Each time you speak to me
You have an opportunity
To lift me up or knock me down
To show me love or show me harm

Baby, you **** me
When you're angry and mad
Your pain you spread like a wildfire out of control
I keep getting burned
But I can't turn away from your fire

But baby, you lift me up
And inspire me to live and to love
When your heart is right and you're feeling nice
When your looks you give are of love and not vice
It is in my nature, for you I desire

No path will ever be easy when it comes to loving you
Because your fire burns brightly
And it cannot be contained
I am drawn to it like a moth to the flame

I am learning to play with the fire
I respect it because it is beautiful and powerful
Such is the beauty of your beast
My tolerance for the burn will ever increase

We were apart and you were gone
That much was true
I never knew if it was permanent or temporary
I kept catching myself looking for you

Getting along without you, day to day
Wasn't anything especially difficult
We hadn't had a falling out
And I knew you were out there still
I just kept catching myself looking for you

Every time something made me particularly happy
I would want to share it with you
Even though I knew you weren't there
Whenever I felt sad, I would look for your support
Even though I knew you weren't there
Many times, I just sat there telling myself
"Everything is going to be okay"

I missed you and you became a perpetual daydream
More than I was comfortable admitting
I often pondered if you missed me as often as I did you

Our last kiss was savored
I knew at the time
There may never be another
The memory is vivid
As my lips touched your lips

As I write these words
I still wonder about you and how you are doing

The fire you lit inside of me still burns
Always offering some help finding your way back
Should you ever decide to tend the fire

I will always look for you
Because it is you that I am missing

We're only people
Misunderstood
Fighting to be heard
When we should just realize
Underlying
We are all the same

Fighting about fighting
Everyone loses
If there is a God
That God would never
Encourage violence
Doesn't make any ****** sense

It's about love
It starts with our children
Telling them
To welcome their neighbor
With open arms
To share culture,
Not abhor it

To tell them
Because someone is different
Don't judge them
Don't hate them
Get to know them
They probably have something to teach you

The world is a crazy place
Always has been
But now, because of the internet
We know about it

It's okay that we're all different
But we (not the extreme people) want the same things
A safe place to sleep
Somewhere to go home to
A future for our children

If you are a person that isn't extreme
It's time now, to speak up
Let others know
(Especially anyone extreme)
That the rest of us have a voice too

**** the hate
Don't be afraid to debate

Every time she left my sight
I died inside a little each time
Whenever she gazed into my eyes
I was brought back to life once more

I see a light inside of you
Helplessly I am drawn towards it
Yet I realize no harm will come to me
While I am in the rays of your inner light
I cherish the light you offer
For it is one of a kind and pure

To know that it has been squandered
And abused
Taken for granted
And used
Makes me feel rage deep within my very being
But sorrow mostly
Because your light deserves to shine
And loved by those who understand
What they are seeing

I hope that you can also see
The light that burns within me
In it's light you are protected and safe

While it rains
We sit in a window
Looking out waiting for it to stop
Our life goes into a limbo

All this precious time in our lives
We waste on waiting
For something or someone
To happen

We wait for the light turn green
For our laundry to be done
We wait for the over to preheat
Or for reciprocated love

This limbo we live in while we wait
Gives us nothing but grey hairs
As our precious time slips away

Patience is a virtue
When it comes to the right things worth waiting on
But how much time is wasted in that limbo
On things that aren't worth the wait?

It's a fine line
Deciding when it's appropriate to wait
But it's not worth it when we put our lives on hold
With or without patience
We grow old

In the end
We all have an end
How many of your pages are filled with words and events
Instead of ellipses (...) which is
The limbo we sit in while waiting

© Nathan Pival 2016

Walking home by myself
A lonely trip with only the wind to keep me company
Cigarette butts litter the curb
Whose lips they've touched
Their story I will never know

The smells of nighttime and laundry fill the air
In the distance, music can be heard mixed with laughter
Somewhere, memories are being made
Unbeknownst to the receiving, someone is falling in love
For it to only end up in heartbreak

In those high rise buildings
Someone is contemplating suicide
Three doors down, a life is being made

