i look for myself in people constantly
i direct my image outside and wonder why i keep leaving places empty handed
i am enough
so why do my lips ache to say your name
how do my hands fit so perfectly around your waist but when i come home and lay in bed alone i’m left with nothing but moments
i’m exhausting my love in places that cannot be accepted so when i look in the mirror i see nothing but a person searching for someone to hold

just let me catch my breath
it’s been 22 years and i haven’t been able to keep down a morning breakfast yet
it’s been so long,
i now address you as my friend but please anxiety, stop following me to bed
a lullaby of all our mistakes
the morning birds scream in my face
can i just have one day to myself?
free of anxiety and everything else

let’s go back to the night we were torn from each other
let’s follow the signs the universe showed us to avoid such depressing events
i think back to that time and know how our love could have survived if we weren’t so young and reckless
as i mature and grow, i’ve learned it wasn’t our fault
our love was pure but the world could never accept us, and sometimes still won’t
so when i dream of you and i, do you see me in yours too?
i still have my dreamcatcher we shared
and it’s always latching on to you…

how embarrassing it is to have feelings
i don’t want them anymore
take them away
leave me beside
there’s no room left
in my jumbled up life
so take my thoughts,
my feelings,
my pride,
and leave me alone
with you in my mind

you’re my 6am
and evening thoughts
no matter my plans
it’s you i want
so let’s slip away
behind closed doors
say my name
and i’ll be yours

when August came….
you expected gentle freckles
and sweet lemonade,
the morning solstice
and warm summer days

but August came,
and August went,
she brought you pain
and a heart to mend

it all makes sense now
did i not see it from the beginning?
how could it have been love
when my pen and paper always ended up empty…