Shy about certain things
Bold about most
Stuck without action
Do I really choose?
I want to kiss him
I really do
I think about it often
And then I smile
My face twitches a bit
I feel shy and silly
I can't deal with it
I want to kiss him
I really do
But I get all messed up in head goo
If I go there
I cannot come back
I would fall completely?
My plan would not stay in tact?

Keep my distance
Because I really like you
I do not want to lose what I have with you
So I keep wanting waiting
contemplating
Because the one I want to kiss is you

Head falls back with a belly quiver
I feel the mighty energy river
The relaxation of the flow returns
My body and spirit no longer yearns
I settle in the energy that comforts me
A waist high river surrounding me
Wet in wonder whirling round thee
I feel that connection, a connection worth
Head falls back as I laugh
Thought I needed a shower
but thanks for the bath ; )
I swim in it, soak it up
ahhhh at last

I, swinging high into the sky
On the swing set at the park
I have to twist and spin
I must swing and sway and play all day
Love the feeling of the wind past my ears
My hair blowing in the breeze
I love to play even with skinned knees
"You should roller skate." He said
I looked at him like I did not have a clue
"I used to love skating, what fun!"
And so I asked why he thought I should skate
and he said with a smile
"That is what little girls do!"

This giggle is going to give me away
I woke up so wonderfilled today
Notifications pages long
Texts that are practically a song
This giggle of mine is going to give me away
I am smiling so much today
All because your words lit my day
Dare I show such a joy using words as my toy?
I see the phone light up and yell YAY!! oh boy!
It is time for a poetry jam all day long
Lets rock some words into a song
I will bounce words off you
Go with it, stick to the jam like glue

She is 13 today.  She expected to be loved and celebrated.
Instead she walks the windy streets in a stolen white dress.
There are no caring parents.  
Father in prison for attempted ****** of her mother.  
All witnessed by her little brother.  Her father was also a ****** sadist who cut her up and made her a mess from age 3 on up.(.right here i will confess.)  
Her mother forgave her father but blamed her.  Her mother still blames her forever more for her lack of pureness.  
Despite naming her daughter the word for PURE.
The girl in the long white stolen dress walks alone.  
There is no place to go to, no home.  
She has been on the streets now for two years.
Living on roof tops, cleaning bars after hours for recycling cans of half drank beers.  
She stays at parties way more serious than her years because she has no where else to sleep.  
That gets her in a lot more trouble than the streets.  
Her hurt and pain factor grow as the seasons change she knows..soon..they will catch her and away she will go.
Until then she walks the streets in a stolen white dress.  
She wanted to look pretty just in case her mother wanted to spend some time with her, give her some love and confess..she was wrong to blame the little girl who just witnessed and felt the entire mess.
She took the brunt of his illness, of hers too.
Those parents where a special brew


To this day that girl walks the streets to try and find her way
with flashbacks of the white stolen dress..and an empty heart
with no where to bless

There are people in this world who only show up on your door step after they have used and abused everyone they know or could possibly get to know.  They steal for drugs.  They think nothing of what they do to others.

Earlier: Purple hair a flame SHE LUNGES AND GROWLS AT HER OTT and he loves seeing her strong and BRAVE FIERCE and UNAFRAID.  She lunges at him with PASSION.  
She thinks she is a mess.  He responds. "No, mess. Beautiful anarchy. Beautiful energy."
She Lunges at him again tells Him to Rest.  Quickly shuts off her camera.  She is feeling powerful.  He smiles..she knows it feels it and moves on in her day.......