On these lonely walks home
I witness the world we live in
In the darkness, I can see

The love you keep inside
Is what makes you survive

There is something
You need to understand about me
I'm older now
I've loved and I've lost

I've lived with regret
After doing someone wrong
Who didn't deserve it

I've judged myself
Wondering if I would ever again
Feel right
Wondering if I would even be able to feel again

Yet I find myself still here
In one piece
And not at all crass or harsh
But only seeing things more vividly

I understand now
That sometimes love and beauty and good things
Mostly only come in moments

I recognize and acknowledge them
While they are at my front door
I take my time saying hello
Instead of goodbye

The memories that will last
Will mostly be made up of moments
I still feel lucky for them

Watching her get ready
Staring into the mirror
Putting on her makeup
And fixing her hair
The mirror knows as I know
Of them all, she is the most fair

She is more than easy on the eyes
But her real beauty
Within the temperament of her heart it lies

She leaves an emptiness in her absence
And steals the show in her presence
There are many reasons to miss her when she is gone

She is the definition of true beauty
I love her for her
And she loves me for me

10 pm Beer and Music
11 pm Liquor
12 am Dancing
1  am Beer, Liquor, and Dancing
2  am Bad dancing
3  am Arguing
4  am Crying
5  am Kissing and the rest
6  am Sleep
11 am Nooooo!!!!!

The pain behind your eyes
Tells a story that could never lie
That feeling of being lost
But wanting to be found
Intimidated and vulnerable
Tired of being pushed around
Confused and torn
At having a second chance
An opportunity to choose
When it's safer with nothing to lose
Picking up the pieces seems an impossible task
To find someone true
To trust
Not hiding behind a mask
I can see the pain behind your eyes
It isn't hidden very well
Sometimes to get to heaven
You gotta go thru hell

The paths we cross in life
With others
Sometimes dictates the paths we take
Whether we want to go it alone
Or with someone shared down a mutual path
Not knowing where it will take us
Or how long it will last
By choice or fate
The beaten path is in the past
To never look back
Hoping
Onwards to something better
Possibly something great
These interjections of people into our lives
Sometimes it lasts
And sometimes people are gone
Before their time is due
Most of the time
It's out of our hands
When people are gone too soon
Whether it be a friend, family, or lover
Instead of asking Why?
We must learn to say Goodbye
With no regret
And no looking back
Keeping the past behind us
Onwards to the light
Out of the black

Yours was the sweetest touch
I broken upon your grace
Never had I ever seen such beauty
As my eyes lain upon the sweetness of your face
You got me exactly where I was weak
So open to me
You shared your pain and secrets
I saw you for what you were
And I wanted more
I gave you myself
No holds barred
You kept lightly touching me
When we first met
Sending vibrations through my all
I kept telling myself
It was an accident
Even though your intentions were obvious
Our first kiss
Made me forget all others before
I remember it every time I think of you
Yours was the sweetest touch
You got me where I was weak
Unlike any other
I fully submit to you
Your touch broke down my walls
You stole my heart in the middle of the night
Feeling your lips touch mine
That first time
The memory still causes me to pause
And I still catch myself holding my breath
Lost in that moment
Yours was the sweetest touch
You got me where I was weak

The walls we build up around ourselves
With intentions of protecting us
Inadvertently imprison us
Made wary by our own cautions
Afraid to take chances
Never letting anyone in
And never getting out
We have locked ourselves in and away
Our own fears have swallowed the key
With this type of thinking
We will never be free

Osama
Obama
Mothers killing babies
Cops killing kids
Kids killing kids
Facebook
Twitter
Online dating
Connected more than ever
Yet never more far apart
More suicides than combat deaths
Generation Y me?
Marriages don't last
A broken family is a typical family
Legal Marijuana
Bath Salts
****** is higher than ever
No more cursive writing
A degree doesn't guarantee a job
Just debt
Gay marriage
Equal rights
Politically correct
Because everything is offensive
Donald Trump for president
Caitlyn Jenner from the chopping block
Skinny jeans
Trust fund kids
Starbucks junkies
Disney Star Wars
Men to Mars
Internet wars
Cam ******
Electric cars
Hookah bars
A generation founded upon instant gratification
This is the world we live in

