can't get a break
from all the things I hate

If it's not you

I'm trying to hold you closer
Since you've slipped away

If I could do

Something that would make you stay
Forget all the things I said

It's on you
For never trying
To talk to me again

I never liked to lose

After I lost you
Life seemed so cruel

A black moon
In the black sky
Doesn't make sense

If I can't see
It's reflection
On my face

If I can't see light
Shine in bed

If I can't ever be your friend

how long can you try
before all of it
becomes a goodbye

open and closed
I should go
I should go

I torture myself a little more

is it a little better or worse
you were never mine

how many more days will pass till you ask me
if I'm okay

I'll pretend
everything is perfectly fine

I should stay
I should stay

he was right
the silence is loud

all the loud noises
I took for granted

the time we called
at 6 am
is too far away to remember now

I love too quiet
when I love
I tiptoe
I don't want your heart to know

one day
I'll be loud
one day I'll say it

4 missed calls

how much longer can I go on

it's all my fault

guilty

I won't take the blame

I'm scared I'll lose you again

do you want to see the mask I wear everyday

I'm sorry

I don't know what's wrong with me

for you I'd try again

the truth is

I always fail

I miss the cold rain
falling down my shoulder

walking in the dark
gives me a powerful feeling

I can do anything
even if I'm slow and a weakling

I know someone follows me around
since I was a little child

no harm comes my way
I'm thankful and angry

I can't walk down a dangerous path
I'm never frightened

the faster I swing
faster
I go

blank faces
I still remember yours

your face in the dark
my pupils dilate

all the faces
I still want to see

don't turn away
I want to always remember yours

all these faces
none compare to mine

do you think it's good to forget our names too soon

faces
am I just a face
a stranger out of place

don't forget my name

why do all our encounters
fade away like a dream

you're going to break my heart
what am I going to do
but sit here

now it's 2 am
hoping you were awake

looking over what you said
all the smiles I made

promise me
we will never run out of things to say

hope this doesn't have to end
it doesn't have to

I don't want to let in the fear

I dont want to be stupid either

but if I dare and imagine myself with you
will I be disappointed

Picking away
the skin
on my fingers

I can't sleep
so I talk with strangers

My family is a big disaster
I want to change my name
and forget about my father

My fingers start to bleed
I got a cut on my toe
it's hard to breathe

sometimes
when everyone
expects the best of me

There's no better me

Hard to imagine
me ever changing
drastically

Looking for you
In this field
Of dead flowers
I could never find you
If you were here with me
I would probably leave

If only you could see

It doesn't matter

Yellow flowers with bees

Your such a sting

It doesn't matter I'm just dead weeds

Growing within my lungs

I planted seeds

Waiting for them to bloom

I'll grow into a tree

So I can look for you
Because no matter
What happened
Or happens
I still miss
And love you

I wonder if you're awake
footsteps
or miles away

I wish to capture your gaze
I want to visit your dreams

I hope somewhere
you're thinking of me

let me not think about tomorrow
I'm restless
I'm tired of all the things I never do

times I only think of you
I count the smallest stars
I fall in and out of love

I never thought I'd find someone more beautiful than the night sky

I don't see it happening
in this lifetime

I'm so depressing
if I'm ever alone again
I don't want to become darkness

I'm so desperate
I stay with you instead
confused if your sadness
matches with my loneliness

we are always the toxic pair
one starts to rot while the other stays there

you turn the lights off
you turn them on
feeling dizzy

if you say the truth in that tone
I'll feel like I don't belong

I'm not sorry
I'm just mad

I don't want to be dependent
but
you're all I have

I wish you understood
we're not good for eachother

This is my world
right here
right now
don't tell me the lies they tell
I'm not afraid
of living
a silent death
feels like I'm living in a world
filled with hypocrites
everywhere I go
opening the windows
don't take my heart
don't throw it away
I got one foot in the past
no dreams for tomorrow
sleeping into oblivion
let me see you again
let me see past my mind
time flies
only to return
to the beginning

