eileen: Poems

Aug 2019 · 611

eileen Aug 2019

we often like to convince ourselves
love can conquer all

love is medicine
love is the answer

love is a hello
and goodbye

we like to convince ourselves
love is enough

it's a lie

love is alive
so
it dies

Aug 2019 · 141

lurking

eileen Aug 2019

lurking

I hope you think of me
at four in the morning

I'd like to tell you
good morning

will you turn around
smile for me

I hope
I'm inside your head somedays

so quiet
you don't notice

Aug 2019 · 242

bad love

eileen Aug 2019

bad love

how many days have I loved you

how many hours can I forget you

not long

I sleep
you appear
in the corner of my mind

I wake up
you appear
on the corner of my bed

how many times will I convince myself you'll stay

why don't we talk together
why can't we walk together
why can't we love together

Aug 2019 · 370

Fruta Prohibida

eileen Aug 2019

Fruta Prohibida

soy
veneno

tú sabes
tomaste el vaso llenó

soy
malvada

viviendo
en tus
pesadillas

muy mal

soy
lo que no quieres

no tengo nada adentró
y mis ojos se miran muy negros

mi papá
me mando un demonio

me tomo
el
veneno

como un pedazo de hielo
ahora tengo un corazón de vidrio
de cristales
un espejo sucio

muy malo

mi papá es el diablo

somos diabólicos

me tomó
el veneno

somos
reyes
del cielo

arriba vemos
como
se queman todos

como sea
estamos muy fríos

lo que yo quiero
todo negativo

comiendo todos tu sueños
igual
todo se va para abajo

#spanish #espanol

Aug 2019 · 249

despairing

eileen Aug 2019

despairing

**** me
my life is a mess

a little depressed
more or less
I wish I was dead

no one knows
continue on

after you read this
walk away
fall asleep

this feeling doesn't matter

Aug 2019 · 651

"a temporary loss of self-control"

eileen Aug 2019

"a temporary loss of self-control"

don't ask me about the future
I don't plan on making it that far

I don't wish for tomorrow
I left my courage inside yesterday

I lied
I don't think I'll be here next month
I lied
I said it's fine
really
I'm so terrified
starting to cry
let me take it all back

don't make me think so far
the vast
corruption of my mind

I'm not making any plans

everything is so temporary
feels like
I never existed

Aug 2019 · 294

let me know

eileen Aug 2019

let me know

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ

ᵢ'm ᵣᵢght hₑᵣₑ
clₒsₑ yₒᵤᵣ ₑyₑs
shᵤt yₒᵤᵣ mₒᵤth

ᴵ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵐiⁿᵉ

ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʙᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇ

Aug 2019 · 184

As I never did

eileen Aug 2019

As I never did

please forget my I love you
I shouldn't have told you

ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ

don't make me say it

please

ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ
ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ

pretend I never said it

ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ

Aug 2019 · 129

if I did

eileen Aug 2019

if I did

cry a little harder
I can't hear you

taking to your brother
I'm still around

carry it everywhere
tired of staring at yourself

give me a break
there's nothing to hope for
you haven't blinked all day

do you hear me going insane
the way you crawl into your head

leave me
your empty body

I have to stare
the way
slowly die

it's 5 am
give me a break

turn the light off
no one is coming for us

all alone

cry louder
no one can hear you

I won't hear you

Aug 2019 · 121

turn the light off

eileen Aug 2019

turn the light off

so
uncomfortable

you don't take care of yourself

she asks the same question
she doesn't care for the answer

how about I end it all tomorrow

will you close you eyes
sleep peacefully
drink more beer

I saw a shadow in the room

people talk around
I wonder what they think now

how do I love myself
if I'm trying to love you back to life

I'm here
I'm not running away
you want me by your side
I'll stay
forever locked into your happiness
my forever sadness

so
uncomfortable

we circle around each other
we never meet at the center

Aug 2019 · 258

fences

eileen Aug 2019

fences

are you awake
can I take a peek inside your head

wonder what you were thinking
how many days did you look at me
not knowing my name
how many days was I nameless in your eyes

maybe I hate that you're not mine

let's watch a movie
let's drink together
let's spin in circles until the moon falls

asking you the question of the day
why can't we be friends ?

screaming louder
why is she better ?

