I mourn what we could have been, what we will never be, and what I wish you’d never ruin.

these sentences are not full of love, or longing

all i have is heartache
and ear numbing cries
and oceans worth of tears

so i’ll put them into words
words i know you will never read
but words that will always comfort me

you ripped my heart out, robbed me of it
and how am i supposed to go on living
when no one’s pumping my blood for me
and how am i supposed to feel love
when the very person
that embodied my love
is no more

not for me
you are no longer
for me
by me
with me

so this is not a love poem
because you stole that four lettered word from me
this is, just, a poem

I thought i had grown older
Wiser
But when you entered my life again
Unexpectedly
I realized I wasn’t done growing
Healing
I would run back to you in a split second
Undoubtedly
Self respect thrown out the window
Instantly
Still knowing I’m just being fooled again
Unfortunately

do I simply
accept
my current state?

or can I go back
back to the old me

but maybe,
the old me is just that-
old
outdated

perhaps,
there’s a new me
one that I shall find

whatever I will become,
I don’t want it to be
this

and that’s enough motivation
to not give up

snow will fall,
rain will pour,
seconds will be counted
and time won't stop
for you
or me
but since you left, I have frozen.

all things go, but my heart.

“Love is a tricky game, but one day I’ll find someone with its instructions”
I thought.
“Never mind, I had them with me all along”
I realized.

I wanted to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Because I felt you were having a hard time,
a hard time living.
But I was too much of a coward to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Maybe tomorrow I will ask,
ask how you are doing that day.