When you get older..
Your start to keep your hair closer to your skull
If you're me.
You start keeping your words closer to
in fear of
You start keeping your self
closed a little bit
in fear of fear itself.
When you feel old.
You start to keep your
Some things make you want to die.
Some things make you want to never go outside.
Tell tall tales of old times
Selling signs of the good life.
Creep inside the old mind
trap yourself in a contest of road signs.
Be the last one to find the real reason
that we all decide to be quiet.
Love the people berating your job.
Love the sick and tired that can't be happy anymore.
Love the people who never loved anything in their life.
Love the animals who don't know any better.
Love the lost & found.
Love the tired & cold.
Love the ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend or ex-wife or husband.
Love yourself, for once.
Today I sat forever in a coma,
locked away behind my thoughts.
I thought i'd lend my obvious arm strength,
I thought i'd lend my bleeding heart.
You were allowed to run around -
'my mother never spoke of luck.'
He tied his soul to old apartments.
This poem is ruined because i'm drunk.
in the dark.
There is a note,
stuck to the door.
It is cut into the shape of a flower
& reads more like a thorn.
"I don't want to be stuck."
You only ever told me it once,
when it could have been a hundred times.
Today the ghosts in our lives aren't some old
They are the lovers &
that we meet.
They are the people that once said
that made sense
you never got to
Timing takes away from us
the gold medals of our youth.
From plastic souvenirs that break
timeless records without use.
No overstylistic amalgam-
-just black or white to choose.
A safety blanket or mid-life crisis-
what's left of us to lose?
With imagined money
what good is "good"
for bargained luck?
- I spoke of dreams I could not see,
could not feel, nor breathe, nor touch.
- I used to feel what I may be,
now I wait around and rust.
I was once in a dream but don’t feel so
I used to take pills and
would feel like a bore.
I used to have nights where i’d stay up
I used to sing songs
I used to believe in Ghosts,
but now I just
I used to stay indoors,
now I can’t wait to
Staying up on nights that dont matter.
Listening to music that holds a key to forgotten locks
She breathes like an old flame.
Sings like the greatest of godesses.
I knew her then..
She had some temple to watch over,
be it in herself
or her lovers after me.
The road pulled her feet
not the other way around.
My one wish was that you’d someday
While I keep my soul somewhat untethered
and blowing in the wind..
I keep it on a first name basis
with you only.
But the reality is
you get to become a movie
a poster encased in bright lights
- An overpaid actor who doesn’t
the dialogue quite right.
You get to become
my favorite movie..
The one I never watch
The one I memorize every
Just to make sure I
fall asleep before I feel
My father is a hypocrite, my mother was a saint.
My brother has his own life now
Myself? I need a drink.
My fathers father died a drunk
his wife buried with a bottle of wine.
My mothers mother died too soon
& now i’m worried about mine.
My aunts & uncles have their share
of wealth & poverty.
The wrong ones live while the good ones die
& I wonder how that can be.
My father became what his money attained
My mother let him go.
18 years of untrue love
with nothing left to show.
A son who couldn't stop lying
just to prove himself.
The other, simply trying
to make the best of Hell.
In haunted places
something lingers of former lives
sounds played but not recorded
but by nature & her guise,
& the stone in the floor.
The seasons that leave & come back;
something short of an anxiety attack-
The immortality of it all contained in
energy & vibe.
Postmortem spies. (Ghosts.)
I don’t want to believe that I’ve wasted all your time.
Every set of lips that ever met mine
Every conversation past 3 am.
Contradicting vibes that color inside the lines.
I don’t want to know if you never really missed me,
Just wanna get through tonight without feeling tipsy.
Define a problem by the way that it lingers;
My problem is the way that my brain remembers.
How to go forward with so little truth?
Be it left lane
Take me with you.
at that moment
there was a reason the fan was spinning
left to right
another instance of
no one in sight
front of you
my peaceful night.
Every contender begins a beginner.
With wisps of gold passing through my essence
the dancers dance with no proper introduction; (unnecessary!)
For we see who they are
as they dance
in the shadows; with wolves
or in the light; rehearsed and uninspired.
Say what you will,
the wolves always sang more in key
and with more soul
Within my life, love has always gone away to die.
Whether it be between my Grandparents on my fathers side
the collapse of a middle class family in denial.
