Gender is such a fun game, Isn't it?

I remember as a kid I would play Wizard101 and in the beginning before creating a new

Character, you must establish if you were a

Boy.. Or a Girl.

I had one female wizard, and one boy wizard and in my mind, that was okay until

I showed my heavily religious grandparent the game.

She asked me why there was one boy character, and one girl character.

I told her it was my friends and she smiled, as if she were relieved.

The next sentence that spilled from her old ancient lips made me almost cry.

She smoothed her khakis and said

I was afraid you would say that they were both you, because you should only have a girl character.

And no, Oma, it was not my friend's character because in my mind, I wanted to be that boy character.

In my mind, I  wanted to be that female character as well.

When I was Thirteen, I got a plaid shirt for Christmas. I put it on and my friends said

It made me look like a lesbian.

And only one of my friends said it looked good on me.

At that time, I was declaring myself "bisexual" finding both girls and guys

to be very attractive.

My favourite viner was a neutrois and I thought this was normal.

In fact, I wanted to cut my hair short  and wear guy-ish clothes for a longtime.

So many people have told me that I must identify as "boy" or "male"

Or ****, even "girl" and "female"

Well guess what.

I'm worth more than a ******* "Other" button.

So are other people.

People, humans.

That's what we are, isn't it?

On the days I showed up on time or early, those are the days I smiled more.

On the days I showed up late during second period, those are the days I laid my head down more.

My friends said I seemed hyper on my happy days,

My friends said I seemed tired on my sad days.

After, I finally gave up when it came to trying to go on with perfect smiles everyday,

People finally noticed.

I was once told that no one would care unless you're pretty or dead.

Since that day, I surveyed how my friends would act.

The prettier ones were always busy,

The kinder ones were always bored.

On the days I actually wanted to go to school,

Those were the days when I had a whole hour to read a book,

Those were the days I had a whole hour to think about life.

On the days I hated going to school,

Those were the days I didn't have time to think.

Those were the days I knew I would have to think during class.

When my mom told me I might not be finishing the school year in a public school,

I was not as sad as I should have been.

In fact, when I told my few close friends, I smiled.

They told me they hated me for leaving them and that they would miss me too much.

When I told my absolute best friend that I was happy about this, she asked me why.

I used to joke around and say

"Don't Question Me."

But this time, I'm glad she did.

I told her it'll give me more time to work on my depression.

I told her that I may actually be able to go to a new mind, where I'm not the broken mirror.