eileen: Poems

403 · Nov 2018

don't tell anyone

eileen Nov 2018

don't tell anyone

I'm dying inside
trying to convince myself it's all lies

10W / she's in the rain

403 · Aug 2019

time for nothing

eileen Aug 2019

time for nothing

I like boys
boys don't like me
I don't care

10w

402 · Jul 2019

bad time

eileen Jul 2019

bad time

I miss you
I'll miss you forever

I miss the people I can't have
I miss the temporary places
all these fading feelings

miss my emotions
miss all the burnt pages
don't hurt me

forever
coming down
to haunt me

miss loving you
miss loving myself too

401 · Nov 2018

Sin

eileen Nov 2018

Sin

All he ever wanted was a little love
and corruption

10w

401 · Oct 2021

soap

eileen Oct 2021

soap

you've bought me soap
all summer long

you make me feel safe
make me feel sane

I don't think
there's any feeling better than this

felt like the
right place
right time

a decision
I made that I won't regret
for the first time ever

you're the only person
I can look in the eyes

you're the only one
I can lean my head on your shoulder

never could find my place
so different now

caught up
why look behind me
when I can find you next to me

400 · Feb 2019

Lucid dream

eileen Feb 2019

Lucid dream

Oh what a beautiful dream
If only it was real

10w
Reversible

399 · Nov 2018

♘ Lucifer

eileen Nov 2018

♘ Lucifer

I've been seeing somebody
can't tell nobody

he's like
tell no soul
sleep alone
I'm always watching you
all around me
passing by
shadows
cool water
his face so cold

he's got my heart
all around me
I hear it beating
shadows
follow me

he's like
stay alone
don't answer the phone
turn the lights off
keep me close

all of the nights
I've wasted
how many times
did I give myself over
without a concern
your words
pinned into my
brain

all around me
they all have your face

398 · Oct 2018

when the leaves fall

eileen Oct 2018

when the leaves fall

I learned to levitate
with my head
I've dreamed of blood
the guilty feeling hangs above me
I'm trying to breathe in the fire
inside my stove
the water to cold
it's getting cold
I'm having troubles
troubles that won't go away
telling me to close my eyes
droplets falling
so so
slowly
quiet
I'm stuck inside
I know this feeling
winter is coming
alone
missing home
where I couldn't feel the cold

398 · Apr 2019

April fools

eileen Apr 2019

April fools

yeah I know
I'm not so important now

so I keep on looking

where I'll feel validated

sent you a letter every day
I had you in front of my mind
I gave you everything
even if it was mine

doesn't matter now
let's forget
the love

I was someone you depended on
now
I'm nothing
I'm feeling lost

emotional
and alone

I'm not so important now
it's because I don't have the world
I have nothing left to give

I wish I didn't have to see your face
swallowing the ******* tears and pain

I'm not important
I know

397 · Mar 2019

Spring

eileen Mar 2019

Spring

dear my blues listen
you're not fine, it's not okay
you'll run out of breath

haiku

393 · Dec 2017

IhopeIdontseeyouanytimesoon

eileen Dec 2017

IhopeIdontseeyouanytimesoon

ᵂʰᵉⁿ ᵈⁱᵈ ʷᵉ ᵍᵉᵗ ˢᵒ ᵈⁱˢᶜᵒⁿⁿᵉᶜᵗᵉᵈ
ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ʸᵒᵘ
ᴵ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ᴵ ˢᵗⁱˡˡ ᵈᵒ
ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ
ᴵ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ
ᵂⁱˡˡ ʷᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˢᵉᵉ ᵉᵃᶜʰ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵃᵍᵃⁱⁿ
ᴵ'ᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ
ᴵ ᵃᵖᵒˡᵒᵍⁱᶻᵉ
ᴵ ˡᵒˢᵗ ᵐʸ ᵐⁱⁿᵈ

ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵗᵒ ˢᵉᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵈᵃʸ
ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵉᵈ
ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ

ᴹᵃʸᵇᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ
ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ
ᵒⁿˡʸ ʸᵒᵘ ᵏⁿᵒʷ