My mother, the saint
My father, the preoccupied.
I spent my whole life just watching them try.
I watched my extended family start to run dry
between every visitation & cancer
every divorce without answers.
The simplest thing I could do was sit by
& learn from the mistakes / the taking without giving.
The heartaches for no sake.
But still to come in my life is the difference I hope for.
The truth that I wish upon a ring to embody something more.
It could represent all that i’ve seen to forget.
& bring two stories together -
Neither in shame nor regret.
Covered in frost from a storm too shy; Bits of you meet my eye
Telling truths from the gut, into the blender of the soul.
It’s just me here now and i’ve got nowhere to go.
All these doctors, all these people
never imagining ends by any means
although I prefer it when it rains,
you make the storm last all week.
Only fools allow puppeteers to negotiate their homes
from their beliefs to their thrones - you are the master of your own.
All a poisonous gas created from and by each other.
It’s a wonder we’re still here
blissfully blinded as the mother.
I am only shame without a number,
no parlour to your tricks & greed.
I hold within something that slumbers
and when i'm awake it tortures me.
This feast of heathenestic ideals
no room for sense unless it bleeds.
I am the fear of no tomorrow
and of no sleep until next week.
A place for counting all the numbers
add them up to feed the sheep.
Maybe Jim will go home early
or maybe Jak will sleep alone
Maybe all the things we think we know
You say it’s funny that I couldn’t come through like I said
You said, “Yeah, you’re in luck, you’re just like the rest.”
Playin’ schoolboy loves schoolgirl,
but with a broken heart on the mend.
My stain on your staircase is forgotten at best.
Like that outdated invitation,
to your Halloween party.
Or the streets we used to walk,
and I’d constantly worry-
that you’d find somebody else, between then and now.
I guess I was right, and I guess things work themselves out
But for the most part, I feel like
I helped push you away.
I guess most of the time, I get the feeling
this is how things will stay.
Simple patterns place the tune
into a new earshot of space every afternoon.
Withering and twisting it all looks the same
but it feels different on the inside
it knows its own name. The key and the flats
The vicious cycle of white, black
Some technicolor grey.
You've got to really accept it
that the heart knows what to do
if you don't, the pressure changes
and the your life ends far too soon.
Time will hit you like a brick
being thrown from
& in time, those of us who know our name
will still be somewhat sane.
I couldn't promise the plan
I couldn't promise anything.
But I could feel the way you felt
when you knew I was taking on everything.
Maybe you waited to watch as I tripped on
Stummbling through a violent storm of mind
My own Hell.
I’d send out an s.o.s.
with no reply.
I’d endeavor the moons of my mind
between lunch and dinner-time.
I’d sail between forests of orange and green
just to hike back and see if I’d still believe.
Oh, hollow tunnels through the mountain of my heart.
bring me back to the winds that tore us apart.
Show me selfish sin and i’ll give you the rain
for lack of better man, i’d give you my name.
Wake and toss
the bed slides on the floor
instead of drifting off.
There are no sides
no conflicts, really
just a drowning in tides
so to speak.
The small lights from my computer
the hum of the fan
I said i'd do yesterday.
Tomorrow, i'll say.
milk in glass
watching clocks that don’t move fast
Microwave myself away
past the unsettling thoughts
into the very daunting forefront.
May I never sing like an angel again
For you, and no one else that cares
for more than a drink and a meaningful stare.
I'd lost my way with words for a bit
to ever think i'd live with it
the fleeing summer
& love's final dream
It tears my soul
it rips and screams.
I don't know much of
what I think
but I know
it helps to drink.
Can't count on diamonds to show
Can't count on the ancient ways,
& you can't count
to be raining when
you really need it.
You can't count on everyone to
You can't count on Christmas forever.
You can't count the hundreds
I imagine you
I count too much
I'm covered in rust.
all apart from
fading to dust-
the next big thing.
This must be falling in lust.
Such the night,
The clouds and a 'lone tower;
a moon and spring flower.
to begin with,
it was too beautiful
come crashing down upon
& the days that would
and carry mud
to all the walls,
they'd remind us.
they'd remind us.
What is it so that
Does no sleep invoke
such haste things?
& how is it
your eyes can wake me?
somethin’ about them take me.
