I am trying to hold on
but
There’s only so much I can carry
If I could just let go
I
Will
Be
Set
Free...

Come to me,
come,
Come to me
You brought the sun to me

If I could meet you all over again
I would
& perhaps the timing would be right

Do not fall for their eyes
They are filled with deceiving lies

Do not listen to their treacherous words
They will cast a spell on you with a curse.

I know love is essential for you to yearn
But with this one you will never learn

They will **** all your love out
leaving your heart with a drought

They are not worthy of you and your love
you are way above

So am I loyal
Or
Pathetic

for still loving you

I love you and I know that doesn’t make sense because how can I still love you after experiencing the most ****** thing. but all I know is that everything made sense when I was with you. I wish you could come back to me. I felt so safe.
I love you with all my heart and I wish you could have chosen me I wish for so many things out of you and me.  But I know I can’t be with someone who isn’t even sure about me what kind of relationship is that right?
I’m not naive,  you may be my first love but that doesn’t mean it was supposed to be like this. I’m not naive because I knew exactly how I felt about you and I’m pretty sure I’m grown enough to know what the **** to feel.
You were my best friend my other half and it’s not easy losing two people at once. It’s not easy losing the person that means so much to you  
I don’t know when it will ever be enough for me. I just know that this love keeps going. You still give me butterflies whenever you talk to me. And if I were to see you right now I know my whole face would feel  hot.
I get so happy whenever you text me.
I wish you were sure about me I wish you could commit to me, I wouldn’t ever hurt you
I would protect you.  And love and cherish you.
I guess none of these things were enough for you to stay. I guess you’re seeking for something else that I can’t give you. Even if we’re no longer in each other’s world I still pray for  you & your well being. And even if it means you being happy without my existence I still wish it upon you. I miss you terribly and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.
*these are all the things I want to say but I can’t.

I am
    trying
        to remember
             you
and
    let go of
          you  
    at the same time

“I forgive you, Wether or not you are sorry for anything you have done. I forgive you, if it is true what i’ve heard, that you fooled around with a girl during your ten day leave. I forgive you for leaving without saying a word to me. I forgive you for making me feel unworthy after hearing that you thought that i wasn’t pretty enough for you to date... perhaps you never think of me anymore and maybe this means nothing to you. so i guess this is mostly for me, but i forgive you. and just a little tip, don’t be a coward...be the kind of guy you’d want your sister to be with. Happy birthday,“

I went ballistic
I let everything out
I know that wasn't the reaction you were expecting
But I'm tired
Of excuses
& the sorry's
that you don't even mean

You had me trapped in my chrysalis
Refusing me to metamorphisize into something beautiful

Each tear
anger
hurt
Formed wings

& I flew
Never looking back,
Becoming a beautiful butterfly

Mother,
You told me not to make the same mistakes and settle for someone who doesn’t value me.
To not believe a word they say when they come back running just because they can’t find anyone willing to put up with their ****
I know you made that mistake with dad, I know how much disappointment you faced when he turned cold.
I understand every emotion and heartbreak you went through
Because I’m just like you
I kept having hope.
You cried for me every time she turned cold
You kept telling me to walk away before it’s too late
And if it wasn’t for you I would still be in that same place.
Dad may have not seen the diamonds in your eyes,
But you are the sun and you keep shining every **** day.

If i had a clone
I am sure you would take advantage
Like always
Hate to break it to you
But I cannot exist in two places at once
I am not magical
You cannot decide to leave
then want me again

As I ran on this cloudy day
I felt the suns warmth, despite of the grey skies
A prime example showing that i will rise

It’s a cloudy day, but I can still see the light
That is awaiting me even at night

I ran and ran and I felt your presence in me
Each pace I took, i felt the the shackles set free

I will not give up
I will make it to the finish line

As I cross the line of victory
I praise you

Thank you God, for making me shine
Even in this cloudy day

She is not you
When she looks at me
I picture it is  your face that I am seeing.
When our  lips touch
I pretend it is your lips that I am kissing.
When she touches me
I feel that it is your hand brushing the surface of my skin
And when we are intimate
I pretend that it is you I’m making love to.
And she is  perfect you know?
She treats me better than you ever did
she was the idealistic  you that I had portrayed

So if she is the exact replica of how I pictured you to be,
why can I not  I fall for her?

Hi,
I still love you.

I yearn
I wonder
I must have it
the feeling of being enough

I forgive you
For the way you pushed me away far out to the ends of the world,
How you wired me to your path of destruction.
for all the days I spent assembling a flood of my tears only to find you evacuating with pieces of me that I invested in you.
for all the empty promises that came out of them soft lips of yours
who's kisses are tattooed all over my skin inked with your lies & secrets,  
for the innumerable amount of chances you asked for,
taking my love for granted.
for your "apologies,"
That constituted to no change whatsoever.
I forgive you for breaking me
the kind of breaking where there is nothing but solitude & emptiness.
I forgive you,
At least I'll try to.

I know you don’t need me
And I
Most certainly don’t
But I wish you needed me
The way I need you

When will it stop?
The hysteric cries?
The excruciating feel of your heart breaking?
The love?
The sadness
The feeling of being unwanted
I want it to all end.

This burning flame has been burnt enough

I can talk to anyone
Hold hands with anyone
Hug anyone
Kiss anyone
And i still wouldn’t feel at home.

*you felt like home

The grass is greener on the other side
The storm has passed
Frowns turn into smiles
Cloudy days turn into sunny days
Worthlessness turn into confidence
Loss turn into my biggest win.

Thank you for leaving.

I hope you had a good birthday, I hope it was filled with nothing but love and happiness, surrounded by the people you love. I wish I could celebrate today with you. It’s one of my favorite days. You’re still my favorite person even though you’re far away from me. I know it’s pathetic to feel this kind of love for you. I love you still and I don’t ever wish the worst upon you. I wish you happiness. I love you. I really do. With all my heart. I hope you are doing okay. I hope you are living your best life. I love you. God I do. Happy Birthday T.

It’s 2020
And I’m still in love with you
I suppose you can say I’ve loved you for a decade.
Will this year be it? Will I finally get over you?
Please let this year be the one.

I gave my heart to a ******* fool

How
   Do
      I
       Stop
           Caring
                  For
                      Someone
                               That
                                    Doesn’t
                                          Care
                                               About
                                                      Me?

"For better or for worse"
I get that phrase now.
However I shouldn't let myself be convinced that it is okay to let all the ******* slide.
But you give me butterflies in my stomach like how you did first time falling in love with you 8 summers ago.
I'm irrevocably in love with you.
Along with a massive feel of resentment.