I'm running out of words

I have nothing to say

we all hate the neighbor from downstairs
she's clueless

the news reported
it to be sunny
it's storming

with fog
covering our far away
mountains

where's my loving

I'm the monster in your dreams
I destroy everything I touch

whenever someone loves me
It's just a ticking bomb

I don't care if it rains

the windows can shatter
the ceiling can fall

I just don't want to see the morning anymore

She's pale
there was hail
hitting on the windows
she's a monster
apparently everyone knows they don't say a word
Her skin resembles a porcelain doll
she's an actual toy
that everyone plays with
her feelings
drowning in the basket
filled with dead flowers

her star-like eyes
they reach for the night

she's light
so electric
but also a castaway

She's living in the brightest way
surrounded by full obscurity
In an infinite twilight zone

She moves so slowly
away from our faces
we'll never even realize
when she left us

I saw you die
I saw your skin melt away
into snow
on the side of the road
are you a moon dog now
I saw your breath
your life
float away into
a distant plane

I'm waiting for someone to listen
I don't think no one is

feels empty not having anyone on your side

I live in my daydreams
where someone does

I will find the right words
not having someone who understands is torture

days
I wait for nights
to hug the moon close
I feel warmer inside moonlight

Am I
avoiding you
I don't know where you are
now I'm lost
in lost beliefs
It's hurting me too
are you trying to reach me
too far away
wandering
searching for someone
the same
It doesn't feel okay
read about an order
feels so wrong
I'm avoiding you
I don't know what to say
I always disappoint
draw the line
I'm no better alone
waiting for you to hold my hand
when I fall asleep

I'm the devil's daughter
She tells me don't water the flowers
she told me I burned away my father

I'm still calling out to the sky
I'm still wasting away inside

He says I'm a shadow
I follow everyone around
I'm stepped on

I ask him
What's this darkness
must demons watch over me

I dream of an angel
with beautiful wings
they're not for me

you were the oxygen
i needed
the four walls i felt comfortable in

now you are very far away
strangers sleep in you instead

Don't defend me

I feel the shame
from miles away

I know I'm guilty
but you made me feel so afraid

I can't be happy in my own skin
I can't look at my face

Ever since you saw my flaws
I know I can't be enough

Chew me up
Swallow your lies
You turn your face to side

Walk away when you lie
You can't help
   never answer back

Cut me up
throw me around

Now I'm gone

I kinda miss
the way
You never loved me

The way you made me feel
so less

A lovely
lonely feeling

Inside me chest
whenever I'm with you

My
Mr lonely

you must love the control
you must love the lies
you must love the mind games

brainwash me
brainwash me

my life is a dream

everything I know
unfolding
a lie slips out

tell me again
your twisted fairytale
sounds so real

your magic
doesn't work on me

I love you
for trying

all my life
I fed off your tragedies

your shadow
your reflection
I broke the mirror
and cut myself with the broken pieces

it's not your fault

you must love
you must love it

todas las mujeres
somos flores

cuidado
despertamos

caídas
nos levantamos

abierta
es
abierta

todos me entierran

bonita
muy encantadora

pero

las flores

se secan

y todos me dejan

ruined youth I wanted the world
I never got anything

yes
I have found you
now
I must lose you

See I tear off pieces of skin from my fingers
I never let it grow
Nor heal itself
I shower for too long
My hair is messy
People never admit they don't like me
I always wonder
Am I too happy
Am I too sad
Why aren't I enough
I keep going back for more
Pulled into the vicious darkness

I keep biting off my skin
bleeding till I become numb
I stay in the shower for hours

