Crooked fingers grasp,
A nearing empty bottle in my left hand.
Your hand,
Loosely gripped in my right.
The cigarette that hangs from my cracked lips,
We'll follow into the night.

Seventeen years too old,
Left looking for cheap thrills.
Waiting for an early death to unfold,
Brought on by unprescripted,
Prescription pills.

It's cliche and *******,
But all I can write about is unsatisfactory coffee,
And harsh, stale, half-lit cigarettes.
My thoughts and hands are not insync,
Like when my own hands stopped me from drowing in the kitchen sink.

We ditched class,
To go the park down the road,
We followed toe to toe,
Shadow to shadow.

To forget our troubles,
To forget our woas,
To forget education,
To forget our sorrows.

You probably think this is about a girl,
Though,
No.
I'm referring to my closest companion,
My alter-ego.

I believed it when they told me you would heal my pain, my suffering, and my problems.
Every morning and all day long I let you flow through my veins.
Never loving anyone else, not even myself.

I thought you were my savior for making me feel good.
As long as you were with me, nothing could hurt me.

Until I woke one day and you were not there.
My body trembled for you,
my stomach churned.
Oh, how I needed you!

No way to go get you,
No way could I walk.
I believed you when you said you wouldn't hurt me.
Yet, you are gone and oh, how I hurt.

Ten years of my life, two kids that you made me loose,
And two more I gave up just for you.
My house, my truck....
All just so I could be stuck on you.

Nowhere to sleep,
Nothing to eat.
All my family has turned their backs on me,
all because I choose to take that journey.

Now I'm laying here in this hospital bed,
doctors telling me I was almost dead.
Yet, when I leave this hospital room,
I just run back to you.

Oh, how I loved you.
From 16 years old until 26 I spent all my time with you.
Now, I'm listening to the voice in my heart,
the voice I hear in my soul.
I just don't know....
Am I going insane?

No, I hear the deep thoughts in my mind.
It is your Lord telling you it's time.

Where do I go?
What do I do?
I asked you.
Wait and I'll show you.

To my surprise,
There was my friend walking in
when I was about to do my last dime.

My Lord tells me once more,
It's time, pour your heart out.
And watch he will show you where to go.

To this place my friend asks me to go,
A church! I would've never known.
Beautiful lady, beautiful heart....
Gives me the chance to open my heart.

Change my ways is what I'm told.....
Instead of meeting with what I thought was my love.....
I'm meeting with people who done what I've done.

5 years have gone by,
and you are not even on my mind.
With my Savior, years have gone by.....
Living the life that was meant for me.

Yet, I find myself asking....
What is my purpose in life?

I hear the Lord tell me yet once more,
I had a plan for you but you choose your own.
Now I see why I have given you the choice,
Because now you will help the people who made their addiction their life.

Without you, My Lord....
Without you, My Friends......
Without you, My Pastor......
But most importantly......
Without you, my family.......

Life would have never been changed......

The next time he texts me,
I'm going to text him back something pretty nasty,
To show him how much he's hurt me,
And to make him look like a ******.

I was six or seven
I realized the dragonball Z comics I was drawing
needed a story line to make any **** sense
that was the first time
Then I was twelve
writing gangsta rap with my friends
a group of English farm kids
who couldn't be any whiter
That's when I realized who she was
By fourteen I was writing things which resembled stories
only not really
fifteen sixteen seventeen
they were growing stronger
February of my eighteenth year I wrote that first poem
I thought it ******
and it did
but still
people liked it
poem after story after novel attempt after poem after story after...
almost twenty years old
the words are thicker
shorter
harder
but still,
we're not there
but I can't wait until
the days of matrimony bells ringing in empty churches
the day were you give in to my
I do
We'll write our own vows
burn our sacred cows
we'll write a love story
which won't ever be forgotten

I close my eyes and your right here
It feels bitter sweet to have you near
It was a love that happened so fast
The kind of love that was made to last
Over night all I could see was you
It felt so right a love so true
You as my lover and my best friend
It seems to me you were a God send
We made it round after round
Through all the ups and downs
I open my eyes and see
It was only that way for me
There's a loneliness deep inside
It feels as if part of me has died
Never for a second, thought it would end this way
I search my memories trying to find the exact day
The day that your love was lost
I would pay anything to change it no matter the cost
When I close my eyes you feel the same as I do
Cause your still in love with me too