I have to go,
I just need to think about things,
Alone,
With much silence and sadness,
My first thoughts...
Maybe I just got abandoned,
I could just be selfish maybe,
I just need to be with my home,
It seems like it doesn't want to see me,
No matter how welcoming and warm it seems,
Is it really going to do this to me?
I wish for just one thing,
A perfect home,
Which might be why we fumbled yesterday,
I'm looking for what i already have,
But isn't with me at the moment.
I just want to be home.

I had a box of letters that I kept hidden in the crawl space in the attic. They were all to you. I would read through old stories and moments that we shared and the fire in my chest would burn even higher than before. I wrote to you, and told you how you seemed like the air and that I wanted to breathe you in. How you were the sun, and I wanted to spend my whole life in the summer. How you were the rain, and how I fell for you to be like the rain too. One day I got angry, angry because it had stopped raining, yet the sun didnt show through. And I tried to take in lungfulls of air but I choked on nothing. I took our box of letters and secrets, our box of late night tear stains and drunken conversations and lit a match. I burnt them all. So I could just forget about everything and the fire would die out inside of me. But I found that box today with only one letter inside. "J-," it read, "it has always been you. -S" you'll never see it. But it has.. It has always been you.

As I lay pacing through the walls of insanity balanced between reality

My mind unwinds bringing down sequences intertwined

Twisted secrets of poisenous emotions while i glide along euphoric passions

Drastic oceans embedded between those luscious lashes, grasping my last breath with shades of ashes

Unraveling  silk layers  of her anatomy, the dark shades
within history abandoned upon a sweet mystery.

I see you
and the moments pass so quickly
I take hold as you slip away
Time is tricky
Forever in a day
A day can last forever
All that's left is to remember
I begin to play with the clock's levers
Out of control
Too bold
Too desperate
I just want you now
Now that it's passed
Why can't I grasp impermanence?
Denying the ticks of illusions
Explosive tears can't drain this longing
This sense of belonging
Take some more of my breath
Plus the hours I've spent pondering transitory periods
It's my curse and the curse of most women
Holding onto fairytales
From childhood dreams
Of princesses and thieves
My hearts been stolen from my sleeve
and hung out to bleed
Watch as the blood hits my paper
and savor your conquer
As I wonder aimlessly  
Aging painfully

And i needed to voice my thoughts
but if i did, you would worry
so my thoughts shall remain thoughts
and my voice will stay voiceless

Ambivalence is my friend,
Once a foe,
but I've sought and sorted through the feelings that swirl and whirl with every cranial nerve in my brain.
Causing the confusion and seclusion of our correlation.
Ending in my insanity.
Ending us.
The true cause to my destruction was the departure of my friend Ambivalence.