I just want to know
Do they like me

Goodbye to the city
Did you ever notice I was gone

Plenty of cars
No visible stars

I can't see
Orion
Or Pegasus
From the ceiling

Goodbye city

I can still hear
The people walking

The distant sirens running

Goodbye city

Did you ever notice I was gone

Now I'm numb
At the same time I'm burning out

Lots of cars
Plenty of stars

Hidden behind
The orange glow

The tall buildings

Trees that stay green

I say

I might find my way back
To you one day

Goodbye city

I've left

Did you ever notice

Sometimes I think of you with a sad look
playing a sad song
the clouds are grey
you can't see the sun today

I wonder why you were put in my life
I wish you had abandoned me
than to meet you

What a strange man I think
doesn't love his children
He must be heartless

I think I'm in love

so easily I fell

you don't even have to try

I miss you

I want to meet you soon

my veins are green again

I hate that you're always talking to her

I'm right here

I'm a fool to be jealous

I hate knowing you're mad at me

I hate knowing it's all my fault

I think I like you a little too much

so easily I fell

what did you do

I can't stop thinking about you

ʀᴇᴠᴇʀsᴇ ᴘᴏᴇᴍ\

keep asking me if I have a heart
convincing myself I don't have one

It's okay to
say you don't feel so much

I feel so loved for what I'm not
hated for the things I do and say

love is fading
I no longer feel it

can I be trusted
don't commit to anything

everyone leaves
just like me

apathetic
a voice
cries inside

love is fading

people only change in different lifetimes

no longer feeling it

call me
I won't answer

my phone
ring ring rings

it's all a utopian dream

you can't love a cloud
it disappears into the crowd

//ʀᴇᴠᴇʀsᴇ ᴘᴏᴇᴍ

Lost in a forest
That's called my mind ..

Thoughts falling upon me
Like leafs

With no one who can enter
But me

Scared & lost
In somewhere I can't seem
To find the light

All I do is hide
waiting for you
hoping you'll find me
but I've disappeared

months have passed

suddenly my name is mine not yours

you took everything I had

I'm free now

I have to remind myself everything I miss you

silly me

missing you after all the suffering I went through

suddenly I can hear my name feel like myself

walking home alone

something you never let me do

still I think I should have spent more time with you

just to build more memories

wish we could ride the bus early in the morning to eat breakfast in the city

one last time

before I run away again

you taught me to run

so I did

when one asks you to share a poem of your own
what do you send

a poem from years ago
full of uncertainty

a poem from yesterday
filled with confusion

a poem of love
a poem of sadness

a poem with rage
a poem with fear

secretly all fatigued

they're all filled with bits of my life

I sowed each letter and word
I tied them together
with my breath
finished the last sentence

I don't know which of all to send
I have no favorites
one is not better than the rest

I'll send one from today
if it's still breathing

Changing names
Tomorrow again

New year thing
I guess

Wonder who I'll be next...

Thousands of wishes
I must learn
to refrain

I had the world
hanging around my neck

Hundreds of dreams
I woke up to
    never came true

I want to finish up
   cut off loose ends

I'm
Everchanging

I'm tired

I'll sleep the night ahead

10

I'll remember

9

I'll forgive

8

I'll walk

7

I'll forget

6

Game over

5

Play again

4

Select new character

3

New game

2

-Start over

1

Happy New year

there's no wind in sight
the lightning is warm

I'm so alone
not one ghost in this house to be scared of

teary windows
trying to ***** out all the sadness

haven't this way in a long time
feeling brave and courageous

next day
it's all down the drain

I'm too scared to get out of bed
it'll be all over once I open my eyes

I keep asking for anything for someone
all my demons are tired of me

not one angel cares about me
the gods have a look of regret when they see me

haven't felt like this in a long time
I'm scratching down my leg
does it count as self harm
if I didn't bleed

this rain feels so lost
if I get bad news I'll self destruct

running into the months closed off pool
with murky water
I will swallow my fears

I knew
I haven't felt this way in a long time

you can tear the story apart
you can burn my words away
you can twist my lines

I know everything
who's the real villain

hidden in plain sight

they burned all the bridges
I won't lie

the truth hurts
choose wisely
what you will say

you can throw me away
you can disown me
you can judge

it will always sadden me
how you will never be free

be careful
I've got nothing to lose

I'm in my right mind
are you in yours

you can't compete
don't think you can forget me

I really love you
So I'm gonna cry
Until you come back
Come back when you're ready

