February 11, 2015 9:55am*

Everything is constantly floating within
I'll often find myself in motion
or moving my mouth in meaningless conversation
coming back to reality isn't helped by meditation
when the daze inside is caused by medication.
Swimming in synthetic dopamine
am I twitching from the Focalin
or the anxiety it's causing me?

–newportsmooths h.g.

February 3, 2015 8:53am

It feels as if I've woken up on another planet
and I'm not used to the difference in gravity
pulling on my body with more force than familiar.
It could be the withdrawals weighing me down.
Seemingly swimming or drowning in a cloudy headspace.
Plagued with constant desire to run away.
I often lose recognition of my own face
from spending the past 3 years in a pharmaceutical daze.
Waking up in frustration and pointless rage
exhausts my soul and I'm done with the pills
there's not a capsule to swallow that can make me sane.

-*newportsmooths h.g.

January 26, 2015 6:22pm

there's always chaos within the walls of the needy
burglars of beauty and energy
striving to find themselves in someone else.
it's more sad than poetic,
the way humans appear to be hollow shells.
if you put an ear to their chest
you'd hear the sound of the ocean
that's really just an echo of your blood rushing
in the emptiness of their ribcage.

-*newportsmooths h.g.

February 26, 2015 12:43pm

Last night I felt the moon drop it's light on me.
Swinging upside down, I saw the world from a new perspective.
Tall towers illuminating the highway horizon,
I remembered why I breathe.
Stars and ****** stories on swingsets
pushed warmth into a February evening.
Why have I stayed locked up in my room?
Hopes come high with revolutions of the moon.
The nights are dipped in ink
drawing life inside of me.
Lurking in the Tulsa twilight,
tangled dreams at seventeen.

–*newportsmooths h.g.

January 15, 2015 9:40am

I feel the anger swell within me
nothing to do but feel my hands shake
and trace my eyes across the texture of the carpet
hoping to find more steady breaths
or some sort of comfort in writing
but my head feels like static on a television
while my stomach turns in disgust
every limb of mine stays tense
a restriction in my chest
to keep my lungs from filling
and my heart from beating or bursting
I'm seeing only red blurs
and mind games of the Devil's Carnival
step right up at your own risk
I can't promise no one's getting hurt

-*newportsmooths h.g.

January 26, 2016 9:58am*

She had bones of coil
bending and twisting through lies
drinking to forget each night.
This sure isn't the first time
always *** into a rut.
She's got eyes like the bottle,
empty, but filled with sorrow.
Her head is heavy, chest is hollow
since liquor never helps tomorrow.

-newportsmooths h.g.

February 5, 2015 12:58am

I walked out interrupting a conversation:
a circle of empty chairs on my back porch.
I have no clue as to what they spoke of,
but they seemed slightly offended by my presence.
the wind rustles leaves to sound like animals;
the creaks and whispers hinting at death.
it all has me so grateful to breathe for the experience–
walking in on ghostly talk, yet never finding fear from it.

-*newportsmooths h.g.

February 7, 2015 11:51pm*

it smells like spring of my sophomore year:
things seemingly falling into place
while I was falling in love,
and I'm pushing away the memories.
all those faces bring bitter feelings to mind.
why did the puzzle seem to come together
while the picture slowly made less sense?

–newportsmooths h.g.

February 13, 2015 12:46am

when I shined the light on the sidewalk
the little glimmers in the concrete began to shift and sway
and they all saw it
but they don't exist
presences to keep me from loneliness
I wonder who's holding me right now
is it a ghost, a lover, or my imagination?

–*newportsmooths h.g.

why did i let cigarettes become so insignificant?
a craving for smoke in my lungs
sitting on the steps taking breaths closer to death
life never rings true to me
if i die then i will let the earth take me in

everyday since i first met you
i've felt effortless
my chest expanded to feel love
so whenever i start to miss you
i put tar in my lungs
or sometimes i'll get drunk
no matter what there's always poems
or half-thought-out feelings scratched in journals
i lose myself in toxic clouds
just hoping to wind up closer to you

-newportsmooths h.g. December 21, 2014 5:28am

I really need someone to protect me right now.

I wouldn’t say I’m in danger, but I sure as hell don’t feel safe in this place.

Her stares spoke volumes of character, and dear god I’m scared.

I’d love to run away; it doesn’t matter where.

All that I know has shown I’m not welcome here.

I’d live in a coffin just to escape her.

I’d probably find a better night's rest there.



