All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

In your wake.
                I'm dead and gone.
                You left
My love in ruins.
Choices born in silence,
Old schemes replaced
With new ones.
I'd ask if you were happy now.
But you'd never reply.
Even if you answered me —
I'd only hear a lie.
I thought I loved a lioness,
Brave and true in word.
You turned an honest love to ash,
My fate was undeserved.
Now within my hollow chest,
Lies coiled a rattlesnake.
Only fit to hurt and spit,
A poisonous mistake.
The victim to your cruel heart,
                   I wish for some reprieve.
                   I dream beyond this ugly place —
Though I can never leave.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Now that you're gone
My life is but
little deaths.
Slowly languishing,
In the early hours —
Solace,
In the moon's strange rays.
I was a stranger to your love.
Perfect.
A destructive
Hunger,
            Spiraling
                       ­    Inward.

If this is the end.
If this is the goodbye.
Just
Keep me in your heart,
A
Moment
Longer.

**** the truth
**** the lies
**** the stupid
**** the wise
**** uncertainty
**** pain
**** your face
**** your name
**** the narrative
**** intent
Your love never
left a dent
**** the pills
**** the symptoms
**** logic
**** religion
**** your friends
**** the games
**** the cause
**** the blame
**** malice
**** fear
But most of all —
**** NEW YEAR

Ah Sun-flower! weary of time.
Who countest the steps of the Sun;
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the travellers journey is done.

Where the Youth pined away with desire,
And the pale ****** shrouded in snow:
Arise from their graves and aspire.
Where my Sun-flower wishes to go.

I'm afraid that there's
nothing left.
I'm afraid that meaning
is surely fading —
Dulled by absence.
A slow burning ember,
That was once an inferno.
This stage —
Once brimming with joy,
Holds now only silhouettes,
Ghosts.
Tender echoes.
Love letters returned,
Unread.
Counterfeit,
Plagiarised —
Empty.
This is how the world ends.
Without you.