They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

Chocolate with strawberries or raspberries
Vanilla from vanilla beans
Lemon cello cake from the cheesecake factory
Great travel
Amazing museums and theatre
wonderful books and literature
The tears that get dried from kisses
He's like this and so much more
I am addicted to him because I love him
He loves me

C@rainbowchaser2021

Laying here in the silence.
Its dark but I am warm.
Lying here in bed.
Respirations and tears falling from my face are the only forms of sound I can hear.
How much can a heart take before goes into cardiac arrest?
I scream inside.
Painfully scream inside.
I feel trapped inside a empty box.
It's dark and lonely.
I'll be alright.
Always am.
Have no choice.
I'm mentally falling to my knees.
So hard that the knee caps I have burst from the fall I'm about to make.
Silent tears because I don't think I'm capable of letting the screams surface to the top.
Broken or bent?
Maybe a little bit of both.
Or maybe a lot of both.
So many thoughts and feelings inside this mind of mine.
Yet I can't seem to bring them to shore.

Three in the morning.
What else is new?
Lying here in bed wide awake.
Mind full of thoughts.
About to burst open if these thoughts keep building up.
I have so much to say.
Only on paper can I express myself.
Too difficult to open up.
Too afraid to.
Don't want to be judged.
Turned away and shamed for my feelings before so I learned to hide everything in side.
Now that's just the way it is.
Rather be alone.
Can't take anymore pain.
Alone in silence is better than being tortured by all the possibilities of hurt another human being can bring to the table.
Being along is better than all those senseless fights.
What's the point anyway?
Fighting doesn't do anything good.
It only ruins our mentality.
Flattens our happiness
Increases our anxieties.
Took me so long to accept being alone
But now that I'm here it's where I'd rather be.
When you live the life such as one you would too.
As time goes on, it becomes easier and more desirable to crave voluntarily aloneness.
People think you're lonely when you're alone.
However, the truth is, sometimes being alone can give you some of the greatest memories and happiest times.
Being alone is better than being alone while with someone else.
Better to be alone than to suffer from the hurt from someone else.

Sparkle
Cosmic interference
Creations of new colors and ideas
You wanted her though she saw nothing of herself
You saw something worth loving and adoring
You still loved me
You love me still

C@rainbowchaser2021

Emotional and mental mess.
Nothing but distress.
Take one moment at a time
As that’s all I can seem to handle.
Not day to day anymore.
Only second to second.
These last several months, last several weeks have me ****** up.
Lost the woman I was becoming.
She’s buried within.
Soon, I’ll dig to find her.
Right now it’s hard to keep my head above the water.
Trying to keep myself from drowning.
But drowning within is the only emotion aside from anxiety that I can feel right now.
You’ve got me ****** up.
These days got me begging for mercy.
For peace, for silence.
When I can feel these things then I’ll reach for happiness once more.
I may seem calm and collected but all I want to do is cry.
Screaming inside.
If I could describe everything I’ve been feeling in this heart and mind of mine
I would tell you it’s like being a big beautifully colored bird trapped inside a cage 4x too small for me.
Suffocation desperate for resuscitation.
Let me be.
Set me free.
There won’t be any peace until all my belongings are with me.
No peace until you walk away and I lock that door.
The door that I and only myself have the ability to lock and unlock.
That’s when I click block.
Tears will run but so am I.
Running from what seems like the devil.
The narcissist inside of you.
I was wild, free, and so happy before I met you.
Free like a wild mustang.
That’s who I am.
So, let me be.
Let me back into wild where I long to be.
Had my life together before I moved under this roof.
Worked in healthcare now I’m jumping factory to factory.
Barely surviving mental health.
Not in my own home.
You took away my peace and my silence.
You took away my therapy.
My outlook on life.
Though I still believe all that I did before
All that I discovered before
I’m just waiting until my cage door opens.
I’ll be busting out
Breaking the chains off my wounded my ankles and wings.
I’ll fly so fast. Faster than you can blink your eyes.
I’m not me. Not anymore I am not.
I lost my life because of you.
And because of you I will gain it back and this time it’ll be even better.
Even when I’m kicked to the ground
Bleeding from my head and the limbs of my body
Though shall never defeat me.
I will not surrender.
Only surrendering I shall and will make is surrendering your ability to ever hurt me again.
Once that door closes
I am going to bolt it shut.
Never will you walk in through it again.
Locked and blocked you will be.
I will pray for you because it is people like you that truly need it the most.
Good riddance to you.
The friend and love I thought I once had.