Aug 2019 · 308

shiny

eileen Aug 2019

shiny

feels like I'm loving you forever

Death
so small

all this love
so heavy

I can't die
without it

I won't die
now that I have it

feels like I'll love you forever

Aug 2019 · 137

8/19

eileen Aug 2019

8/19

head held high
the people won't mind
waving goodbye
I swallow the key
door locked

last thoughts
last chance
I'm the living sacrifice

water running
I hear the children laugh
the gates are closed

adrift
searching for my missing happiness

Aug 2019 · 438

I'm not the one

eileen Aug 2019

I'm not the one

I love you
never going to tell you

distant
soundless
I love yous

she doesn't have to know
I dream of you
walking in
it's small little things

Slipping away
longing for you to stay
I can't look at you
bite my tongue
I don't show
I never tell

If I spill my darkest secret to you
will you keep it
take it
into the melting moon
chase the night
before dawn blooms

Aug 2019 · 127

wishing you well

eileen Aug 2019

wishing you well

make a wish
let the coin touch your lips
reach far
hear it splash
watch it drown
the gods will hear you out

you looked so hopeful
I ate all the happiness
you're so blue
you don't like darkness

I'm your last sacrifice
make your wish
kiss my cheek
slipping away
I'll take the dive
watch me drown
the gods hear me now

Aug 2019 · 104

cutting glass

eileen Aug 2019

cutting glass

eyes
windows
to the soul
take a peek inside
I don't have one no more

a shade darker
a shadow lighter

where's my breakfast cigarette
you don't understand my emotions
eat up
don't ask questions
I lie
that's my final answer

take a look inside
you'll understand
there's nothing

Aug 2019 · 105

excessive tears

eileen Aug 2019

excessive tears

don't you think
enough is enough

all this sad pain
we can't wash away

you're the hurricane
swept off my feet
lost my head

nothing is ever better than this

don't you think
enough is enough

drink up all the tears
moons away
we're so melancholy

swept off my feet
I'm the violent rain
lost your sanity

nothing gets better than this

we should just give up

Aug 2019 · 221

bad heart

eileen Aug 2019

bad heart

how many lips have you kissed
that aren't mine

we spin in circles
a hundred times

bring me the poisoned fruit
I'll fall from the sky

take me to a place
I can look into your eyes

speak out my brain
I carry my heavy shame
I don't want you to think about me

you look pretty when you're happy
and I love it more when you're angry

how many hands have touched your skin

we circle around eachother

I can't reach the center

Jul 2019 · 260

the lock doesn't exist - there's no key

eileen Jul 2019

the lock doesn't exist - there's no key

one last sacrifice
you will be free
fly far away

Jul 2019 · 554

drinking salt

eileen Jul 2019

drinking salt

I'm afraid
you answer the call
I send a cold message

I'm a big baby
please don't raise your voice at me
I look away
far from the rage in your eyes

I'm happysad
happy you've reached the possibilities
sad you're doing nothing

cold messages
excessive tears
I'd give you all my thoughts
know how I feel

calling
calling
don't tell me

cross the invisible line
my ghost follows behind

Jul 2019 · 217

bad call

eileen Jul 2019

bad call

I'm sad

the pain never ends for you and I

10w

Jul 2019 · 402

bad time

eileen Jul 2019

bad time

I miss you
I'll miss you forever

I miss the people I can't have
I miss the temporary places
all these fading feelings