So sensitive
And sentimental
You touch my heart
With all that you are

I once felt hopeless
The way you look at me
Leaves me breathless

As I write this
I understand
That no words can give justice
To what is happening between us right now

As a man of words
You leave me speechless
And yet our connection says more than any that have come before

I realize now that I have been lost for years
And I finally feel like I have found my way back home
Your light guided me to somewhere safe
A place I can call my own

Whatever fire I've walked through
Which led me to this
This point in time and place
To you
Was more than worth it
You were the passion I've been searching for

Imperfection and perfection;
All a matter of perception.
What we see is what we get.
This rollercoaster ride,
Is far from over yet.

Through this weighted and wanted life we live
Handshakes, hugs, and smiles we give
Patience and temperament tried
Will broken and tears cried
There's a lot more to life than just surviving

Life's greatest pleasures
Lie within the smile of a child
Or the whispers of the wind
The only mysteries worth solving
Are those that lay within

Have you ever watched the sun chase the moon?
Did you know it was just another love story?
Our unique perspectives are what make us
And it's okay for us all to be different

This is something that makes it so special
When we cross paths with those who we can relate
A kindred soul
Someone cut from the same mold

Keep your happiness simple
And you will see
Not only will you survive
You will thrive
And be free

(This is a poem I wrote with a friend.  Her lines are capitalized.)

THREE-LEGGED CHAIR
From start to finish
Never diminish
I ALWAYS TRY
I GIVE MY PLENTIEST
This I say
Sometimes I follow thru
That's me
What about you?
I DO WHAT I CAN
IS THAT ENOUGH?
SOMETIMES I WONDER
THOUGHTS...YEAH THEY'RE TOUGH
Don't forget to breathe
It's an always
And most underappreciated need
When everything seems wrong
Take time
To take time
To see the best
The pure
The beauty
Of being good
No one can be you
But you
WHEN TRYING ISN'T ENOUGH
WHAT DO YOU DO?
NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH
SHOULDN'T THAT BE A CLUE?
I SHOULD GET ONE
YEAH I KNOW
An ever attempt
At bettering reality
A step is a step
An attempt at betterness
To sate destruction
Never let it listen
To *******
Never give up
Ever
WE HAVEN'T
WE WON'T
WE CAN'T
WE HAVE HOPE
Don't be a dope
Always and forever
More than a chance
Sometimes
A dance
With possibility
Forever
Reality
LOOKING THRU THE WINDOW
STARING AT THE TV
ANYTHING I CAN
TO ESCAPE REALITY
I LIVE AND BREATHE
I TRY MY BEST
An attempt gives you strength
Because it's more than the rest
WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF TRUTH
Actions
See what is being said
SOMETIMES IT'S THAT
THAT HURTS
EVERYONE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW
ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS
But if you keep the hurt to yourself
That's your fault
SOMETIMES TRUTH HURTS
THIS I KNOW
I'M AN ADULT
WE ALL HAVE ROOM TO GROW
No matter how much
We know
Or have learned
Stand up
To be loved
Or burned
IT TAKES HEART
TO HAVE THAT DONE
IT TAKES TIME
WE'RE ONLY ONE
PERSON
THAT IS
WE'RE NOT THE SAME
WE ALL FEEL DIFFERENT
WE ALL HATE PAIN
WE'RE ONLY HUMAN
WE ALL BLEED THE SAME
SOMETIMES LIFE *****
I WONDER
WHERE'S THE GAIN?
Humanity has survived
Up to this point
With or without a joint
Keep trying
Never lying
Breathe it
Live it
NEVER A LIAR
I KEEP MY WORD
IT'S NEVER BOUNCY
NOTHING LIKE A CHEESE CURD
Yeah, nerd
A bottle in a brown bag
Never is an
End
Until this one
How many times
Saying
Never again?
YOU WISH THIS WAS
THE ONE TO BE DONE
IT'S FUNNY
SO I'M NOT READY
TO STOP
THE CLOCK
THIS POEM
IS GOOD
SON
DON'T HATE
APPRECIATE
WE'RE SITTING HERE
PLAYING A GAME
Somebody won
Somebody lost
Hello and Goodbye
Always lost

As time rains over me,
It washes the pain away.

