If I could do it over would I?

If I could take back each conversation we shared,

Every stare.

Every glare,

Would I?

If I take back every kiss,

Would I?

Every embrace should I?

I wouldn't rewind a moment,

I wouldn't undo a stitch,

Because I give this everything I had to gave,

And don't wish to take back any of it.

How I wished to count your fingers,

Your tiny toes,

How I wished to kiss your darling little nose,

How I wish to breathe in your scent,

You beautiful little child,

A God sent,

How I wish to whisper your name,

Your fingers round mine,

How I wished to tickle your feet,

And hear your laughter,

How divine.

Dear baby,

I wondered if the strands of your hair would be black or brown,

How when your locks fell out they would be scattered upon the ground like confetti,

How I wish I knew,

If your hair would be curly or straight,

I wish I knew if it was soft, delicate and scented of you.

Would your eyes be blue like your Dads eyes?

Or would they be brown like my eyes?

Oh, how I wished I could have seen you with my eyes,

How I wished you opened your eyes in my arms cradling you.

Dear baby,

I only knew you existed because there were two lines on a stick,

I loved you already,

I wanted you here,

But we would both wait,

Excited to announce you to anyone,

You are the life growing inside me,

Your Dad was so happy,

So speechless,

But you were not meant to be,

You died inside me,

An empty place in my stomach where you should be,

A space inside my heart where you will always live,

Within me,

Dear baby,

I love you,

Mummy loves you,

Daddy loves you too,

Rest your life,

Up in the sky,

My angel goodbye.

You were a genius,
How you helped me fall apart,
You were amazing,
How you left me in the dark,
Well I made art with those broken pieces,
I made a master piece,
It's got cracks and flaws,
But it is stunning,
Just so magical,
How you can ruin me and how I transformed myself.

I can use tools to build,
I can use yarn to crochet,
I can use ingredients to cook,
I can use paint to show,
I can use words to express.