Sometimes I can't stop
The tears, the pain, the lies
Or the thoughts, the words
That trap me
Sometimes I can't stop
Playing the same song
Over and over and over
Until it's all I hear
The words resonating
Through my soul
Capturing how I feel
Sometimes I can't stop
Losing myself in my sorrow
Falling again and again
Into the darkness
That creeps along
On the edges of my vision
Just sometimes I can't stop
Being the disappointing mess I am
Broken and unfixable
Unreliable
Until I can get a grip
And replace my mask
It only happens sometimes

Have you ever had to come
to the realization that
the ex that you broke up with,
ended up "winning" pre split.
I never for a second,
thought at the time that I
would be anything but
extraordinary,
and that life would be
exciting.
I was supposed to be
extra ordinary.
The next thing I'm going to
hear, is that he's engaged to
be married to a beautiful
red head with long hair,
and eyes that are excentuated
perfectly with little eye liner
and mascara.
And is everything I am
still trying to be.
It's not even that I regret
leaving him,
it's that I turned out to be
the loser,
who's still living at home with
her parents,
works a terrible fast food job,
and has no money,
no adventures,
a dull love life.
It's just a terrible feeling
when one day you realize,
you lost.

violins screech in a pivotal moment
she flashes a reluctant smile at me
teeth halting to pinch her lower lip
across the farmer's market
she is a life-sized toy of wild beauty
my heart sore in my ribs
and i feel an electric current coil between us
the shape of two lovers curled together asleep

but the acid takes on a life of its own
playing a strange game of backward symmetry
every departure is a return to the eternal center
the great yellow paper mother
lying on her own suede tongue
folded into a fleeing gazelle japanese style

potent nostalgia while peeling dogwood
and the pungent smell of leaves as
our midday shadows are thrown uphill
like two wiggly heat waves
incredible light leaping out of our fingers and toes
we are enormous gods
our flesh doesn't sweat
as we dance on the floor of the whole blue sky
tap-dancing on the manly gate of atlantis
drunk with a new horizon

she with the soul of a barn owl
participating in the battleground sunset
drapes herself around my neck
giggling with easter egg pupils
the words **** me hard
in open and lonely places
projected on her face and in
the fractal sky behind it
hands grabbing fast for flesh
my mouth starving for breast-meat
while my heart slams high in my throat
matterhorn **** waiting at the edge
of light hidden under scarlet silk loincloth

at last we sprawled naked tangled together
laughing about an imagined destiny
i felt power flood like a river between her thighs
and we fell into a receptive darkness
of limbs and hair
an island of velvet to
dream on