You cannot claim me as yours if there is another,
I can't be yours if you can't commit.
Why is it so hard for you?

Do I not give enough?
Is it my fault that you stray?

Or does the idea of commitment scare you,
Does it scare you so much that you don't realise you're leaving a deep cut in my heart.

I should leave you, then.
But you begged and said, 'no you are mine!'

Am I truly yours?
Do you expect me to stay whilst you fill yourself up with everyone else?

To kiss you and welcome you wholeheartedly,
As if we were completely each other's.

I will stay.
But I will not commit,
Just like you.

Was I wrong to think that you were the happiest with me?

That I light the fire in your eyes?

That you were the most comfortable with me and I meant something to you.

Was I wrong to think that our hands fit perfectly like the way your dress mends well with your curves?

Was I wrong to think that–was I wrong to hope that you would think the same and feel the same about me?

Were you just playing with me then? Like a little ******* puppet?

Was I a toy to you?
Oblivious in your little game?
Oblivious with your intention.

Perhaps I was.
Perhaps I do not light the fire in your eyes, but you do to mine.

Perhaps you are not the most comfortable with me, but when I'm with you, it feels like home.
And I suppose you do not think our hands fit perfectly together. I do. I thought we were a perfect puzzle piece.

Perhaps you never loved me to begin with.

Your touch mesmerises me,
Intrigues me.
Makes me want you more.

You're like a drug that I get high off to.
A substance that I shouldn't overdose on.

How could something so amazing,
Be so bad?

How could something that makes me forget the bad things; create more pain?

What is it that you want?
My heart? My soul?
Is this your way of marking me as yours?

Am I yours?
I would gladly be.

Will you be mine as well?
Who am I kidding.

Your heart is unobtainable,
Unreachable,
Untouchable,
Untraceable.

To put it simply,
It belongs to no one.

We're not friends, we're not enemies.
We're not lovers.
  
                                       -
So what are we?

It hurts though.
It hurts to see you happy,
To see you smiling while I'm over here crying.

That's okay.
All I wanted for you was to be happy.
Even if that meant I would get hurt in the process.

For months I've pushed you away,
Shut you out,
Ignored you and your help.

Then I let myself go. I let you come into my life. You made me smile, you made me feel like the happiest I've ever been.

And then it was all over too soon.
You took advantage of it.
You thought I would be there whenever you're lonely.

You thought you could push me around.
You knew that you were the world to me and I would do anything for you.

You thought I would never leave you.
So did I.

But then one day you said you loved another.
And you expected me to stay anyway.
To take the pain.

I caught you off guard as I make my way to the nearest exit.

You took hold of my hand and ask where I was going.

I simply smiled with tears streaming down my face.

"I'm leaving you."

Sorry doesn't help,
It doesn't mend anything,
It doesn't mean anything.
It shouldn't mean anything.

But it does, doesn't it?
It means something.

It means you don't care enough and you don't see that I don't want a sorry. I have had many sorrys' in my entire lifetime. I don't want any more of those.

I want you to barge into my house and push me up against the wall and kiss me senseless.

I want to feel your apologies seep through our kiss and pour out love.

I want to feel your heartbeat against mine as you're looking at me with the most apologetic expression.

You didn't do that though.
No.

Instead, you walked off with a goodbye kiss and sent me a text,
"I'm sorry."

I would have forgiven you regardless.
Because I love you and I believed in you.
I thought you would have changed your mind.

I guess not.