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 Feb 2014 Nicole
pluie d'été
never trust a writer
because their words
flung into the air
in a whisper
a scream
or dropped
scrawled
in silence
on the emptiness
of a forgotten stillhouette
has the power
to lead you astray

never trust a writer
because they find beauty
in everything
especially sadness
amd the grey
grey sky
that falls at your feet
along the shadow
of your heart
the one you beg
for them to break
to make you
whole

never trust a writer
because they don't always
trust the words
that tumble from their own
perfect lips
they say them for
their beauty
in the sound
in the silence
they say them
for the way they rhyme
with 'forever'

never trust a writer
because he can capture
your soul
with just a look
holding you
the entire universe
and all eternity

never trust a writer
because they may talk
awake
but they dream with their eyes
open
and closed
simultaneously
and you can never
be sure
which character they have chosen
for you
which character
they have chosen to be
to you

never trust a writer
because their emotions
not always visible
always
consume them
like a strike of lightening
cold
burning
inside

never trust a writer
because they always
know
what you want to hear
and what they really
want to say

never trust a writer
because their knowledge of love
is as infinite
as the emptiness
in the black sky
stars
moments of clarity
that create an atlas
of who
they fall for

never trust a writer
because normal in life
is never normal
in their dreams
and they always
last longer

never trust a writer
because 'I'll love you for now'
sounds better
when they say it
as 'I'll love you
forever'

never trust a writer
because I swear
they do not believe
in the emptiness
of promises
and they will let you
break their souls
just to see
what happens after
 Feb 2014 Nicole
hospitalflowers
He came to me one night
when I was cold and alone,
I was halfway through with it,
an inch from the bone.
He whispered so gently
as he laid me down on the bed,
"what aspect of life
put these thoughts in your head?"

"I don't breathe like I used to,"
I told him, as his image blurred,
"I ask for their help
but they don't say a word."
His vice like fingers
clamped onto my wrist,
"Not on this night, child.
You don't die like this."

Before I could figure out
what I thought he meant,
he opened his mouth,
"my dear, be patient.
For life is a hurdle
in the relay of death,
your time on this earth
is not over yet.

"When you reach the finish
then I'll come for you,
but until that moment,
here's what you'll do;
each problem that throws
itself in your sight,
promise me you won't
give up with no fight.

"The days when you
think you're over and done,
just look in the mirror,
you've already won.
Because you made it this far
through so many years,
you've conquered your demons
and outweighed your fears.

"The pills in the bottle
can wait a while longer,
because with each passing day
you've gotten much stronger.
I don't offer my help
to little girls who suffer,
I'll be breaking the hearts
of the ones that love her.

"Do you see now, child,
what I'm saying to you?
Your time is not up,
your life will ensue."
I bit down on my lip,
and nodded my head,
and just like that,
he disappeared from my bed.

That was the time,
that Death saved my life,
so if you ever want to end it,
just remember his advice.
Don't think of the pain,
and how it'll end soon,
because Death talks a lot,
when he enters your room.


a.d.
 Dec 2013 Nicole
Ernest Hemingway
All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu.
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of naught
Save where you are, how happy you make those.
    So true a fool is love that in your will,
    Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.
 Nov 2013 Nicole
Erin-Taylor
I stared at the bruises, the scars, and the aches
And wondered just how many times her heart must break.

She was torn and broken,
But a word had yet to be spoken.

Alone and never okay,
By herself from the beginning with nothing to say.

I stared at my reflection and wondered why,
No one ever helped me and left me to die.
 Nov 2013 Nicole
Hallee
you left.
 Nov 2013 Nicole
Hallee
you left.
and apparently that left me with more problems than I'd like to admit.
you left.
and my walls are so high that sometimes I don't even know what is happening in my own mind.
you left.
and now I'm terrified. I'm scared. but mostly, I'm sccared.
you left.
and I can't let anyone in. I can't believe anyone would even waste their time having a conversation with me.
you left.
and now everything anyone tells me is a lie.
you left.
and I don't think I will ever be able to fully trust another male again.
you left.
and I wish you didn't take my trust with you. because there are some people that deserve my trust so much more than you do.
you left.
and now I believe everyone else will, too.
 Oct 2013 Nicole
Asphyxiophilia
I have imagined this moment over and over again and now it's finally happening and I can't quite tell which direction is up or down or backwards but I guess they're all directions so it really doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere. I've been watching my shoelaces as I've been walking and they seem to tighten with every step as though even they know you'll have me floating right out of them. My palms have already begun to sweat and the puddles they've created in my pockets are just deep enough to drown in. I look up for a second to see the air in front of me holding a string. A grin spreads across its face as it suddenly begins to pull and my breath is stolen from my lungs. I reach out to grab it but it has already disappeared and suddenly I realize I can't breathe without you here. I close my eyes and stumble, not wanting to go any further, not wanting to face the reality of a situation that doesn't involve sleeping beside you. But then I realize, that was something we never did. I have been falling asleep beside myself for years, I have been waking up with regret and a heart broken into more pieces then the number of tiles on the bathroom floor. I have been sleeping with my head on my own chest and praying that someday you'd fill the empty space between not being able to fall asleep and never wanting to be awake.
 Oct 2013 Nicole
deandra ardya
Tell me, have you ever been in love before?
When the kind of love you feel is something magical
That it can bring a beautiful mess in your mind

Tell me, have you ever found yourself smiling uncontrollably?
When all you are doing is just re-reading your old texts with him
And nothing can wipe your smile off your face

Tell me, how many times have you said his name in one day?
You can’t even count because you do it in, like, every second
And it makes your friends get bored of hearing it

Tell me, have you ever gone through a day missing him so bad?
And all you do in your sleep is dream about him
That you want to pick him from your dream and hug him for real

Tell me, how your heart beats so loud like an earthquake when he talks to you
And you should reply his words instead of staring at his face
And you go talk about something silly and it makes you wonder if he ever hears your loud heartbeat

Tell me, have you ever imagined all the good things you can do with him?
And he’s all what you think and daydream about all day
And then you realize that things never happen like you imagine them

Tell me, how can you forget him who has given you so much to remember?
Tell me, how can you let him go when he has already inspired you to write this poem?
 Oct 2013 Nicole
Gabriel Dorian
Five months ago we met,
On a Sunday morning.
That day my heart was set
I loved you since that moment

Before I left that very place
I wrote a special letter
A secret admirer was my case
But when you knew my identity, that I was your lover, you didn't go away

January thirty-first I sent you a poem for your birthday
The first poem I ever sent you
It took me more than a hundred miles to give it to you
But it was worth it, I made you smile
And that every detail did fit

February fourteenth of the present year
I greeted you with a great smile
And no fear,
I sent you my second poem
You thanked me for it
And that was enough to make me smile

But there came a day
You told me that it is about time to end it
That we have to pave away
And it is about to that for good

I was left out
With a melancholic feeling
Having a great doubt
About moving on easily

There were times
When I suddenly become nostalgic
Thinking of the glorious past
Remembering the memories that would last

People say I should start moving on
It is so hard
That I can't seem to figure how to
But if I won't move on
Would I be like this for the rest of my life

The sad story that was set aside
The encrypted past that no one could decode
The love that would never collide
And the heart that could not be revived

Life does go on
And I should cope with it
But until I have accepted
The fact of moving on
I'll be in this sad story of my time
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