Something beautifully intelligent
in your eyes.
the whites and the colors
it begins with the spots
and we sort it all out
combing crumbs from our hair
and as we slide into our own
we start to feel the pinch of our stares
Never-weather will always be
and evidently you're still
Something close inside of me
begs the question of eternity
but something closer still to see
shines too bright for such a speech.
No one wants your God and bread
No one needs your hand in hand.
The sorted and clean will find a way out;
a scapegoat and a martyr,
an election that doesn't count.
A breathless wonder standing taller than time
and in a few short seconds
a rev of the engine
Such a sight is simply lost
with no way to rewind.
It begins with the spots
and we sort it all out.
We fix things, we say
but we really tear them all down.
half the time i'm too tired
half the time i'm not in the
A lot of the times
I never get where I want,
enjoy as many things
But most of the time,
you're on my mind
& I can tell that it's something
because none of the things
that I thought were so great
ever stood a chance against
You have to witness any
event in awe
for it to really
There has to be something there
other than an excuse
and a reason to count your sins.
The belief in more of infinity
of an end.
At some point
you stop trying to conquer the walls;
destroying the buildings that we're in.
At some point, you just know what’s what.
There are different eyes to watch the world
but none of them know for sure
what they are watching.
that the old red thread connected
by the soul
of two lovers to be
cannot be broken, only
never severed; as it would seem.
If only it would allow us to see
just where that red thread leads
where has my heart gone to be
Will it ever come back to me?
Nights filled with smoke
tidying up; leftover notes
on the bedroom floor
than a half-minded thought,
i'd forgotten you..
the ways you haunt.
You flaunt it; your love
The boundries we've become.
Our words will always echo
leave our tongue.
When the time for talk is past
statues of gold will realign their
their common focal point-
The place where
eye met eye
and I met you.
Sure, that place is long gone,
swallowed by the sea.
Sure, it's defeat,
yeah it's a symptom of the war
whether 'lone or groups between a storm.
All depressing tidings have washed away,
all seasonal blessings fade.
All apart came the threads of mind
All in line.
You'll find me somewhere lost in mine.
People say that
& i’m kind.
The kind of spirit they enjoy
I hear all the talks
friend vs friend
hear what each is saying
even after the badmouthing
the telephone calls still come in
clear as day
that i’m fun
& i’m the kind of person
you can count on
when the sink stops working
or the cable goes
but you don’t hear my phone
transpires the spine
leaving vertebrae singing in perfect
of intersecting joy
It's a mess
but to confess; I will
hold it to you & say
"You didn't really wanna stay anyways."
so love of mine, go trip down those memory lanes.
I'll be lookin' as they wane;
Disappear and erase.
The streets sweat themselves clean
again & again
there is no
for a heart.
The forgotten - to be.
like an airliner
Something grand will be crashing
and dwindlng in size
with different sets
Have I been compelled to tell you nothing?
Is such a word spoken that I leave here without..
Knowing whether or not you still care for I,
for I am alone in this thought,
Where are all my dreams and
the things you said I had?
-Where is my soul & where is my love?
Am I so void,
un-blessed robotic voice.
Am I so obsolete?
Am I in this alone?
Many strategically timed divisions of
bird and sky
and tourist trap
If there are any leftover emotions
i'd be the first to let myself show it.
What I tried to say didn't ever make up the difference.
Pretended to live for myself-
how can you plan
on something to happen
if your hand is shaking all the time?
Tell me how many
For a bit of constant change -
- it's funny,
can come in bits.
My coursework printed self.
of things I don't really understand
but would like
I never understood you.
things escape me so.
You have your tangeant soul
and i've nowhere to go.
You and beautiful
(hand in hand)
the same thing to me.
This places a curse in my eyes
for every other dear in my headlight.
So i've found confidence in nothin'
to display myself for
all ears / all minds
yeah, i really
but neither does anyone i've come across.
Some thoughts swing like they're
a hinge on
the door of your mind
back and forth
back and forth;
Eventually the pressure
and we go
our separate ways.
You start to
meet people at 4 way
I met this girl
she was coming from
turning my way;
but I was
which way your
for a reason.