__________

ᴵ ᵃᵐ ᵃᶠʳᵃᶦᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶠᵉˡᵗ ˡᵒᵛᵉ
ᵈᶦᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵒ ˢᵉᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ
ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗʳᵒⁿᵍᵉˢᵗ ʷᶦⁿᵈˢ?
ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵒᵏᵃʸ?
ᵈᶦᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵒ ˡᶦᵛᵉ?
ᵈᶦᵈ ᴵ ᵈᵒ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ʷʳᵒⁿᵍ?
ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵉˡᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᶦᵍʰᵗˢ & ˢᶜʳᵉᵃᵐˢ
ᵈᶦᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵒ ᶠˡᵒᵃᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵗᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵏʸ?
ᵈᶦᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ˢʷᶦᵐ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᶜᵉᵃⁿ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᵖᵘˡˡᵉᵈ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵇʸ ʷᵃᵛᵉˢ?
ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵘʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵃˡʳᶦᵍʰᵗ
ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ'ᵐ ʷᵒʳʳᶦᵉᵈ
ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶠᵉˡᵗ ᵐʸ ˡᵒᵛᵉ

did you notice the
glimmer in my eyes

you story-teller
and fake
says she knows
how to read my face

you must've seen
the way I wanted to
rip your skin apart

or did you take
it as
I love you with all my heart

you shallow
dull
simple-minded
girl

all you do is try to
guess someone's else
thoughts

have you sorted out
yourself

my skin is rotting
don't feel like talking
All I do is scratch my skin till I bleed
listening to the songs you said were bad
I told all my friends that I don't like you anymore
but I lied
still meeting you tomorrow night
hope you don't see my
psychotic flaws
or my medication pills
I got my prescription filled
I tell myself act normal
before meeting up with you
it seems to be working
hope you don't notice
the marks
maybe I should get a tattoo
to cover it all up
I'm slowly drying into the ground
It hurts to breathe in deep
you'll still like me right
a little bit crazy
not too much

you're so cold
like Neptune

yes
no

I don't trust you
wish you were a little more honest

so
hopeless

you turn everything against you
when everyone is on your side

I can't lie
I wish I didn't have to keep you high

you paint me blue
my new favorite color

everything I do is for you
it's all for you everything I do

in rotation
so slow

you're so beautiful
so cool

all I want to be
hiding in darkness

I thought I felt the rain

was I imagining
the feeling
of my shoulder
my cheek
raindrops
caressing my body

sometimes I lose myself in
past memories
I forget reality

sometimes I stay paralyzed
for a while

I thought
a thought
you thought

nevermind

I can't feel it
I'm so selfish
I'll never feel it

another morning comes

do I have to wake up

will it rain
can I imagine it

the lost feeling

I realize I'll never be your first choice or priority

I wonder in this unknown city
I wonder if it's right
I wonder inside its dim corners
I wonder where the end leads
lost in New York
waiting for it to call my name
don't take me home
take a car
let's drive for a long while
lost for a week
waiting to go home
I wonder where
It's 7 PM
in New York
where's home
I don't recognize
I can't see the lights
buildings cover my shadow
I've got no place called home
all alone
I'm wandering around New York

you're my new obsession

don't tell me anything about yourself

let me wander around in your darkness

can't stop thinking about you

I'm so cold

this fascination will be the end of me

don't stop this

a new love blooming

catching all the dead leaves

no one really knows how cynical I can be

how manipulative

possessive for this new love

I won't let you go

I'd wait forever for the sunrise
laying under the dark moonlight

I could love you forever
If we're meant to be together

Waiting for you to realize
now to pass by

I see the rain from far away
clear mind

I'd wait forever to the sunrise
with you on my mind

under the black sky