TEXT MESSAGES FROM THIN THIN LADY I DO NOT KNOW..OR DO I?
My Ex's child fills my facebook and phone with texts.  She calls she begs..but we checked all the police reports and warrents and they are far worse than she told me.  LAST NIGHT KNOCKS AT THE DOOR..ignore ignore.  Yes I know who it is.
I recall lunging at him and being so strong.  ****** at my door got a lunge and more.  I snapped..I roared.  I SET HER ON IGNORE.  I have been there for everyone all the time..I take care of who is MINE.  I cared for his 6 other children when he had their entire LIFE ON IGNORE.  I tired to set her straight.  I tried tender loving Karen First.  I tried but I cannot give my happiness away and risk everything for someone who continues to steal and rob and fraud.  I will not do it..I do NOT CHOOSE IT..it is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.  I am MINE.  You are yours.  I will never choose you over mine, me, kind.  Negativity not longer has a place.  MY SPACE is a HAPPY PLACE.  I remain SEATED IN THE SEAT OF THE SOUL..BALANCED..TRUE TO MYSELF THROUGH AND THROUGH.  I FEEL NO GUILT FOR YOU.  I FEEL NOTHING BUT EQUALITY AND NEUTRALITY & Grace..I am a LADY BUT I WILL BITE YOUR FACE

It is now a 3 way dance
techn9ne blasting so fine
a spoon in right hand helps keep the time
dancing around with kung foo feats
left hand has the chill
ben and jerry
my after lunch thrill
we are dancing
this is true
cause these calories will not stick to me
like glue
I dance this cream off
so i do not **** up this body I dreamed of
I do squats while taking a bite
I am gonna make it inner thigh tight
You Can eat ice cream
really it is true
just eat it on the treadmill
or while dancing with the techn9ne crew~

My Body listens intently to his every word.  My mind is off.  I lay and listen.  Naked before him, safe.  I lay very relaxed listening to his voice telling me everything I ever wanted to be told over and over.  His voice so soothing and so exciting at the same time.  Love soothes, passion excites.
He repeats one word at a time til I *** to each one.  Til the words we use flow out of me like hot butter.  My head tossed back and my mouth open with sweet AHHHhs and Otts and Odds in every breath.  Wicked *** poetry word for word brought out of me by his voice.  My body opens and I surrender..over and over until we string the words together..
"I have 3 drags left on my smoke.  *** NOW".  And my body surrenders like there is not a breath to be wasted or a thought to be had.  My body so loyal is listens with such intent I *** with every command he gives.  GOOD GIRL, MY girl, Beautiful you.
He finishes his smoke.  He picks up his coffee cup and says "There is two sips left.  You *** for me before I go get more coffee".  Part of me is in disbelief.  No way can I possibly squeeze another ****** out..unbelievable..really? I do not THINK I can.
Another part so me relaxes so deeply into a trance state and gives in to total surrender and as he sips his last drops I add mine..so willingly. Ahhhhs and twitches..
I laugh, I giggle
I lay there as he goes to refill his cup.  I am in lala land and I have no desire to be anywhere else with anyone else for any reason.  This is the best ride of my life.  I am discovering such parts of myself I did not know.  My trust grows deeply, I trust him.  I surrender and will myself to him.  I am his.  I am so very owned in the best ways I never knew possible.
He is my protector, my mentor, my lover, my friend, my photography pleasure.  I love him so very deeply.
He sees that smile-of my admiration for him.  He lights another cigarette.  My anticipation for his commands grow with every drag he takes as I lay waiting for his voice to tell me to surrender once again...
I lightly touch while hearing Hunter Thomas type stories of the past.  I smile knowing I am very close to ******..my face begins twitching and he says the words I long for  *** NOW *** for ME NOW
and so it is done..

A shell
Magic overcoat of ignorance
Bought on the illusion
Of warmth and solace.
Comfort to my spirit
So I thought.
Once armor to protect
Now captive and chained.
Downward spiral
As gravity pulls me.
Weighting my soul
Hardening my spirit.
No freedom to unburden
My flesh, my shell.
Always hiding the true,
The real, my soul.
Now unmasked from the torture
Of my self made fight.
Freedom comes-
Unburdened and Light!