miss my emotions
miss all the burnt pages
don't hurt me

forever
coming down
to haunt me

miss loving you
miss loving myself too

Jul 2019 · 191

bad sun

eileen Jul 2019

bad sun

silent star

smile for the liars

gun to my head
I was told to swallow down my emotions

crying for all the robots who will never love me back

I am the dying sun
I am nothing and everyone loves me

I write sequels
skipping the introductions

I've lived
a million lifetimes

with a melting curiosity
what is life

I lost myself
when
I loved you

jumped into a black hole
to love you more

everything hurts

I hope no one finds out

Jul 2019 · 294

bad room

eileen Jul 2019

bad room

you taught me
nothing lasts forever

so
young
and
hopeful

10w

Jul 2019 · 99

small windows for big eyes

eileen Jul 2019

small windows for big eyes

you
caught me

I have nothing to say

I try
the right words have escaped
silent stare

I know those footsteps
up the stairs

find my face

caught
by surprise

where's the way out

you don't like girls like me

loving me is hard

I don't know how to love myself

I can't teach you
the way inside my heart

hiding away
behind the sunset

Jul 2019 · 136

caleidoscopio

eileen Jul 2019

caleidoscopio

Give me your hands
it's cloudy again

plenty of life
surrounded by
leaves
yellow butterflies
birds and pigeons choking me up

one tree is all I need

I didn't forget about you

don't fall
don't die

give me your heart
it's sunny now

death follows
surrounded by
a dying star

all I see is green

Jul 2019 · 91

Romans / Psalms

eileen Jul 2019

Romans / Psalms

send your bible verses elsewhere

how many problems
how many problems

read

I read

I never answer

how many problems how many problems

wrong time

will you not send them

help me fix this

Jul 2019 · 104

apple seeds

eileen Jul 2019

apple seeds

let's take the bus home

we don't want to go home

home isn't home

lost kids

you had everything

I had everything

I wish I could give you a hug

I wasn't thinking

are you hurting

let's play all night

summer
wasted
in humid July twilights

if you ever
need a hand to hold

you have

mine
mine mine
mine

if you ever need someone

you have

me
me
me me

and
I will
love

you
you you

Jul 2019 · 318

eating green apples

eileen Jul 2019

eating green apples

pennies
and coins
don't make noise

sit a little closer
I can't see
your face

turned away

rain
clouds
you

all I think
is

you
   you
        you

I know
you won't

I see you
and
I forget the concept of words
and
I lose my tongue

well
thank
you
for charming me
I
know
it
wasn't
you intention

sit closer
can you see my eyes

well
apples
and
pears

you
        you
                  you

are right here

Jul 2019 · 429

dont eat the apple

eileen Jul 2019

dont eat the apple

there's a
cold

waking up
alone

not beside
her
not
beside him

wish I was there

it's a different kind of lonely
sleeping all alone

Jul 2019 · 95

sell out

eileen Jul 2019

sell out

what are you waiting for

open
or
close the door

I tried
I tried
I tried

I lie
I lie
I lie

what more do you need

wake up
and
fall asleep

unlock it
who's going to stop this
you own the key

this
space

these broken windows

this isn't a home
we always
come and go

what are you waiting for

I'm waiting
I'm waiting
I'm waiting

let us free

Jul 2019 · 367

life after

eileen Jul 2019

life after

This sadness
does not define me

        \ \ \

but
    am I
       it's
           definition
                                ?

Jul 2019 · 229

stride away

eileen Jul 2019

stride away

cruel world
love
you spilled out
your darkness
I can't hold
I soak it all up
feeling blue
down to my bones
you'll know
chain ourselves
to closed doors
don't ask me
why I love you
I don't want it
you caress my
broken veins
weaker
and I've
washed away
the last of my sanity
you'll know
catch my breath
steal my life
we love
love me sad
drink up
I'm leaving
where is
my
lost heaven

