On a vine grew the loudest tiny flower ever to grow,
Glowing blood-orange in the yellow day’s sun,
It sprung from the brightest green stem
Like an old victrola horn into little
Powdery pistolas firing from the center, piercing ears

Like sound. Inside out along the walls of
The horn shaped a star that daydreamed of first kisses
Dismissive with bliss, or the first feet to ever
Leave their heavy prints on the cold blue surface of the moon.
On a vine grew the loudest tiny flower ever to grow.

Are you happy now,
that I've figured out I was just a victim,
in a game of lies and lustful tension?**

My love, try to understand me when I say you torture me.
Your lips they beg for me to get you alone.
I want you to know it's the sway of your hips.
You taste so sweet cruel temptress.
I'm at your feet.
I can tell by the way you move that you want me to want you.

Are you happy now that I've figured out I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?

Your lips they beg for me to get you alone.
I want you to know it's the sway of your hips.
You taste so sweet, cruel temptress.
I'm at your feet.
I can tell by the way you move that your want me to want you.

Are you happy now that I've figure out that I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?

I can't believe I fell for you!
I was wrong, I am so confused.
A foolish mistake!

I gaze across the chasm that divides me from her, my prize.
And drink in her beauty.
I let the heady aroma of perfume riding on the hot wind saturate me.
I train my ears to the creaking of the bridge spamming the gap to her.
I throw caution into that wind of passion and continue down the path.
The path to the unknown.

I'm losing control and I want all of you.
I ache to swallow you.
I'm losing control, you're body screams for me, it's destroying me!

I can not resist the temptress of the night!
I'm coming for you!, I want you, I need you!
As the earth quakes I will deflower you!
Oh how my head swims, oh how my heart yearns!
I'm coming for you!
Our flesh will become one and we'll never speak of what we've become!
It's what you want. I'm gone! I'm gone! I'm gone!

So it seems that we were nothing.
I'm giving up!

Are you happy now that I've figured out that I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?
I can't believe I fell for you!
I was wrong, I am so confused.
A foolish mistake.

Everyone journeys to be more but stuck in the struggle
Some desire love while others chase dreams
Careers that others told them would never happen
Obsessed and determined to more
Stuck with less deep down you can be the best
Limits and held back all you want to do is breakout
Feeling good others poison the mind with doubt
Stand tall others want to see you fall
Broken within hide the pain keeping busy not lost in thought
Shattered memories remain that one wants to relive
With the good comes the bad everything will be fine
Be happy over sad moments stuck in tim

The urge to drink not giving
Will not consume or be consumed
Numb to the world hoping to be normal
Past due like the bills feeling cut off
Inner peace turns to rage and hate
You don't want to hurt anyone
Self destruction is no longer an option
You walk away wishing you could stay
The heart and mind conflict the truth is blurred
Mostly denied not the official plan
Only if everything would fall into place

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** the **** button is stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believed it when they told me you would heal my pain, my suffering, and my problems.
Every morning and all day long I let you flow through my veins.
Never loving anyone else, not even myself.

I thought you were my savior for making me feel good.
As long as you were with me, nothing could hurt me.

Until I woke one day and you were not there.
My body trembled for you,
my stomach churned.
Oh, how I needed you!

No way to go get you,
No way could I walk.
I believed you when you said you wouldn't hurt me.
Yet, you are gone and oh, how I hurt.

Ten years of my life, two kids that you made me loose,
And two more I gave up just for you.
My house, my truck....
All just so I could be stuck on you.

Nowhere to sleep,
Nothing to eat.
All my family has turned their backs on me,
all because I choose to take that journey.

Now I'm laying here in this hospital bed,
doctors telling me I was almost dead.
Yet, when I leave this hospital room,
I just run back to you.

Oh, how I loved you.
From 16 years old until 26 I spent all my time with you.
Now, I'm listening to the voice in my heart,
the voice I hear in my soul.
I just don't know....
Am I going insane?

No, I hear the deep thoughts in my mind.
It is your Lord telling you it's time.

Where do I go?
What do I do?
I asked you.
Wait and I'll show you.

To my surprise,
There was my friend walking in
when I was about to do my last dime.

My Lord tells me once more,
It's time, pour your heart out.
And watch he will show you where to go.

To this place my friend asks me to go,
A church! I would've never known.
Beautiful lady, beautiful heart....
Gives me the chance to open my heart.

Change my ways is what I'm told.....
Instead of meeting with what I thought was my love.....
I'm meeting with people who done what I've done.

5 years have gone by,
and you are not even on my mind.
With my Savior, years have gone by.....
Living the life that was meant for me.

Yet, I find myself asking....
What is my purpose in life?

I hear the Lord tell me yet once more,
I had a plan for you but you choose your own.
Now I see why I have given you the choice,
Because now you will help the people who made their addiction their life.

Without you, My Lord....
Without you, My Friends......
Without you, My Pastor......
But most importantly......
Without you, my family.......

Life would have never been changed......

Death told her
           her life should end
and he was her friend

Calmly, she stole my gun
     she walked outside in the sun
pulled the trigger, set the mood
barrel to her head to conclude

I saw her head come undone
,,, Reached down, for my gun
Eyed the chunks in her hair
Now to my head |
                               |I draw a rose there.

what they call a heart, my every anchor chained
what the pages make my story, every loss explained
like words in letters, as if they retain it, like they make it better
as if the knowing of it loosed or broke these fetters
eight ways the shapes of my only alphabet spells s-u-r-v-i-v-o-r
infinitely too short a word and leaving me to wander again if I'm alive in her
they think it breeds strength to outlive the beatings
they think it makes a great chase never retreating in the pursuit of what's fleeting
just once couldn't I rest and feel safe like it could all get clearer?
in the haze of aging when I'm sure it isn't my real smile in any mirror
in the crowded, faceless streets of having to stand on my own two feet alone
with all the hurtful, hateful, squalls this living condones
everyone thinking they know me because they know my name
know the face that's a mask over what's hollowed out by the aches I don't explain
and someone asks me to come near, to be dear, to love again
and they give like gifts and they mend the rifts and they care and then
the cycle of costs begins again, the loss of the friends again breathes
and makes every swallowed wine taste less like escape and reminds that it never relieves
and every candle on a cake burns another year I waited to start over
and every green field yields beauty unnoticed in my frantic search for a lucky clover
the pages pile with words wasted on hoping for better
and my few days waste away with so much time lost in trying to understand "forever"
so if you think that you know what made me then you haven't been listening to the words I didn't say
and if you've ask me for love then you've never felt what I already gave away

so put the times you've felt greatness on one side and see if they outweigh the hurt
or if the scales tip in favor of the ways you've failed and it still hurts
and trudge the horrible roads to the edges of the maps and see if you outrun the hurt
and see if any hand held or risk taken or affection given dispels the way you hurt

all the slivered glass pieces of my heart just cut me to blood as I try to pick them up
and all that my view of what could have been does, is lend tears as I watch those doors shut
and all another line will explain
is how it will never be the last line if I'm trying to write out the pains

I can never explain the hurt