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 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Jerry
Red
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Jerry
Red
eyes fogged red
crisp air, dead--dry as my
calm, cold skin
supersaturated thoughts
slowly condensing
I watch as they fall
I fall
I fell
afraid to glance towards the mirror
eyes widened
eyes fogged red
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Jerry
Today I heard it from a different voice
I couldn't utter a word
Dead silence--it wasn't by choice
I connected as I heard

I listened to what she had to say
Each sound striking me--cringing--my emotions blurred
My thoughts began to decay

Today I heard it from a different light
And here I am--in the dead of night
my only option seeming to be
to write
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Jerry
They told me there was a chance
It would be this way
For the rest of my life
That it was a possibility
It would be like this
Forever
I would stay this way
For the rest of my life

They told me that it was something
I couldn't control
That the only thing left was acceptance
But I can't accept--
And never will accept--
To accept what?
To accept the only thing holding me back
Is myself
How can something inside me
Something that is me
Keep myself hostage

They told me it would help
That it would help me
Help me fight this illness
Each morning I have to ask myself
If my sickness is what I want to be
Or just a slave to a bottle
Every night one
Each day three
They say embrace who I am
What I know I'll never be
Because I know I'll never be free

Im thankful because they told me so
They told me they love me
I told them thank you
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Jerry
a kind of darkness
  so fluid
  it wraps around you
  confining every step
  and every thought

a kind of darkness
  so dense
  your legs—tired
  eyes becoming weak
  you can feel the light linger beyond your grasp
  you know you’ll never see it

a kind of darkness
  so vivid
  you can’t escape
  the taste of blood encompasses your senses
  and you’ll never come to accept it

a kind of darkness
  so true
  the only light you know
  was just a shadow
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Guss
I tell myself,
"Go dine tonight on memories,
on the fleeting thoughts of misery,
the tale tell signs of ignorance,
and the blind reliance on energy."

My other self then chimes in,
"But the beast still silent,
hiding in the shadows,
waits to prey on you
as you yourself feast upon the world."

"Good luck with that, Me", I say.
Continuing my meal,
and cutting Me off short.

Thats the day I watched my ego walk away.
I try not to let it phase me
but truth be told it did.
None the less I bit the Bulleit,
the elixir to my problems.
I think tomorrow my ego
is finally gonna come home.
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Guss
Vexed by the dots that are strewn above the clouds.
My intense gaze fixed upon the moon
and the mystery it shrouds.
As my observance leaves home freedom is found.
Invigorating.
Beats of a cosmic drum,
binding strength to my essence,
keep my flight in animation.
The beads of cosmic spring,
trickle the length of my lips
and I dance across the space between each star.

Laughing and crying
and learning the truth of it all,
and seeing the probabilities.
This was my lasting message
as I couldn’t fly forever,
be at one with your planet
for the bounty of nature
is endless,
and our lasting possibilities
simply rely on that.
 Jan 2014 Nikki Whittaker
Ciara
Goodnight, you said;

Goodbye, I said



And you never thought *twice
  about it...
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