Jul 2019 · 115

thunder moon

eileen Jul 2019

thunder moon

mother
and son

star
and moon

you're delusional
I wish you never laid a hand on me
I'm a false god
a selfish man

with you
I will not reach heaven

we cut off our wings
you bathe in cold uncertainty

rip away
the life
from my eyes

I escaped
why did I come back

hiding away
I wear a dark shadow

you watch me
you hear me

emotionally tied to me

what if

I said

I don't want to live forever
I don't want to love you forever
I don't want to be with you forever

you
promised me
love and care

I lost myself
when I gave myself to you

Jul 2019 · 361

I dont like red apples

eileen Jul 2019

I dont like red apples

a noche soñé que me soñabas
no me agradas
dónde estabas
no te quiero
te digo que te vayas
dime algo
para olvidarte
si no piensas en mi
no me busques
no eres mío
no puedo darte mí corazón
no sabes del amor

#spanish

Jul 2019 · 106

light showers

eileen Jul 2019

light showers

open the fridge
pick your poison
don't you hear the water running
don't open the faucet
you smell like shame
you look like the sadness I try to escape
close your eyes and fall asleep
wake up far away from me
in the mornings I can barely breathe
tell everyone to look away
hide my face
they pick a side
they walk away
I trust no one
who says they love me
no one will ever know me
go back inside
I love goodbyes
I hate to see her come
if she calls for me
I'll run
close your mouth love
I hate to see you poison yourself in the afternoons

Jul 2019 · 77

Loved, you

eileen Jul 2019

Loved, you

heavy feelings
we were caught in the middle
and I listen to 26
when I miss you

empty swimming pools
we floated
higher than the birds
will you keep the memory breathing

am I the one who keeps it living
I know you
you know that
you try and change the facts

hard times crashed
cutting waves against my skin
my heart frowned
I didn't miss you

cutting away my heart
I missed you everyday

every burning summer
I miss you

let the winter fall
so I can forget you

Jul 2019 · 125

like cornflower

eileen Jul 2019

like cornflower

hug away the emptiness
smiling to all the ghosts

what's your favorite time
of day

when the sun gleaming
or the moon is bleeding

it's the moment
the sun is down

the world turns blue
the sky
sky blue

disguised as morning

the night creeping up

then you stay up
and the world turns blue
sky blue

the sun coming up

disguised as night

I'm just out of my body

no one is looking
no one is ever listening

Jul 2019 · 106

Best of me

eileen Jul 2019

Best of me

empty hearts
sleeping

tell me
what do you want from me

I'm not trying my best
why do you say I'm everything

I swim through my day's moods
I drown in all my lies
this is life

looking for someone who drives
drive through all the red lights

I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my breath

I don't want to tell lies
I just wanted to know of life

let's just drive

empty bodies

what do you want from me

cutting off my tongue
then
I'm trying to put it back on

I'm so blue
I bleed out sadness
faking my happiness makes me look ugly

I'm everything all at once

I'm so empty
I feel like nothing

Jul 2019 · 565

hear me today miss me tomorrow

eileen Jul 2019

hear me today miss me tomorrow

it's a beautiful thing to know
you'll miss me when I'm gone

Jul 2019 · 117

Angel [777]

eileen Jul 2019

Angel [777]

cut my heart to pieces
I hate when you cry

let me hug you next time

7 years
7 million miles away

When are we leaving this
lemon flavored room

Let me drive the country roads
I'll take us home

All my suffering
avoiding it

all these punishments
do they mean something

all our tears
filled with fears

let's celebrate it all

Jul 2019 · 97

Youre sad Im happy

eileen Jul 2019

Youre sad Im happy

perfection
glitz
a little itchy
in the back of my brain
I found a new kind of pain
I can't go back
only regret knows

I love attention and control

obsessive
and slow

I feel down
when you smile

angry when you laugh

I observe my surroundings

Let me map out my feelings
I need the blueprints to my heart

take me in
like a beautiful flower you pick
a little poisonous and I'll **** you off

