Interrupted my latest terrible nightmare with desire to start this morning with alacrity,
I want to feel alive.
Today was unlike yesterday or the day before that or the day before that…
Unkempt? No. Today, I am not a mess, no matter how much more comfortable I feel to be.
“C’mon” I tell myself, “breathe… 1, 2, 3… breathe.” Here comes anxiety, my best friend.
Always here, it never leaves.
So used to the stoic nature I create for myself when I go out,  zero emotions whatsoever for anything, everything.
I think of myself with such animosity, hatred fills my mind.
Vacillating my thoughts, I can’t decide. Do I fight off this “great” friend of mine or do I settle?
Fight off? Can I?
Nice try.
Another fiasco this morning, complete failure. Will it always be this difficult?
I get dizzy. I feel nebulous, so unclear and confused.
Trying to get out of bed, I force myself to feel less maudlin, less emotional for once
Seeing my family in the morning, I seem boorish. Where are my manners?
Succinct conversations, it’s all so brief. “Good Morning” “Hmm…” “You okay?” “Yep.”
I always make them the scapegoat of my self-pity, as if they’re at fault for my mind’s catastrophe.
They probably think that I am never complacent towards them, I don’t try to please them even when it comes to the way they feel… especially that.
One day they might just stop being so kind and it wouldn’t be fortuitous to me, no surprise.
Though I am completely deserving of that, I’d hate for it to happen.
I tend to purposely cause rifts in friendships, I just have to break apart all my friendships.
All these mood swings can become shameful.
Being so adroit with anxiety is shameful, I’ve mastered living life with anxiety and it’s so unhealthy.
It’s the one and only relationship I cannot get rid of.
My best, best friend, anxiety.

You seem to forget you, you seem to forget that yes, you do matter
So oblivious to the way things are, you don’t notice - or care. Please gather
Gather your emotions, stop ignoring all the “silly” little things
Annihilate your fixed mindset, destroy it completely
Instead grow, grow into those ever-changing pretty wings.


One called you rogue, worthless, nothing
That comment polarizing you and the self portrait, there is a split between the two cutting
Cutting self and conflicted perspectives, think, “Who am I”
You seem to be the very reason you’re beleaguered, always troubled
Be the very coercion, your own force to think, “I’m a precious little being, bout’ limits? no sky.”


Don’t you dare tame that voice, opine your thoughts, state those opinions, make that noise
Keep it pithy, the concise powerful words spoken, expressed with poise
Inside you’re innate to having confidence, inborn with self certainty, this life is yours to make
Savoir faire, you know just what to do
Ambition to use, goals set, all the stars above are yours to take


Self love is no fallacy, no ruse, no trick, you’ll see
Decimate the huge stubborn part in mind, **** it and change. Perception is what you set out to be
Say it with me, verbatim, word… for… word… “I am worth it, I am enough, I am beyond it all.”
A growing mind always propitious to molding a lovely life, always in the favor of good desire
Aware that with life comes hidden dangers, had an insight of a terrible pitfall

Today, you are okay. Everyday, you will be better.

“I am worth it, I am enough, I am beyond it all.”