393 · Dec 2018

lost garden

eileen Dec 2018

lost garden

real sadness is not being able to hear the rain

10w

392 · Oct 2021

I have to be leaving

eileen Oct 2021

I have to be leaving

you're online

I found a paperclip in my bathroom
strange place I'll never know

it's disheartening
sadly I won't message you anymore

I won't speak to you anytime soon

if this is a mistake
then I'll regret it later
for now I will try

can't say goodbye
confrontation is my weakness

another night I wash my feet in acid
stop myself from walking back to you

391 · Sep 2018

MMXV

eileen Sep 2018

MMXV

This is my world
right here
right now
don't tell me the lies they tell
I'm not afraid
of living
a silent death
feels like I'm living in a world
filled with hypocrites
everywhere I go
opening the windows
don't take my heart
don't throw it away
I got one foot in the past
no dreams for tomorrow
sleeping into oblivion
let me see you again
let me see past my mind
time flies
only to return
to the beginning

391 · Nov 2018

diabolic love

eileen Nov 2018

diabolic love

new year
new face
I've got no plans
I've spent all
my hope
on lost family and friends

how I'd love to swim
inside a river again

look up to the sky
only to be blinded
by the pale clouds

I'm a walking overdose
sometimes you just want a slice of skin
that's what he tells me
cutting up his wrists

how I'd love to be in my bed again
with my heavy teddy bear timothy

ask me anything
I should know

I'm clean
I'm clean
a little mean
I don't answer to anyone
I'm scared they'll see

sleepless nights
asleep
I'm dreaming wide awake
the light is coming in

I'm not who I'm supposed to be
I'm not someone you should believe in
I'm not who I want to be
I'm not someone you should trust

years of wishing death

I've seen the end

I don't fear death
death fears me

the less I know
here comes the worst

the less they know
the better

my mind grows weak

I think all I've ever wanted
was more life

he's got me dancing
he's got my head

prince of darkness
caress me to sleep

eternal warmth
in his cold arms

391 · Nov 2018

✄ cut it out

eileen Nov 2018

✄ cut it out

Will you hold me up
When I've fallen

Under the weather
above the clouds
hugging pillows

I don't feel so good right now

My heart has done too much
I'm breathing
Can I take a break

I can't find
Enlightenment

I'm falling behind
Will you be there to grab my hand

Pull me out of this dream

I've got flowers to press
before they die

Vases empty
emotions down the drain

390 · Oct 2018

recalibrated

eileen Oct 2018

recalibrated

If you want to save me please
let me go

389 · May 2019

:(

eileen May 2019

:(

I can't believe you don't love me anymore

389 · Jan 2019

sumirse

eileen Jan 2019

sumirse

no estoy bien
quiero ir
a otro mundo
sin Ti

Sígueme
Quiero dejarte

tu eres el mar

eres eterno

No puedo escapar de Ti

tengo miedo

quiero ir
a otro mundo
sin Ti

quiero
olvidame
de tu cara

sal de mis sueños

#spanish #espaol

389 · Oct 2018

iloveyouso

eileen Oct 2018

iloveyouso

we feel the same way
...
I think I love you

10W

387 · Dec 2022

merry christmas 🎁

eileen Dec 2022

merry christmas 🎁

I've got to check my pulse
to check if my heart still beats for you

I didn't know how to answer
to my dead name

I wish you'd call me
by your name

I always wanted to ask you
why you're awake so early

and to know
why you still message me

I still get surprised
when I see your name

I never know what to respond
only distant regards

I try not to be sad
I'll try to be happy

because it's okay now
what happened to us

..

I took the bandaid off
on my heart

it's healed

387 · Oct 2018

A lonely weekend

eileen Oct 2018

A lonely weekend

sleep my love
sleep well
the angels above sing lullaby's for you
clouds weep at your great existence
stars shine
the sun burns with love for you
the moon is too shy to whisper
I love you
sleep
dream
an endless dream
of paradise
a heaven
sleep

385 · Oct 2019

I need you

eileen Oct 2019

I need you

let me spill my guts
swallow it

can I tell you
everything

can I tell you
nothing

cut me open

eat my words

feed me your daydreams

I just want to tell you

let me have all the control

don't think
let me think for you

spilling my guts

running away

385 · Sep 2019

fernand

eileen Sep 2019

fernand

crawling around
my head

feels fuzzy
feels familiar

I held a pen
when I was twelve
and I never let it go

burned off
half my soul

I don't know who I am
no one knows me

I feel it
breathing
running inside
my mind

never goes away
in my sleep
in my conversations
spaced out

feels like a spiral

just like the day I found it
I can't separate
I can't forget

384 · Nov 2019

laundry detergent

eileen Nov 2019

laundry detergent

I didn't mean it seriously
If I die
remember
remember

10w

384 · Dec 2021

public to - ?