I'm hungry
for your emotions
call me when you're crying

Jul 2019 · 663

bad moon

eileen Jul 2019

bad moon

everyone wants to be the moon
touch the stars
and kiss the sun

everyone is secretly sad
that sad gleam in their eyes
confusion covers it all

I don't want the moon
I don't want the sunrise

I want my broken heart fixed
I want the voices to quiet down

trying my hardest
everyone looks away
dealing away
with their mess

to busy helping ourselves
we don't look at eachother

Jul 2019 · 281

sprinkles

eileen Jul 2019

sprinkles

touch it swallow it
a little hate won't hurt you
like heaven and hell

haiku

Jul 2019 · 112

come back soon

eileen Jul 2019

come back soon

I would've loved it here
love the sky
and the dirt filled sidewalks

the glimmer of the city lights

I'd love these rough walls
if I had a different skin

I'd love the wind
if I had a different tongue

I'd love the clouds
and the strange cars passing by
after midnight

how the mountains close me in
I hold my breath

I'd love to live here
staring out to the the blinking red lights

I don't belong to myself
I belong to the lights shining on my face

I'd live here
if love existed within

my heart
spent years trying to find it

eating it away
falling into the same old street light
I would've loved it

if I was a different person

Jul 2019 · 638

fruit flies

eileen Jul 2019

fruit flies

hair ties
sweating up
she really doesn't like you
you won't give up
he brings her fruit
mangos
pineapples
and strawberries too
I sit behind
corner of his eye
wondering why
I don't fit inside his sight
can I ask for grapes
bring me cherries on wednesday
he only looks at her
He doesn't realize
I love fruit
she's older
he's crazy
the good kind
the kind I fall for
I follow his steps
I can't stand beside him
hate to be the girl
he doesn't look for
I wish he never spoke

Jul 2019 · 126

I don't want to be a girl anymore

eileen Jul 2019

I don't want to be a girl anymore

she says
child must you choose the color blue
pink is the color for you

don't cut your hair to short
please start dressing like a girl
that's what you should be

don't even think about tattoos
don't think about being different

don't think
oh I'm thinking
thinking of everything

she says
child
I will keep you close
I'll never let you be someone else

lock me up
chain me down

I'm her pretty face
I'm what she's not

\\\

the little they know
keeps me safe

little do they know
they'll never know
I hold the key
I'm safe
I remind myself at night
hugging the chains on my bones

I'm everything she hates
I'm the difference in this world

don't change me
don't erase me
you don't own me

I say
let me be

I don't want to be a boy either so ...

Jul 2019 · 78

its good for you

eileen Jul 2019

its good for you

small bites
he wants to be right
she likes to do nothing
I wait forever
let's change
we ask
when

small steps
why
I'll fall over and over again
his hit
his ego
I bought a bow and arrow
let me know
when you don't feel like the best

I might never know how
tell me why
is he always right
the day she moves on
I'll be dead in my next life far away
I hope
maybe not
his ego will corrupt him
what a pretty boy
I wish he never spoke

all alone
shooting arrows
I can be the scale
moving with the wave
I can see what's wrong
I'm never wrong
they can guess
they're out of line
follow my view
it's good for you

Jul 2019 · 74

eat that up

eileen Jul 2019

eat that up

waiting for something more
the day I leave you
my heart burns away
I sacrificed more than said
more than seen
more than they will never know
I can't feel anybody
rest my soul
cities pull me in
stretching me apart
I lost myself
I lost my body in various locations
I live forever in the moment
I'm never settling down
countless rooms
I always get a little less

Jul 2019 · 227

she's moving away

eileen Jul 2019

she's moving away

the moon doesn't love me
she says
she needs money
doesn't buy me flowers on sundays
gets angry and quiet
sleeps early
without a goodnight kiss

the moon doesn't love me anymore
her kisses are cold
she makes me feel like a chore
wakes up
no warm good morning

a lonely walk to nowhere
she's constantly phasing
Love isn't easy
I think she loves heartbreak