A true crime
Is shutting someone out
That only wants in

To be a part
Of your madness and misery
That accepts you
In your current shape
Recognizing who you really are
Beyond your broken state

It's easy to shut someone out
And keep your distance
Locked away only with yourself
It's much safer
When there isn't anything to lose

A true crime
Is denying someone that chance
To help you heal
So you don't have to go it alone
Just because you are afraid

When fear dictates your life
You cease to live

A cigarette and coffee
As I decide how to approach this day
Wondering if there will be hurdles to jump
What obstacles will be in my way

I try to be optimistic
But I know how life works
Not everyone is nice
Some people are jerks

But the sun is shining
I don't dare turn on the tv
Things seem pretty easy-going
I don't need that ruined for me

A lot of times we forget
That things are a lot better than they seem
Don't get caught up in the *******
Instead of living the dream

This waking life isn't as terrible
As some make it out to be
We just have to take time to notice
When things are right
Instead of just when they are wrong

Love today
Because tomorrow may never come

We give up
Before we understand what is at stake
Never giving our all
Too afraid to fall
It's safer when there's nothing to lose
Leaving shells of potential
A decision to choose
Yet a chance never taken
Wondering what went wrong
When it was ourselves
All along

I had other poems in my head
But now they are dead
I sit here and wonder
What it is
I wanted to say
Something I was feeling
That needed out

Stressed and upset
Placing my last bet
End of the line
Spread thin
Again?

Wondering
How far can I be pushed?
Until I fall over the edge
And I'm falling
Out of control

But
It didn't happen
Because I don't have time for that

Beauty
Love
Truth
Laughter
Keeps me true

Life is too short to waste it
Being angry
Or blue

Life is a trudging beast that isn't going to stop
For you or for anyone
It will go on and on
As the world turns
With or without you
So it's best to move on when you can
In the hopes that maybe you can catch up
And start living again

What's the point of being,
If you can't be yourself?

Until we meet again
Know that I carry
you in my heart
I cherish every moment in
your presence but loving you
reminds me that life is short
I know that I have not the
time enough to hold
you in my arms
So that every goodbye
breaks my heart,only to be
healed every time you come
into my life again
I know that no matter where
I end up or life takes me,
I shall always find my
way back to you.
There is a beacon in my heart lit
by my love for you that
always shines a light on my path
guiding me home where
you keep my heart.

In the depths of solitude, I find
A reflection of my soul's design
A space where shadows dance and play
And loneliness becomes my guide

Life is short
Love is unfair
Don't waste your precious time
Being bitter and hurt
Love your time with them
As a learning experience
No matter the past
Wish them the best
Focus on yourself
Move on

When everyone is already broken
Is there ever a chance for a new start
When pointing fingers and passing blame becomes an art
Never owning up and never growing
Only dying on the inside
A young, dried up heart
The past won at murdering the future
and now you're lost in a familiar land
Loniliness and guilt are the only company you keep
And you befriend every bottle you meet
None of this is ever gonna change until you do

Nathan Pival 2018

Wonton soup

I got Chinese
For sure you and me

Out of surprise you came to my left
I gave you a right

Now you have a black eye

And now I have no soup

She was many things
But she wasn't like the others

Obsolete heartbeat
Began with a purpose
No longer can finish it's shift
Bad karma is lingering
This won't be swift
Keep beating and going
But with no purpose
Always surviving
But never living
It was a heart
Unwanted

Do you remember
When we used to talk for hours
About nothing and everything?
Our hopes and dreams
Our triumphs and fails
Our loves and hates
We would disagree sometimes
But we always learned something
And it was fun
Until the wee hours
Sacrificing needed sleep
To listen to you
No matter the topic
Taking 10 minutes to say goodbye
Then wishing it had taken longer