              Karen
           Copyrighted 1/3/2000

Dimples appear when thoughts of you near
Twitches of corners of my mouth come out
Little giggles occur, a sway with the tunes playing
Gentleness hits my chest
I smile
Your the best
Someday soon I will smile all over you
I hope it sticks like glue
; )

Bows & Arrows
Kilns & Blow Torches
Fabrics & Patterns
Bead & Bobbles
Costumes & Wigs
Books & Important Papers
Pictures of the Kids
Things I have packed up
Things that can wait
I am moving On
You are Not my Pending Fate
Bring Me More Boxes
Keep Working Late
I am still packing
As this cannot wait

At this moment you must sit knowing
I have a big smile and it is showing
Long letters make my day
I love hearing what you think and hows your day
Writing on the fly as I always do
I just wanted to pop on and tell you a thing or two
First of all I like your style!
You have great flow, and are able to say-
what your thinking and feeling- all I say is YAY
Now sit there and know one thing
Your number is in my phone now you have to wait
for it to ding ; )
Enjoy that feeling..just for a few
Smile for me
and
Good Morning to you!
; )

Espresso hits my lips
6:12 vocalization begins
CHA CHA
Shoulder thrusts with each CHA yell
I smile for the phone getting romancing
I look at my phone and I wonder
You awake yet?
Lick my lips in remembering
Drifting off in want content in waiting
You said you could not do this
Your reasons were good, not debating
Sometimes a connection needs investgating
I found you worth baiting
I went fishing, anticipating
Something are just not worth negating
Want is worth working and
Wordsmiths are especially fun
I desire the scenes you have spun
I really enjoy the words you send to me
Now wake up and give me a hug
And see the smile left upon me

But I am not yours alone
I am not a painting that is up to you- to whom it is shown
I will never be your possession
Not your private show
Not part of any gallery display
But in the sun with the wind
Destination home
A living display of art itself but never meant to sit on YOUR shelf
I am a whimsical muse
It does not take much to light my creative fuse
I am for display at my time and my placement
I smile when I want for my own entertainment
I laugh right now with nothing to lose
At the idea of people as ART..
Myself, I am, always will be and display like a pro
But being a part of your collection is not my way , ya know?

But all he could see was his lies needed to be laid thicker
With that my senses told me to get away much quicker
I gave him endless possibilities, gave him all I had
But he stole from me..but that my dear is always a
Chad

I smiled so wide
my eyes watered
my face feels dimples
my body relaxed
my breath lightened
laughed
loved
lighted up
my soul

I cross my legs
Everything burns
How can I forget a single slap
paint stick fun
I am sitting on a hundred slaps
I feel my heart beating between my legs
wood stick slap time has begun
I hear your voice
Tap tap tap
DO NOT ***
what what
I am so ready
KEEP TAPPIN
I could not hide my smile
wickedness **** over and a growl
Twitches all over
and a meow
slaps get harder louder strong
Then his words
*** NOW
waves abound
lips sting
such a sweet thing
memories deeper than skin

Like crying babies who don't use tissues
Heaven must have its own issues
I feel the heaven I live within has its own issues
Let me begin
No cold water in the bathtub for the first month, a sin!
Snakes lizards and spiders in the basement
With water leaks peeking out when it rains
I am sure I will see them again
The chimneys in heaven must get swept?
I know someone would want a fire up there
To cozy up with a good book or in a self created sewing nook
I am sure heaven has some soot
I am sure even in heaven chimney sweeps have ***** boots
Now I feel I live in heaven
But this place has its issues
But nothing will bother me much, well except for those skunks
The bears will sleep soon and leave me alone
By then the fruit of the fall will all be gone!
I wonder if heaven has its seasonal issues
I wonder if babies up there actually use tissues
For now I will take my slice of heaven, with its issues
and be thankful I take the harshness with the beauty
And pray I don't run out of **** tissue ; )

motor cycle boots
heavy jeans
long sleeve Raiders sweatshirt
and as I look down I see **** ****
dressed like a boy? NO
Dressed for fun toys!
I find it ****
this rider gear
I do not need heels and a dress to win
**** lady Cheers

