'DON'T GRAB MY APPLE DUMPLINGS

OR MY SWEET CHERRY TWIST.

YOU'RE A LEWD, CRUDE DESPICABLE DUDE

AND A FAT MISOGYNIST.'



"HEY, I'M A BIG STAR AND CAVIAR

WITH MELONS ARE DELICIOUS.

IF GIRLS WON'T TRY MY PUMPKIN PIE

THEY'RE LESBIAN AND MALICIOUS."




'YOU'VE GOT A NASTY HABIT

AND IT MUST BE OVERCOME.

THAT'S MY LUNCH BOX DON'T YOU GRAB IT!'

SAID THE DONNA TO THE DON.




"YES, I'M A BIG STAR AND I'VE COME FAR

YOUR RAMBUTAN LOOKS DELICIOUS.

IF YOU WON'T TRY MY PECAN PIE

YOU'RE PREMENSTRUAL AND CAPRICIOUS."




'FORBIDDEN FRUIT'S RESTRICTED

SO EXERCISE RESTRAINT,

OR I'LL GRAB YOUR WALNUT CLUSTERS HARD

AND YOU'LL TURN BLUE AND FAINT.'





(If you're a bit slow then see below

and follow this helpful strategy.

Simply substitute any mention of fruit

with words from 'Reproductive Anatomy').




Miriam Troth 2016

King Ahasuerus desires a mate
'One chooses Esther one thinks she's first rate.'
Later he's soppy and showers her with kisses
Then honours his promise and makes her his missis.

Haman gets an earful ; the King's in a strop.
'You're history you hear us. You're for the big chop.'

'Oi, Haman, I'll miss you
Just Like a used  tissue!'
Mordecai's very cheerful
Though once he was fearful
'Oy vey,  I'm relieved
The Jews are reprieved'

Jeer and boo with a passion
Nibble hamantashen
(Poppyseeds are the filler)
That's the gansa  megillah



Miriam Troth 2016

Humpty Trumpty yearned for a wall
He needed it strong and free to install
'It's gotta be huge like the size of my *****
And clearly discerned from the far side of Venus'

Peligro, Mexico, mind his massive ego
He ain't your mate nor your fondest amigo.

'I'll make 'em pay, so complete it real soon
And spacemen will marvel
When they stroll on the moon.

It's gonna be bigger and infinitely finer
Than The Pyramids, Machu Picchu
Or that crap wall in China'

Miriam Troth 2016