This digital screen, these provisioned dreams for our collective conscious
What a glorified team, this planet
All painted and standing in blood coated sand
Met with unforgetting eyes
they birth wolves that howl in the day
only to speak their own name
as the world
and no one else
my hidden pride
I know you're there
beyond my self concerning sorry soul
and beyond my self control
as I was born
in front of this digital screen
as some dream of
and unto thyself
it's time to cut that out
My thoughts could be beautiful if not so skewed
untangible things in very lucrative views
quite happy you
& the cycle continues as we make ourselves lose
The day could never do the job of the night
it would ***** all the time
about never getting things right
always lookin' in the dark
never findin' the right keys
to a door that's unlocked
but still won't open for me
If only the cat had a more noble speech
maybe then he,
could talk sense to me
for once in my ******* life
i'd listen to the cat speak
and take what he means
about the good and the bad
the wise and the lost
and understand that he sees
what he wants to see
because he's a ******* cat
that's fine with me.
If I ever knew what to say
I'd of said it long ago
Just hopin' that
you'll let your beauty really show
or didn't I know you?
Please say it's not so.
didn't I know you?
It goes to show
aren't always spent alone
and your favorite mondays
always ended in snow
when the bus took you home
when your father let you go
anywhere you wanted
but what do I
Simple little thoughts never slept
just crept and crept
along the gate
- of my bad dream,
of this bedsheet
and I wept
like a sniveling child
with only a few thoughts to carry
on my back
through the dirt;
none of me
two of you
i'm content with wishin'
on an empty old well
as long as my feet work
and my hands can stay still.
All of the petty
trying dreams that I had
they had left my hangin' by the spot I stood
and the heart that I had
I remember driving away
really long time
and staying up
really shallow thought
Someday i'll find you
out there in the sand
jumpin' all around
in a space that sews the tides
and forgives the 'lone & tired
in a space that speaks of love
and little things that go your way.
How spacious this room
I only realized just now
how empty this hallway
with a sudden low sound
how forgotten this couch
how unplugged this thing
& how i wish it were the same
as a couple years ago, this spring.
Tough guys act themselves as such
Just a rough spot - Insecure with blush
just a cover up
Skinny guys like me
can't even begin to think how such a thing would be
Skinny guys like me
wear the heart on the outside sleeve
all pricked with holes and slightly bleeding.
Maybe that makes me tougher than I thought
and my silence is to show that I haven't forgotten
who I am.
Some space in which I once resided - Some memory that overrides the rest
A lack of faith in myself at best - Some story that I couldn't finish
Allowed to prosper - Allowed to wake
& within my soul, something quivers & shakes.
Some friends I no longer have
Some diamond in the wind
left me hangin' by a feather
wishin' all of this had been.
wishin' all of this had been.
Alone and lost inside my head
wishin' all of this had been
She passes by like wind I can't see
& i'm falling in love with every thought to be
like a cold winter snow in the middle of the room
or a step too far that had you landing on the moon.
Engrossed in context; May it never be sorted out
The lies and the truth will always accompany doubt
No wandering time bomb leaves gold in its wake
only silver or bronze to keep us running late for first place.
I pass her by like I don't feel a thing
& i'm falling in love with every dream that she sings
like a warm summers night on the outskirts of town
or a car that broke down without making a sound.
I never had too much of anything
always a giver
gave my heart away
I never thought too ******* the future
always the past
that comes back
Every place that I go
is connected to no golden
no special meaning
just some cold wet
& the kids coming home
for a week
Nineteen and alone
Surely it shows
Nineteen on the road
-Wherever it goes
Nineteen and alone
the world was just that
I knew too much
my own good
Space between a thought
the electrical signals that
Do you ever stop one mid-cycle,
"I will not."
It's a thing you would do.
I can't even imagine
to be a part of
There are some
rejoice in the respect
of each others
sip their drinks
There are some
die in the grace
of one another;
on a wednesday evening,
jeweled up skin.
Just a bottle of gin
& the need
& there are
choose to stay
a long ways
want to try
for a bit,
I'd like to find a purpose in the pull of the night
I know it's there, I know I love it.
can't wrap my mind around it
I hate to see things go by me
as I count puddles in the street
for seconds that seem so brief
then the rest of my day goes by
Yeah, it's so sudden
any change that we love
any embracement of the drug; we so casually ignore
any side affected fun that didn't last for days to come.
So we sit still, and cry out "numb"
while pain preaches to my broken thumbs.