I lost it all with each
second from wake
to sleep there are no
colours desire expired
motivation lost in
silent minutes carved
upon my wrists here
under heavy covers
subdued as the dog
next door endlessly
barks I am nothing.

I was once something
more.
A man, vibrant in heart
Passion.
Unremarkable tho
genuine
    gentleman,
Maybe not so
gentle.
Red in tooth and
claw.
Strong enough to
give,
As good
As I got.
Until
Invisible harm
Undid this
charm.
day by day
Turning
grey.
Until nothing remained
left unshamed.
of me.
Now I'm just a shadow
At each feast,
Little left of man
Just beast.
Nothing left to love
at least.
Invisible.
Unseen.
Bleeding out.
Without
a doubt.

There is nothing left,
No love
No joy
No hope.
I want to let go,
escape
this debt
That must be paid
Without regret.
I cannot endure
This daily
Punishment.
I cannot feel
This way again.
I'm losing myself
To endless pain.

Another waking gasp!
Cold realisation
The day reset
Under the weight of
expectation
and wonder
Slowly surpassed by
flagging
ambition.
managing
Monolithic Mundanity.
carelessly
Crushed Creativity.
sorely
Sapped Strength.
deathly
Drowned Desire.

There is a distance,
Between us.
Not measured in metres or feet
Not governed by proximity.
Though you may touch my skin,
Hold me close
I am not there.
I wish it were not so,
That we can only be strangers,
Widening each day.

Still,
There is so little reason
Left for me to love.
Time has passed
As a roaring torrent,
Washing it all away —
The importance.
The burning passions.
Yet
I lie awake
Staring into unforgiving
darkness.
Wishing to be heartless,
Dying to be nothing
Once more,
Rather than know
another day without you.
After all this time,
No escape.
No escape.

Less than human
Akin to demon
The pain of being
a man exhumed
Nothing left inside
just a cold dark
shell, Consumed
by darkness in
This living Hell
Choking on silence
extolling violence
To please the beast
Bound and ******
Hungry and shamed
Through kindness
Through virtue
The monster remains.