I feel the need cry
But I can't tell why
Besides the fact of wanting to die
(Except that that makes me feel alright.)
I swear up and down I'm fine
No one sees I'm on the line
Dwindling on something hard to define
Darker than the night.
I'm so sorry
You deserve so much better than me
I'm no longer all that I can be
And nothing near what you need.
Hey maybe I love you
But what is love to do
When there's no feeling to prove it's true
And I'm gone past crazy.
So maybe I'm going to hell
Who am I to tell?
Can there be much worse than this spell?
Depression never leaves anymore.
****, I can't do this
Death is my underlying wish
And I'm nothing to miss
So why drag it out even more?
"No," I apologize,
"That's not wise"
Oh, don't you just love those lies?
Kiss my lips to seal the deal.
Oh no, no worries here
Don't fear
My dear,
I'll see you again.
(But you may luck out
And not have to return the favor then...)

I'm not crazy
I'm just something you've never experienced before
Ask me what I want to be when I'm older
I will tell you everything and nothing, because I'm conflicted like that
I want  the entire universe in the palm of my hands
Keep a planet in my pocket
I want the grains on sand to spell my name
The wind to send me whispers
I want all the pretty flowers and all the shiny trinkets
And I want none of these things all the same
I'm not crazy
Just something you've never seen before

I woke up in the dark
Early in the morning.
I felt the hum along my skin that meant
You were next to me.
It was quiet
And in your sleep you were breathing hard.
I could feel the tension in you.
I'd never seen anyone so out of breath in a dream.
You sounded scared. You felt scared,
Next to me.
I opened my eyes, careful, and your half-shadowed brow was creased with...
Worry?
Fear?
Pain?
I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was nothing, but...
I felt for you, in that second.
You looked so young. You looked so hunted.
I almost shut my eyes again, unwilling to invade upon it-
Sleep is such a vulnerable thing, such a private thing.
I almost woke you with a kiss
And forced you to know I was there.
What if you were suffering?
What if you were terrified?
I almost woke you, right then,
And disrupted that strange, innocent rest-that-wasn't-restful.
I almost woke you because I couldn't take it anymore.
The way you were gasping air like you were dying.
I reached for you, indecisive,
Fingers hovering above your shoulder as if you were a flame I was getting too close to.
But instead
I steadied myself, pulled back.
And I took your hand, real soft,
And I just held it,
Making little circles with my thumb on your palm.
And I breathed with you,
And then slower, calmer, deeper,
In my head saying, "Shh, it's okay."
And I sent my love through my fingertips
To yours.
And I stayed like that, just breathing,
Trying to reassure you without you ever knowing it.
And as I did your breath slowed
And the strain left your body bit by bit,
And my heart broke a little
That perhaps I caused that.
That maybe in your head you'd been in pain
And maybe I had helped you breathe a little easier.
And I lay back down, carefully, gently,
And closed my eyes again
And let the warmth of your hand in mine
Comfort me
And the thought that maybe I had comforted you
Sustain me.

I am electric.
All the time I feel it
Sparking just under my skin.
Sometimes it settles like static,
And sometimes it rages like lightning.
But I am always too small for it.
It doesn't live in me
It consumes me
It becomes me.
I feel, therefore I am,
And it is great and terrible.
God was a child,
With a fork in an electrical socket
And I became.
Sometimes someone will try to know it all
Try to be the one who holds all of it
And wonders about nothing.
I have learned that people who try to define me
Burn.
I have learned that being near me
Pulls emotion from them
Magnetically
And that in my purest form
I am neither good nor bad
But I am most certainly
Dangerous.
Electricity doesn't discriminate
It flows.
It's easy to be too much
When there's no end to you.
Slowly, I learned to step back,
To pull away.
There is not a little shame in knowing you can fry someone
By accident.
But no matter what,
I will make your hair stand up.
I don't mangle people,
But I at least leave them with a distinct feeling of strangeness,
Like having the tree right across the yard from you get struck by lightning
And feeling the hum.
It is a fascinating, unsettling, addictive feeling,
And I've seen people lust for it
And I've seen them flee from it
Headlong.
I've held back my fingertips
Unwilling to make them stay by shock treatment.
I have met people who were
Walking dead
And I have shoved them backward
With both hands
And heard a heartbeat restart.
I have met people who reached for me
Like a child for the hot element on a stovetop
And found exactly the same surprise and pain.
I have known people who
Stand close enough to singe their hair
And hold their palms up to thaw something inside them
That has gone cold as ice.
And I have known people whose fingertips
Drew all the lightning to them
And left glorious, hot scars on my skin
Handprints that never cool.
I have short circuited
Looking into eyes that pulled every molecule of me
Charged
Into my beating heart and made me a dying star
Folding in on myself.
I come with a warning label
Because I shout hazard signs
To anyone who will listen.
I try to be gentle
But being high voltage is as much a high
As it is a burden.
I can **** or resurrect, depending only on the direction of the wind that day.
I can light you up
Or I can ******* you
And I don't ever know which it will be.
I am so alive that I can't hold it in,
And I am so chaotic that it's like a disease.
I am electric.

