I am a fool.
An idiot.
A worthless *******
At times.
I pretend to be
Deep
But I'm not.
My life is easy
I have very few worries.
And I hurt others
Easily.
Careless words
...
This *****.

filled with self...    
                          Expanding beyond

overflowing self...
                                        Manifestation

losing self...
                                              **I am all I see

I will never tell my kids about you
They will never know about that time we created a poem
They will never find out about
You caring about me for so long
I guess they wont ever hear about
The way you made me Feel
How we talked for hours every day
for years
No, they won't get to know that even
with your mistakes, I loved you to death
But that will never come to appear in books
or in Hymns
Cause It ended.. You never seemed to think
It was a Big deal
The love that only I feel
This connection that felt so real
That I thought was stronger than steel
But I was wrong
and They would never know..

~


A vision in the distance
as if my mind deceives
This watercolor fancy
of loveliness perceived


I dare not move a muscle
or fight against my will
A breath might break the silence
as if all time stood still


A crisp cool wind a’ blowing,
my heart does skip a beat
For but this man of simple means,
an angel comes to meet


I do not wish to startle,
nor cause an ounce of fear
If this is but a truthful sight,
I pray let her come near


The sun it is not moving,
no shadows formed to play
As this angelic vision,
walks to me this day


With open armed affection,
she takes me by the hand
And leads me to my fantasy,
then whispers of her plan


This day shall last forever,
no setting sun to fill
As if such joy was meant to be
and time it does stand still

Come one, come all,
To see this girl fall.
Every unkind word,
That you thought she never heard.
Has all earned a spot on,
Her body canvas.
And painted in her mind.
She already had her demons,
That screamed out above all.

Watch closely ladies and gents,
As you see the inner struggle
Written on her face.

And still you say nothing,
Ignore it. It will go away..

L o o k closely,
She's not winning,
You can see that her world is
Spinning.

Looking up from where she's sitting,
It's a whole new person,
She has lost this final battle,
No one seems to care.

She grabs that rope and ties it up,
Real high.
Makes that necklace fit just right,
Clears her throat one last time,
Says softly into the wind,
Game over, I have lost control,
Of my mind.

I heard a cry in the night,
A thousand miles it came,
Sharp as a flash of light,
My name, my name!

It was your voice I heard,
You waked and loved me so—
I send you back this word,
I know, I know!

This negativity in my life has caused me to believe I'm alone and can trust no one.
It has lead me to think I am a selfish teenager who is never good enough.
I don't understand these double standards that make me afraid to make mistakes.
These insecurities that make me feel like my opinions don't matter.
The truth is I find it unfair that I get labeled as ungrateful in my own home,
when every night I thank God for the things he has blessed my family and I with.
The facts are I 'm confused and full of anger.
I need this negativity to stop blaming me for things I didn't ask for and couldn't help.
I need it to give me some freedom to find my own way, and make a difference.
If only she wouldn't judge me I would be open to telling her all the things I keep bottled up inside.
I look in the mirror and see an empty, foolish girl who contains as much joy as a punching bag.
But how much more can she take before her grades start slipping and failure creeps in,
and the voice ringing in her ears before she drops comes from the women she calls
mom.