eileen Dec 2021

public to - ?

collections
eyes

words
ears

drafts
mouths

all of the things
I can't tell

I always write in my head
never out loud

scared someone will hear a sound
what if they find out

closing my journal
keeping myself in the dark

hidden
noses

time goes by
everything changes
I stay still

pens running out of ink
it's 2 am I can't sleep

I'll stay forever stay dumb and naïve
won't teach myself a thing

this is home
if I go anywhere else

what will I find out in the unknown

382 · Sep 2018

saw you in a dream

eileen Sep 2018

saw you in a dream

It's six in the morning
I've woken up

You were in my dreams
I should go back to sleep

Try to chase the dream back
inside my head

I don't want to think of you
subconciously

I don't want to think
You'll be with me

I can't hold onto a dream
forever

The sun is slowly rising
let me sleep

// dream of you
one last time

380 · Mar 2019

God Girl

eileen Mar 2019

God Girl

Hey God girl
Tell me where we're going

Where are you
Me and you

Tell me when we're going
Are we falling

My fallen angel
I think you'll fade away

Don't come down
I feel your voice
Your heavenly hands graze my skin

Your wings
burn so bright

God Girl
Tell me are we going

I love it
I love it

I'll tell you

You're fading into me
I love it
Fall into me
I want it

I'll make you feel disgusting
feel emotions
make you cry
make you sad,
mad
crave it like a human

You will hate it

Only
then you're late
so fallen

No return to heaven

379 · Dec 2019

1166

eileen Dec 2019

1166

eat my words
let them tear you apart

sleep with my words
haunting you into a nightmare

I will wake you up

nothing but me
there's no one but me

376 · Aug 2018

too much

eileen Aug 2018

too much

dried skin
picking it off my lips

addicted
so compulsive

it's not cold
let me hold your hands
under the water

let me look into your eyes
in the dark

we always want to touch
never talk so much

picking at my lips

bad habits

373 · Nov 2017

drafting IV

eileen Nov 2017

drafting IV

I have flowers on my desk
and kitchen
in every other room
you could put them in

what happens when they die
will you buy more
smells so pleasing

373 · Dec 2018

Where are you from

eileen Dec 2018

Where are you from

A house
A street
The city
A state
A country

The earth
The solor system
The milky way galaxy
This universe

I must've told my 2nd grade teacher

I really loved her
I miss her sometimes

Sometimes I forget I use to be so small

We were all once children !

Now I teach my own
that it doesn't matter where they're from
They belong to the earth
It's a gift
from the universe

372 · Jan 2019

wednesday girl

eileen Jan 2019

wednesday girl

I wish you knew the real me
I'm so filthy

10w

370 · Sep 2019

water pipes

eileen Sep 2019

water pipes

the toxic truth I swallow
is you do nothing for me
everything for her

369 · Aug 2019

Fruta Prohibida

eileen Aug 2019

Fruta Prohibida

soy
veneno

tú sabes
tomaste el vaso llenó

soy
malvada

viviendo
en tus
pesadillas

muy mal

soy
lo que no quieres

no tengo nada adentró
y mis ojos se miran muy negros

mi papá
me mando un demonio

me tomo
el
veneno

como un pedazo de hielo
ahora tengo un corazón de vidrio
de cristales
un espejo sucio

muy malo

mi papá es el diablo

somos diabólicos

me tomó
el veneno

somos
reyes
del cielo

arriba vemos
como
se queman todos

como sea
estamos muy fríos

lo que yo quiero
todo negativo

comiendo todos tu sueños
igual
todo se va para abajo

#spanish #espanol

367 · Jul 2019

life after

eileen Jul 2019

life after

This sadness
does not define me

        \ \ \

but
    am I
       it's
           definition
                                ?