Margarita salt on the counter tops
Ice on the floor
Laughter fills the air
Karen has a new dance floor

I like this new life
Toast to the new flow

"You have captured my heart and soul"
But I did not try to or mean to I say
"Be careful with it" you say
I did not put my hand out and take any offers so large
but with that sentence you did charge...
I have a sense of guilt already!
but I keep saying
"We are not going steady"
I am not responsible for your heart
You are~

WI-Fi-ght
I didn't do a ******* thing'
Why you got to seethe and spit and ****?
Its just the **** internet
Can''t you click something else?
Really you have to toss the mouse?
Tell me *******
and That cable just hit the ******* mirror you ****...
That is mine in the property split you nit wit!
Gee the internet is back on was it worth all that??
Ya ******* baby!!

I don't know how to to get to you~
I want pull you into me
But I don't know how to get to you
We swim in a giant sea

Finding you was hard for me
I wish I had the hook you need
I don't know how to get to you

I don't know where your at
Love to be where your at
Swimming so close to me
The person I want touching me
I don't know how to get to you
I wish I could get to you
This is a giant sea
Currents might carry you away from me
That thought scares me
I have a few insecurities

I want to be what you want
I want to tease you and to taunt
I wish I had the hook you need
I wish I knew how to get to you~
I want to make you drool
Not sure I know how to get to you

Tell me and I will make it come true

I just emailed my ex
I hear his foot steps
over my head
turning on his pc
going to email
finding me
I wait it out
knowing it will bring out
anger
I wait for the shout
go ahead
actually let something out
If he had actually seen
the chat between
HIS child and me
it would increase his depth
only of misery
Such an inspiration
not only to me
YOUR son wants to be
anything but like thee
OUR son shares same life theory
YOU ****
so inspiring
as always
thanks for nothing

0My God are you serious? I roll over laughing because I know very well he is very serious.  "I expect you to carve my name in it".  That was the last I heard from him on the subject but not the last he heard from me on it.
When we last spoke I said my hands were tired and sore.  He asked me why.
"Carving" I said very gently as I hugged myself and sighed as he replied with GOOD GIRL.
Funny thing that.  I have spent time carving his name in the back of my wood handled brush every day.  He does not ask me to.  He does not talk about it.  He listens when I talk aboat it heh  He always responds to my words, always.
"Now the smooth surface is gone." smile and pull my blankets up over my body.  "Good Girl' Beautiful You".
"Yes" I say as I relax and pull my blanket back down to my hip bone.
"I love your hips" sigh "I love all of you" he says
I growl back, I bare my teeth toss my head back and whimper.
I know the next time I get spanked his name will be in my skin..WRITTEN ON MY HOT OTT OTT SKIN
Oh my

He came with room for memories to be had
His hand opening with a place for me to be kept
But I am aware that his memory stick wanted me bad
Come to my home, be open and free
But do not come with a memory stick you want to fill up with ME!
This day and age of fast computer stuff..
Someone can walk right in, plug in a stick and steal your life
Be aware when people come to play and ask to use your computer for just a moment to show you something cool...they might have other plans for what your computer holds...
Keep them at bay

Yesterday is as good as tomorrow
There will be words filled with love and sorrow
We talk, we chat, I am feeling where your at
That buzz is mine and you cannot borrow
If your part of it - flow- dance like Charro
Surrender to the feelings, breath, sigh
Get dizzah, let it flow
Energy Technician give it a go
Sway with the beat, feel the vibe
I reach out and tap your field
Fly the skies with me
Let yourself enter the energy Sea
Dip yourself in this bliss
All I can offer is an energy kiss~

Sitting here naked
Flirting with guys
He comes and lays on my bed
Tries puppy dog eyes
I laugh and say go upstairs
I am already occupied
My hands are busy
Why not try yours?
You ain't touching this
I am not yours~