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry we can't play.
My Barbie's were thrown out years ago,
there's not a teddy bear in sight.
Now who do I hold close at night?

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry I have to push you away.
My face screams nineteen,
my rib cage whimpers
child.
You must be getting lonely.
At least we have that in common.

Hello little girl,
who wants to paint all day,
play hopscotch and swing high as a bird,
no,
high as the moon,
on the swing set.
I'm sorry my feet are firmly on the ground.
These decisions are too hard to make
and you must be frightened.
Shall we paint a rainbow or paint a storm?

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me,
I'm sorry this is goodbye.
The photos and videos
will help me remember,
but I must start to walk
without anybody holding my hand.
You'll be okay.
You'll be alright.

Hello little girl,
hidden inside me.
It's time to grow up.

Hide me away
Lock me up and throw out the key
I’m hardly considered free
Bound by the shackles and chains
Pulling on the reins
I wanna be like the birds and the planes.

Flying.

Flying high up out of this place
Into space
I’m not going to chase you anymore.
Your feet are carrying you
Far away
And you say you hate running
But that’s all you ever seem to do.

They say people run to see who will follow
But have they ever stopped to think about the ones left behind
What it does to their mind
I’m stuck here thinking.

Wondering why you push me away
What am I supposed to say?
I’ve poured out my heart
Practically wore it on my sleeve
You made me believe
But all you ever did was leave

I guess all those sprints paid off
Cause you left so fast
That no matter how hard I run
Or how long I chase
I will never get you to face your fear
Of falling in love

You’ve hidden your heart so deep
Deeper than the darkest chasm
That skims the entrance of hell
You’ve got everyone under your spell.
But T-R-U-S-T
Is the word that you will never let be
Because it’s hard to trust someone you’re always running away from
Like a lifelong game of tag
But when do I get to stop chasing?

My legs are tired
But my heart’s even more
I’m losing a love that’s shaken me to the core
It’s 11:11 and if I had one wish
I’d take it back to the way that it was before

You taught me the truth & how to be like someone else
other than myself. its strange how i cant find the words
in my head to describe the feelings i felt

I've known you my whole life so why can't i do so ?
Everyday i grow from obstacles I've faced learning
things at first i couldn't relate now i know faith is how
i live victoriously.

The words that I've been looking for
Were found among my tears
But I've quickly wiped them all away
And hidden them for years

will my demons hide from you? just look at who
i have become i'm so ashamed you were the one
that made me feel the way i do

You've sealed my lips with a thousand kisses
Kisses I didn't deserve, Wishes that never came true
Voices that weren't heard because you failed to listen

Truth is you were twisted..
I wanted to tell you a million times
But every time i looked into your eyes
I couldn't find the nerve

I know now that looks can be
deceiving and misleading

Divine
Soul like mine
Heavenly sign
Someday you will see

Rewind
Seek and find
Remembered line
Solves the mystery

Adverse
Could be worse
Let us rehearse
Unknown destiny

Behind
Evenmind
Lies bound and tied
What good there could be

Process
What a mess
Lover's redress
What small price to pay

Priceless
Worth much less
Should I digress
From standard of way

Logic
Does the trick
Come take your pick
Of moribund day

Pretense
Little sense
Words so immense
What more can I say?