i close my eyes and drift off to sleep
hoping this is the one place
i have to myself
where i feel safe and
free to love just so.
i can still dream of you so vividly...

we’re at that one place
there you are
me, barely peeking over the top of your head, i can smell the honey shampoo you use as the wind blows
wisps of hair you try and
keep out of your face but
never manage to
the sun shines down to make your eyes appear with all the shades of brown i never knew before you
your freckles, scattered across your face
like the artist who created
you placed each one
with the most precise
stroke of their brush..

each dream i never fail
to see you so vividly
time and time again
a different setting
a different twist
a different story may occur but it’s always the same you
something i can never escape
the ending never changes
i’m left with the same feeling of
never being loved by you

light as a feather
i’m in your sweater
feeling under the weather
i wish i was better
but love can’t be measured
and the rest is forever

rain rain
stay with me
you bring joy
and all great things
if you go
i’ll be sad
and wonder why i feel this bad

we exchange glances across the room
i still remember the first time i met you
even though it was just three months ago
and we’ve only hung out three times
still i just want you to be my girlfriend
because i heard third times the charm

now i lay me down to sleep
i pray the lord, my thoughts to keep
my anxious mind
runs through the night
i don’t know if i
can stay this time

i look for myself in people constantly
i direct my image outside and wonder why i keep leaving places empty handed
i am enough
so why do my lips ache to say your name
how do my hands fit so perfectly around your waist but when i come home and lay in bed alone i’m left with nothing but moments
i’m exhausting my love in places that cannot be accepted so when i look in the mirror i see nothing but a person searching for someone to hold

she made everything i felt held something special just seem as a second hand emotion, passed down and lost its meaning
i wanted to find beauty in everything, even the broken, while she just wanted a spring cleaning
so i opened the windows, breathed in the new seasonal air and made her leave

i want it to mean something,
i feel a lot of pressure.
those were the words
that left your mouth
when all i wanted
was to show
you
how i felt about
you
with my lips,
no words

it bothers me how
it's as if someone kissed
you before
and it didn't mean something

how could someone come so close to a piece of heaven,
fall on their knees,
and not call it worship?

my insecurities pile up
making up most of my thoughts throughout the day
it’s hard to draw the line between real and fake
always wanting to run from what’s real
and make my own fantasy
except the only place i know anymore
is your arms

i'm sorry
i can't love you like they could
i'm sorry
that's not how God made me
i'm sorry
i break your heart
i'm sorry
you love me
i'm sorry
my feelings can't align with yours
like how i feel most myself
when i'm kissing
Her

i’m sorry i left you behind
i must have lost my mind
you’ve been my only friend
when my world comes to an end
my hand drifts towards a pen
and i rewrite my life again
i never know where to begin
but i always find myself, writing again

it all makes sense now
did i not see it from the beginning?
how could it have been love
when my pen and paper always ended up empty…