Perhaps without death,
I will not live.

But how would that work?
My dear friends,
Not one person is truly living,
Until they are dying.

I'm breaking at the seams.

I'm as torn as it seems.

I'm crying nonexistent tears.

Each one holding each of my fears.

I softly whisper the words,
That have been played through my mind,
Millions of times.

I love you

I don't care,
If you believe it is true,
Because I know that it is undeniably true.

I love you

It is becoming bothersome,
The amount of times,
Your name has been said.

Each time it triggers my heart,
Quick like a rabbits,
Happy like a kid awarded,
With a fresh ice cream cone.

Why is it I cannot seem to get you,
Out
Of
My head

Please,
I'm pleading with you now,
Never leave me.

I am afraid that if you do,
This thing they call heartbreak,
Will consume,
The being I call me.

So,
Please,
Once again,
Never leave me.

He makes me blush uncontrollably.

He laughs at my weirdness.

I want to smile,
Without pain in my heart.

I want to laugh,
Without feeling like I am being judged.

I want to cry,
Tears that hold so much joy it's hard to handle.

I want to be happy,
I've been sad for way too long.

He took me on a tour today,
He goes,
No dad.
No dad.
No mom.
Different dad.
Adopted.
No dad.
No mom.
Grandma.
Different dad.

It is not the parents,
That left us,
That define who we are,
But it is who we choose to be.

Because it is all a choice.

I breath in the same air as many before me.
Maybe someone famous or someone glorious breathed this before me.
Maybe someone sad or someone depressed stood in the same place as me.
All I know is they probably would never understand me.
Or maybe they will..
Who knows,
But in all honesty they were here before me.

Who are you.
Good question,
I barley know myself anymore.

Love,
It brings out a different side of me.

The happier,
Brighter side of me.

Your love,
It does something different to me.

It darkens,
My personality.

It's like a dark curse,
Has been put over me.

I should come with a warning label.

Warning this girl,
Falls in love to easily,
Is insecure,
Is a mess,
Is high maintenance,
Is hard to deal with.

Maybe I should just let them find out on there own

He is hiding.

He is crying.

He is dying.

Emptiness,
It just leaves more room,
For happiness.

So open your crystal heart,
The happiness will seep in.

That's it I'm finished,
I want to die more,
And more every time I cry.

Let's just say I have cried a lot.

Everybody seems to have problems,
Claiming theirs are the worst.

What happened to people being happy?

I slowly look into your eyes,
They are a muddy green,
But lifeless.

Green used to be my favorite color,
But now that I have seen your eyes,
You're all I think of when I see that horrid color.

It makes me wonder,
Why would your eyes be my favorite color?
Perhaps to hurt another part of me,
You ruined another thing for me.

Your smile,
Lights up my heart.

Your eyes,
Melt my soul.

It's like you were built for me.

I think I love you.

But that can't possibly be true,
But maybe it is a fact you like me too.

Your as cute as can be,
You make me happy I can see.

I love the way your eyes light up,
When talking about music.

I just love everything about you.

You ask me to write about love...

What is love?

To me it is what gets you up,
When you don't feel like breathing.

It makes you laugh,
When you feel like screaming.

It makes you feel a mile high,
When minutes ago,
You were twenty below.

There are so many aspects of love,
If I wrote them all,
I would write to death.

Maybe thats where the line,
Til death do us part,
Comes in.

Because if you really want me,
To tell you about love,
It is so much more then everything above.

Love is complicated.

But then again,
So are you.

The tires run quickly across the ice,
They slowly disappear in time.

The ice slowly disappears with it,
All in time.

All in time.

I have tried to be perfect.

I have tried to be nice.

But it seems neither will,
suffice.

So I will try to be different.

With a little attitude.

I've fallen for the one person,
Thats so perfect,
It's hard to imagine.

It's like the stars falling for the sun,
They look dim in comparison.

Yet without the light,
How will they learn to shine?

Tires on the ice,
The moving,
The sliding,
Where do they go now?
What do they do after this?

They feel so out of control,
Round and Round they go,
Which way they don't know.

They slowly wither down,
With each patch of ice given,
They are spinning so much,
They don't know they are spinning.

Now they get replaced,
They are finally done spinning.

You make me feel something,
I didn't know I was capable of.

You make me feel happiness.

There is this part of me,
That know's it is true.

I honestly have not stopped,
Loving you.

It's like your sweet embrace,
Won't go away.

These thoughts in my head,
Begin to lead me astray.

I'm not sure,
But I hope it is true.

Maybe you haven't stopped,
Loving me too..

I don't believe I have ever felt so alone in a crowded room,
At the same time I was next to you,
You were talking like we were best friends,
But in all honesty,
We were never friends.

I'm quiet,
Only because If I were to speak,
You wouldn't like how mean I would like to be.

They will always tell you your heart will say intact.

They will always tell you everything will get better.

They will always tell you no one person can hurt you so much.

They never told the truth.

They never told you that your heart can break.

They never told you things don't always get better.

They never told you that you can get hurt so much by the same person.

But I guess what they never told you never hurt you.

Until now.

There are three thing that scare me.
Spiders,
Love,
And that no one will ever love me.

The first one is probably the most logical,
For you don't think that a person of my age,
Can be afraid of the last two things.

But you see I may be 13 physically,
But I have been through so much I could pass as,
43,
Mentally.

I have been through pain,
Loss,
Heartbreak,
Depression,
So I have pretty much been through hell and back.

