i wish you were here
to feel your lips against mine
i know we have all the time in the world
but all i can think about is now
drinking whiskey and making bad decisions
indescribable feelings i can actually make sense of
it feels like everything has fallen into place
and i am worthy of a love like ours

my little blonde girl
smokes cowboy killers
she looks as innocent
as all ******* hell
but she has more
secrets than me.
in less than a week
she blessed me with
the unhappiness of
caring about someone again.
its easier to be lonely
and be happy with
your own unhappiness-
as insane as that ******* sounds
i feel like i can't go back to my little bubble of
"******* and **** me and **** everyone"
because pretty soon i'll
just be lonely and
unhappy about it.
i didn't have time to
love her enough,
and she'll be back home,
smoking cowboy killers
to **** up her pretty little lungs
with someone else.

i feel so incredibly isolated
looking at all those stars
wondering if you can see them too
i so badly wish you were here
looking at them with me

i want to be skin and bone
i want to float away into nothingness
like the clouds do in the sky
they look so weightless and lovely
that's exactly how i want to be
beautiful, light, and airy
like you can't even hear my footsteps
beautifully sculpted
hollowed cheekbones
fragile, breakable body
i want people to look at me
and see the worried looks in their eyes
only then will i know
i made it

you were always too busy
i was always too sad
i told you i wanted to die
no reply
so i took one two three
fifty sleeping pills
i told you i was scared
no reply
i told you i was becoming numb
no reply
then i fell asleep
with no hope of waking up

Cold.

It was cold today.

       It is always cold.

Not outside
      
But in my soul.

I am the cold.

Frozen. Barren. Winter.


Waiting,
   For icy glaciers
   to warm up and melt away
        All the pale parts of me.

Waiting
   For little flowers
   to sprout up and peek out
        From my hungry bones.

I am cold.

I’m winter and waiting.

Longing for spring.

Longing for being.

In my frigid corpse.
                  

-JustHayy

the ceiling at night
the backs of my eyelids
death
are the same color

i am tired of staring up at nothing
thinking about everything

i am tired of waking up to
the lie that I am and will always be

i am so tired
please let me fall down, down, down
and never wake up