It starts
It's happening
Intensity
We are both feeling it
It is amazing
Although
I'm no sucker
I don't even know you enough
There is no way I do
This is lust
We are acting like teenagers
And it's fun
But
The way you look at me
Makes me think of the possibilities
Of what we could have together
Also
The past still lingers
I remember how things fall apart
How beautiful can turn to ugly
How love can turn to hate
No amount of experience or understanding
Has prepared me for this
I am still vulnerable
And this is how you make me feel
I am not ready

If I could count the moments
That I've waited or wanted you
I would be waiting

And you leave me waiting

Sometimes,
It's as simple as wanting to hear your voice
Or a hello
It's always simple
Because I don't ask much

I keep waiting
Because I want to
Whatever you do to get to me
It works
Despite everything before
That tells me better

I wait for you
Because I understand the possibility
The possible future if you give up
The demons weighing you down

I won't wait forever
Because I've got **** to do too

But right now,
I'm waiting on you

Never asking life to be easy
Knowing that everything will be tough sometimes

Being patient
And waiting and waiting

How long with this downturn
Of this rollercoaster ride take?

Waiting and waiting
Because things have to get better eventually

I keep working towards it
Doing what I feel is right

Being patient
And waiting and waiting
Telling myself tomorrow is a new day

Waking and wanting
A fresh start and another take
On this so called life

Some of us are destined for difficult lives
Because we feel pain and care
When others don't

If that is my role,
I accept it
In the meantime
I am being patient
And waiting and waiting

For tomorrow's fresh start

The morning comes
Bringing the warmth of the sun
Across my body
I feel it's heat
To my eyes
I'm reminded
To begin again
And live this life
Like there is no tomorrow

Ughh...
Morning light
You tease me with your beauty
For I am not ready

This morning came too quick
My bed was so cozy
Inviting me to stay a little longer
Alas, I cannot!
I've got work to do!

Trying to build up
Enough momentum to go
Two cups of coffee down
Enticing my blood to flow

Alright, it's not so bad anymore
Bed
I shall return to you
Later tonight
And our reunion
Shall be such a delight

The things you said
Whether true or not
Made me feel terrible
Shutting me out
Trying to talk to you
Heard but not understood
I too
Was not seeing what I saw
Trying to make it work with you
Was as productive
As banging my head on the wall
A combat veteran
Of a war wished not fought
Creating a family with you
Was something not bought
With money
Love
Patience
Or virtue
Our love was untrue

We were young and you caught my eye
My eye was dumb and I knew it
So I pushed you away
Because you were too young
You fool! Get away!!

I avoided you as long as I could

But you found your way into my heart
I know exactly when it happened

I came home from the army and you were different
You were a woman
You were beautiful

Cut to the chase
I made you mine
I was happy about that
We were happy for that

We made a baby
Out of love because I loved you
You were there and had me
The whole time I was gone
Overseas with no one to know
I did have you and you had me

I came back and things
Slowly started to break
I was broken
But we were young

I was so confused
About everything
I put a lot on you
And I am sorry for that

I still want you to be happy
I always have
I am here and I made it back
That is an issue I have been dealing with
Since I've been back

But, thank you
For looking out for our son in my absence
I know this won't make it right
But you won't talk to me
Face to face
And remember,
I used to be your best friend

I'm still here
And I'm trying to make things better
I am
Only a man

You fell in love with my poetry
But does that mean you know how to love me?
Have you ever loved a poet before?
Do you understand it may take a little more?

We see things more vivid than most people do
We may seem distant sometimes
Because we are

Lost in our thoughts or daydreams
Beautiful things will sometimes make us cry
I am telling you this so you don't have to wonder why

If you love a poet
You must not be the jealous type
If you ever plan to make a poet your wife

Our poetry is for everyone, not just you
This is something you must understand
If you want a poet to be your man

Sometimes our words will come out better on paper
Than when we are speaking to you
Sometimes we still might feel alone
No matter what you say or do

Do you really understand what it takes to love a poet?
Do not let our words intimidate you or expect to heal our scars
Just accept us for the beautiful souls we are

We will love you like no other
And the way we will show it will leave you smitten
We will again and again proclaim it through the poems we've written

When you love a poet
Each kiss will be a masterpiece
Each embrace will be the first and last

When you love a poet
They will be a puzzle
And you will be a puzzle piece