But my experiences make me the lady I am today.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Because if it was different,
I wouldn't be able to write the way I can today.

I hope my words set fire to your heart.

I hope my words fill you with so much passion,
It hurts.

I hope that my words are so intense,
It makes you want to cry.

But I never hope my words,
Make you wish to die.

You make me smile,
Like a idiot.

I blush,
Like a crazy little girl.

My smile,
Is actually real around you.

Thank you,
You showed me what happiness feels like.

I am afraid of,
You.

But also I am not,
I am afraid of what could be done,
But what won't.

I am afraid of being left,
If I am left,
Then I won't have anything to fear.

But how would I exist,
Without fear,
I'm afraid of fear.

Fear,
Is what defines me,
Fear is not what it is,
But what it isn't.

I'm a dreamer,
But I don't believe they come true.

I believe in love,
But I don't believe many people have it.

I believe in hope,
But I cannot find it.

I believe in happiness,
But I don't think it is achievable.

I believe in beauty,
But I cannot acquire it.

I would believe in me,
But I don't want to.

Do you know how to keep a secret?

Well here is mine,
I am breaking,
Falling apart.

You are hurting me,
Despite the times I told you I was fine.

My heart is tearing in its own time,
Quickly and painfully.

I'm hurt so bad.

But I'm not sure how to tell you.

I don't kiss with my lips.
I kiss with my heart.
My soul.
I show you what you mean to me.
You would be lucky to get a kiss from me.

Pull down your sleeves boy,
It may be all for attention but why would you want them to see.

Don't wear shorts little girl,
You hide you scars so they don't judge us, you see.

Stop crying small boy,
Those black and blue marks brought someone else joy.

Don't scream young girl,
They take pride knowing your in pain.

Don't be sad,
Be happy.

But don't you see it's not for attention,
Why would they hide it if it was?

Why would you judge someone,
Who has suffered more pain then you?

Why beat someone black and blue,
Because their actions didn't please you?

Why **** them,
Would you want that to happen to you?

Why tell them to be happy,
When your the one bringing them sadness?

When asked,
Why don't you believe in yourself,
What is an adequate answer?

My teacher asked me this,
After reading one of my poems,
I stumbled over the question.

I know I do not,
But I am unsure,
On why.

Maybe it's because,
I've never been chosen first,
Or never gotten done first.

Or maybe it's because,
I don't like the way I write,
I wish I could pain the sky with my words.

Maybe because,
I don't think I can write as good,
As everyone else.

I don't enjoy comparing myself,
To people better then me,
But I don't believe in me,
So I cannot compare myself,
To myself.

I don't believe in myself,
Because I am myself.

There are many things,
I would like to say.

Many things,
I choose not to say.

Is it bad that I know it is impossibly true,
That I am once again falling for you.

Yet I am choosing to do nothing because,
Without a doubt,
No matter how much I deny it,
Or how much I hide it,
I miss you.

I want to feel your warmth,
I want you to hold me, tightly,
With so much love that the happiness,
Invites me,
Deeper into this thing we call love.

I am becoming trapped in my own happiness,
When you smile and tell me that you love me too.

When asked if I believe in love,
I say not anymore.

Not after I have witnessed things,
That hold so much hatred that,
I can't fathom how anyone could.

Love,
Seems so unrealistic,
Seems so fake.

The way people talk about love,
Makes me wish that it did exist.

But with all the hatred in this world,
How is love possible?

How is love possible in a world full of,
Hate.

Maybe if hatred wasn't such a potent part of this world,
It could have a chance to exist.

But at this moment love is a dying cause,
It is long gone.

There are reason's I always put the title last,
It is almost as if I don't know if I give one before,
If it will last.

Because, you see I never no what to expect of me,
I expect nothing,
Yet end up with something.

The way you write,
It's like painting the sky.

The way you speak,
Makes my heart grow weak.

The way you make me feel,
Is like insanity on wheels.

I miss feeling you close to me,
I miss having your warmth radiating from you to me.
I miss smelling your scent all over my clothes.
I miss having you hold me when I'm upset.


I just miss you.

It just goes to show,
No matter how nice I have been to you,
You don't even know how to be the same.

Smile,
When there is no happiness.

Cry,
Even when your tears have run dry.

Try,
Even if you have nothing to try for.

The black I wear really brings out the bubbly side of me

Smile,
Brighter then the sun.

His eyes,
Could see right through you.

If you let him.

You make me see stars,
And feel magic.

It's almost as if,
My kiss is poisonous.

Because when I touch your lips,
I just can't seem to resist.

I continue,
Despite the times you told me to quit.

I tried to ignore it,
I tried to stop.

But your lips,
Make me just not want to stop.

Make me want more.

Because your kiss is more poisonous then mine.

Yes, I have cuts on my hips,
Yes, I have cuts on my wrist.

But the ones you cannot miss are the ones within my kiss.

Because my kiss shows my heart and soul..

I still have my heart,
It's in a box on my shelf.

Why don't you lift me up there,
I could use some help.

It's not that I'm to short,
Or that I'm to small.

But it is that out of them all,
You are the only one I trust,
To help get it down from the
Shelf.

Writers block..
It's killing me.

Like a slow,
Insanity.

It's taking control,
Of me.

Writers block,
It's attacking my sanity.

It's taking control,
Over my mentality.

Writers Block,
Oh Writers Block,
What are you doing to me.