing for hours
burning ourselves with cigarettes
so we would have these memories forever
it seems so ****** up, but so are we
and i wouldn't have it any other way
i wish we could go back to those two weeks
not giving a **** what we put into our bodies
only focused on the now
never worried about what was to come
i miss you and i miss that small, broken couch
and those endless nights where everything made sense

i look into her pale blue grey eyes
they are lifeless
empty
hollow
vacant
nothingness
when did the passion and meaning
leave her to defend for herself
before when you would look into
those beautiful blue eyes
they would light up whenever she
smiled
laughed
joked
or even just existed
now it's like she's fallen off the face of the earth
leaving behind a fragile shaking body
with no remnants of the girl i used to know