The pit

It’s overwhelming, the depth of it all,
The length you fall, before you hit the bottom
The deep, the mess
The engulfing darkness
the smell of cold wet rocks
And dead grass
The shrilling silence that deafens
the echo of the wind as you fall
the air that fills your lungs almost seems fresh
before you take your last breath.

mama, I love you,
but you just dont see,
how the joy has left me.
I no longer feel,
from the tips of my fingers
to my toes.
I feel absolutely
nothing.
mama I wish you would listen
when I say,
maybe I could learn to feel again.
but mama says,
it isnt real.
it will pass.
pray.
stop thinking so much.
mama,
I'm trying.

so theres this ocean,
big and blue,
beautiful.
so much life breathing in its waters,
how could I have seen?
the death that swam beneath.

what should one say,
when they think about the end -
twice a day,

should I say
I'm okay?
or should I say nothing.

I feel that of those I hate,
I cry the words of their fate,
I see the world in which they lie,
the somber meaning of their cry,
I hear the wind that cuts beneath their feet,
I tremble as they accept defeat.

I can't do this anymore,
I just cant.