I squander love
I fixate on the **** that I hate
And turned a blind eye to what I love

I remember every breathe inbetween each kiss I've shared with all of my lovers.
But only the sacred sense of scent can bring me back to the moments I drive out of my dense skull.

I lay upon a godly harness
That was constructed by my most hidden vices. It's the only place I can get some ******* rest.

In every moment of lonely darkness, the dogs that I've let loose bark and cower in my ear.  And I reflect, "if I don't shut this god forsaken machine off, it will run into collapse," so I pull the plug.

I stare into a mirror, and it shatters, the cracks spell guilt, and my eyes shout shame. I hear the way you yelled my name, and that day I watched the moon reveal to us the truth.

But, I throw it away, I throw it all away. My blood stained tears drop and land on every spot that you've touched. The world will remind me of my shortcomings and everytime formless love begged me to ******* stay.

And I know I would, if I thought that I truly believed I deserved it.

The nature of sentience. The desire for penance. Why does one behave?
From our first breath, were taught to reject, the things we always crave.

Day one: life pours into your senses and fills your consciousness like a cup, the clocks have finished being wound. Release. The game starts then. Beauty still runs rampant.

Dark becomes light, life become sight, you learn from all around. The water is warm, then a terrible storm, pulls you down to drown.

Day two: I learned what to love and who to trust very quick. It was taught to me. Like a formula on a blackboard. How to feel, what to want, what is okay to cherish. It never felt genuine.


In my home, I was always alone, love was a cracking whip.
A bottle full of pills, crushed up on windowsills, turned to a nasal drip.

Day three: I haven't seen my father, last I did, he told me what a disappointing life I'm living. Memories smell like fireball when he's in them. I still can't feel. Guilt extinguished my true passion long ago. Oneness replaced by numbness.

A spoon bottom turned black, burned by sizzling crack, fear took my life from me. I am amongst the dead, bound to my bed, i see no joy to be.

Day 4: I felt jealousy today, it festered in my chest. I longed for the warm and selfish friendships that are so abundant around me; I found something like it in the illicit. I learned to love the way 2 AM smells, and feels, like cleaning products.

Life will let you down, but wear that throned crown, because you are king of the known. What was, is no longer, death will make you stronger, but don't you die all alone.

It's harder that way. Stay to play, then let yourself drown

Liquid thoughts flow blue and black
The stars shutter at a sight unseen
Infinite jest has run dry again
My teeth crackle down in every memorable dream.

I'm clenching and speechless
Blood trickles out
I'm lost with out reason
I'm left with out doubt

That I'll parish alone
Or rot in a tomb
Rising never again
Like a shadowless moon

My brothers are angry
My sisters are poor
My parents are absent
Birth happens no more.

My senses are dull
The factory's hell
I'm building a casket
Covered in braille.

It reads "here lies the hopeless
The emptiest man
The sounds have been drowned
My skin was left pale."

I've always known it to be true, that love was shackled and sentenced to death by monogamy, the wretched gavel-wielder.

The mind attaches "mine" to what you love.

All that comes to know you, fall victim to a double edged curse. One in which strikes them as it strike you, but there's nothing either can do.

I knew it was love when the idea of mine no longer lashed it's furious grips upon your godly vessel.

When you told me you loved me, in that moment, my knowledge of love was reborn. There was no longer love for her, or you, or him. It was just love in all its purity.

For every coffee I've let go cold, or every beer that racing thoughts have turned warm, another clue to the truth was unfolded.
The echo that barley reached my ear, it whispered "you are love"

I was made aware of my entrapped state, by adoring your freedom, and for the first time in my life, the ******* frost from my selfishness was warmed. Not by holding you close, but by watching you roam.

An agitated ego will strip love down to loathing, and like the sunrises you adore, you too will have to travel and see each sight, to be fulfilled and find your niche. Because spreading your presence, like the wings of the most lovely dove, can save even the most broken soul.

And I will finally feel joy, because I met love, and she was beautiful. Just like those overwritten novels promised. To trap you and scrutinize you like an item of interest would destroy the very essence that flicked on the light.

So in my arms, or passing over the tropic of Capricorn, I will rejoice. Because distance cannot destroy real love.

Until then, whether istening to you softly harmonizing to your favorite song, or feeling the energy eject from your pores as you watch the sun paint a mosaic just for you. I will die more and more.

But as we both **** ourselves for each other and a smile looking back at us, and a distraction from the rapture. We are love. And love will never cease.

I rise only to suffer
I fall swiftly to my death
I land on my shattered ankles
And I can finally catch my breath

Because I'm running out of time
I'm roaming through the trenches
I bathe in the ancient ruins
And swing from the weakening branches

I plant the seed of resurrection
Wait the eternal bane
I seek internal affirmation
But swim in my tattered blame

Unhindered wonder sheds it's skin
And slithers out from my throat
I spark my final flame
But it's extinguished with my hope

The moon shouts it's loud psalms
Bringing light like Prometheus
I can't make out the words
But I'm crying out for new pieces

The sky is ****** with mist
The sun can only blind
I can't see the plagued salvation
All is clouded by mind

And it begins.
The re-emergence off my sins.
The wolves tell me to walk their way.
The government tells me to walk it off.
But I stay where I am.

Swallow this, recite that.
I shout my worst nightmares as if they're fact.
I was taught to hate but learned to love.
From a broken soul, a wounded dove.
Pure was his name.

He flew away, like the elusive day.
I work hard, then harder I play.
I was told this was wrong,
To know only misery, like an empty song.
I knew the words before it echoed in my ears.

And don't you dare walk away
I know you want to flea into the clearest day.
But I can't afford this,
After you overtook me with your perfect kiss.
I won't make it a third time.

Like the mirrors and clocks
That have locked me in this box
I show you an image only the empty can stomach.
Though it weighs on me like horded tonnage.
But, the sun will set again.

Nothing will change.
I still play the game.

I lost, I'm lost.