-newportsmooths h.g. December 7, 2014 5:23pm

January 26, 2016 1:39pm*

I wrap around your memory like ivy
I just can't help but blame it on timing
still aware of your independence
but you're still stuck in my chest like cement
failing to inhale, I start to choke
as hands of nostalgia grip my throat
you fill my lungs with toxic smoke
the mark you left has become scarred
I just can't do love anymore

-newportsmooths h.g.

thirsty for authority, i've never seen
evil like that in the eyes of a mother
taken by some force or demon
power doesn't build us
but that's what it taught her
an addiction to loathing the loving
craving something to create fuel for pain
losing grip on the concept of right
a stranger within the one who raised me
i saw it slip away
and dear ******* god i'm terrified

-newportsmoothe h.g. December 27, 2014 12:15am

I carry you with me in the pages
leather bound pieces of my love
scratched in sleepless nights
I keep you in my journal
you lie between the lines
of every poem I've written
you've sat restless in my mind
my thoughts are scattered
but you're always in focus

-newportsmooths h.g.  December 5, 2014 6:09pm

January 14, 2015 1:08pm

I've been falling behind in feeling alive;
my eyelids feel heavier than my limbs.
The task of breathing requires more effort;
I don't think it's from smoking is what scares me.
Lacking energy to perform subconscious acts
has me wondering if I'm really living.
Sometimes my whole body goes numb
and all I feel is my heartbeat pulsing throughout me,
pulsing as if to emphasize an end growing near.

-*newportsmooths h.g.

Deep brown eyes like a rich cup of coffee.
She was always warm too;
I could tell more by her aura than a touch.
She was always sweet and sparkling,
it showed in her genuine grin.
I'm ever grateful that in my panic
of first learning the people of a foreign place,
her coffee eyes were the first I met.
She guided me into sunshine serenity;
inside I've kept notice ever since.

3am and I want a cigarette and for someone to hold me as I keep in mind that I will survive this, and I will never be the only one awake in the world.
it's all ******* beautiful but things are getting weird.
I spend hours imagining the perspective of how the asphalt suffers;
I would guess it feels something like I do,
or at least how I used to.
the cracks in the road expand with the frozen water.
useless and dangerous,
they are the cracks in my head.
the only one driving is insanity
I watched it crash,
**** the earth's humanity

-newportsmooths h.g. December 7, 2014 2:58 AM

16 November 2018 10:28 PM
I am your warmest winter jacket
In the bitter cold of your heart’s winter
I am what you seek for comfort
Only to be left hanging in the dark of your closet for the sunny days.
I’m sick of feeling used as a pill to ease the pain.
I’m not your binge tequila shots or ******* lines
Call me a human out loud; I think you’ve forgotten what I am.
I folded up easily into your box for half a decade
Now I’m sick of the dust I’ve built up.
I will shake myself clean of what you’ve made me feel.
You will never wear me like I’m yours again.

-newportsmooths h.g.

20 August 2018 4:46 PM
Haunted by the plague of empathy:
Filtration in a house of human emotion.
I am dampened by the tears;
the walls swell with empty apologies.
Paint chips fall with cancelled plans
the mirror cracks upon reflection of wasted time.
Hinges creak with a wilted will:
the taunting of unopened doors.
Tattered floorboards chance comfort
scuff marks of a dance never felt.
Shadowed by the doubts dragged in from my visitors
Will the beauty in my woodwork show through?
Every step towards the attic clouds grow in my chest
And soon it won’t just be the rain, but a storm of all my rage.
I’m sick and tired of the wires and the walls holding me in
This isn’t home, it is my hell, my own head is like a prison.
You’ve picked at everything I’ve built, so don’t dare call me a friend
So please, dear, do me a favor and don’t ever knock again.

-newportsmooths h.g.

October 18, 2018 5:09 PM
I’ve eaten more pills this week than meals
an unintentional version of self destruction.
My windows are open in the tornado of my mind and debris is scattered in my skull.
Lost in the wreckage of my limbs and life I’m losing my will to walk any further.
I’ve become a resident in illness: overly familiar with the territory.
Yet I wander every single day lacking a clue for where to turn next.
Clustered into bones and flesh is my human mess
Not contained to my head the current runs red to my chest and I’m bleeding out of my rib cage.
A cage that could not withhold the pressure of a thousand screams never let go.
Now I’m tattered in the aftermath of a bad year and one can’t fathom materials to fix my wounds.
I lie here on the floor: hoping the dripping faucet of optimism will refill me soon.

-newportsmooths h.g.