367 · Sep 2018

9 / 01

eileen Sep 2018

9 / 01

Glowing sunlight
under the heavy clouds
mountainside
what's on the other side

Let's catch the sun
buy me a star

I want to keep them in my room

I don't know

I don't want to be alone

I'm afraid of giving up

I'm so scared of being alone

In this grey world

Where no one knows

367 · Dec 2018

I cant see you

eileen Dec 2018

I cant see you

I hear
no angels sing
angel Gabriel
please send God my message
I don't like it here anymore

366 · Oct 2018

565;

eileen Oct 2018

565;

In 565 days I'll be somewhere dead
I'll be in hotel room 31
It'll be 1:22
With a window so high
I'll almost believe I can fly
Not so far away
I can hear you talk
The promises you break
Burn away
I want to sleep away
dream a reality
I'll never see

365 · Jan 2019

Headache

eileen Jan 2019

Headache

These yellow walls only make it harder to breathe
Makes me
more and more
No such thing of smiles
in this home
Lay in bed
till it's time to go to sleep
Makes my heart stop
I can't breathe
within
these yellow walls

364 · Oct 2018

something should work

eileen Oct 2018

something should work

I'm not depressed
I'm just sad
I'm not drowning
I'm falling so slowly
walls around me crumbling
I'm fine
I don't cry
I'm not questioning my reality
I will not scream
losing faith in me
hands shaking
retracing my steps
clouds walking west
most people never understand
my girlfriends don't understand
he won't understand

a bird
a tree
a cloud
a feeling

the moments of
reckless behavior
when no one
is watching me

I want to stay here
in the corner of my mind
it's always sunny
with slow breathing

364 · Jul 2017

memory dreams

eileen Jul 2017

memory dreams

i like remembering the good days

knowing they're so close
and far away
all in my brain

if i sleep early tonight
maybe i'll have the one chance
to go back

cloudy storm
safe in the big buildings
we were in the city

once in town
the double rainbow
was found

or the time
thunder crackled outside
inside my ear

yeah i'll sleep
early

i'll find myself
happy

in the old
memories

364 · Dec 2021

lost maps

eileen Dec 2021

lost maps

every time I look at myself I see you

am I your puppet
or are you mine?

I can't find the exit
acting like you're wasted
you know exactly what you're saying

did you find your reason to exist
made a list

don't hate me
turning cold

I feel sick
painfully hurt

I hope you rest soon
left you inside

want you to cry
can you love
did you see it all

everything I give
so I can receive

364 · Nov 2018

darkness reigns

eileen Nov 2018

darkness reigns

I spoke to a flower today
sobbing she was falling

364 · Sep 2018

mellow

eileen Sep 2018

mellow

You misunderstand me
my heart is iridescent

I want to lay in a field of flowers
Of all kinds

let the thorns
sink into my skin

I'm lost at sea
I can't find the right direction
to find the land

I never feel like I'm home
even when I'm laying on my own bed

just want to hear
of how it was
when we were younger

tell me
how I didn't mind

tell me how
it was
when we were younger

how we never cried

never looked up to the sky

It was one morning

when the light
suddenly disappeared

I begin to notice
feel my worries

that the sun isn't so high in the sky
anymore

then it came as a thought
I never would've thought
it like this

how
when we were younger
we played around
and never went to sleep so early

You mistake me

I'm not the same girl
I have a grey mind
a vortex in my head

My heart is overflowing

bleeding into the leaves;
grass

I just want to chase after
the days
when we were younger

364 · Feb 2019

bow & arrow

eileen Feb 2019

bow & arrow

I found cupid's bow
I don't know where to go

10w

363 · Dec 2018

Ill see you in my sleep

eileen Dec 2018

Ill see you in my sleep

She lingers in my brain
I hope she's doing okay

10w

363 · Sep 2018

guilt trip

eileen Sep 2018

guilt trip

surrounded
by hypocrites
I slowly became poisoned

oh god
please let me go away
far far away

I don't like this place
these people

they stare at me
they want something

they talk to me
they want to drown me

there's no light

crimson frights

let me go away

everyone lies
everyone lies

when you become the liar
suddenly
everyone hates you

burning letters
They're all the same

363 · Jul 2018

Manipulated weather

eileen Jul 2018

Manipulated weather

Can't help you

I have no heart for it

I feel each day a little loveless
The more you want from me
The less I become

I stopped hearing my heart beat

This is the summer I feared

363 · May 2019

drafting ????

eileen May 2019

drafting ????

believe me
I need help
believe me
I don't need you
I'm okay
I run away
letting go
hold you closer
my voice
blows like the wind
can't you feel it
don't you hear it
believe me
everything is okay
I need you
I'm not okay
I don't want help
I run away